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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 23/06/2016 13:22

Yep.
I think the thing I like least is that whilst I understand the allure of an empty disabled toilet when you are in a long queue for the loo, most people privately understand that they shouldn't use those facilities. Even it's not right at the front of their mind most of us would be able to think 'that person probably took 10 times longer to get here than me, their life is harder and this trip to the loo is yet another challenging part of their day. They should be able to use their own loo' .
I suspect the antagonism, the 'why can't they wait', 'having a baby is hard too' stuff comes from defensiveness. Because at the end of the day they are bring a tool and on some level they know it.

Maryz · 23/06/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 13:23

No of course not if there were no other loos she could use. Hugs to your dd. Believe me I know how awful it is to shit yourself Blush

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 23/06/2016 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 23/06/2016 13:26

Fuckincunt

I don't know anyone who is going to have a problem with anyone using the disabled loo in a genuine emergency. And being about to shit yourself, whether coeliac disease or diarrhoea or whatever is an emergency.

NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 13:26

Well I did see that MNHQ did take once action! There is now a zombie warning AT THE TOP of each of those threads as well as at the bottom!

GardeningWithDynamite · 23/06/2016 13:27

Maryz - I agree exactly with that. There's an expectation that parent friendly facilities will be provided. With P&C spaces (yeah - absolutely no need for them to be near the door) it was a business decision. Could a positive step be to show that there's an increased need and so there should be an increased provision? I'm thinking particularly of our ageing population. Ideally all doors should be wide enough for pushchairs and wheelchairs.

All the threads show that you're not going to changing the behaviour of members of the public and if something's there then they're going to use it and justify it to themselves later.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 23/06/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 13:32

I'm sure no-one would get upset about that.

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 13:38

Worst excuse ever for using disabled loo for ages?
Goes to bloke who was in there ages. After 20mins I knocked and politely asked if everything was OK? I'm conscious of the fact transfers can be dodgy in loos. Got grumpy answer. "In use". So I wait, and wait. It's one of these public loos in car parks outside. I can smell smoke too. Finally best part of 30 mins after I get there, he comes out. He seems surprised to see my there, (like I can go anywhere else). What's the excuse?
Well he turns to me and says. It's the only place I can get some peace from the missus to have a fag and read my paper and use the loo!
I was Shock

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 13:40

As he legged it across the carpark (was raining) I got over the shock and shouted thanks a bunch you twat. I got the one fingered salute. I never think of good come backs at the time. Angry

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 13:41

Loo stunk of poo and smoke. He must have had a radar key too it was obviously planned.Angry

NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 13:53

He was smoking in the toilet?! That isn't even legal is it?

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 23/06/2016 13:55

Ffs, arsehole. Angry

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:07

Smoke alarm long gone just wires left!

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:10

I don't think he cared

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:10

Disabled loos you can't transfer in is another bugbear. Why ffs?

AnecdotalEvidence · 23/06/2016 14:12

The disabled toilets are there for anyone who is unable to use the regular toilets - that definitely includes a child with coeliac who can't wait.

NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 14:18

You said you could smell smoke from outside the door? I would have alerted someone straight away tbh just in case of fire

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 23/06/2016 14:19

Yy mummy. Or ones where theres just enough room to get the chair in, so long as you dont close the door Angry
As i said, a bit of out of the bubble thinking from planners/architects would make a huge difference. So not "where do we squeeze in that compulsory disabled toilet" but "what is the best way to provide a disabled toilet that is good for anyone who needs to use it (including changing spaces)" iyswim

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:22

I can't self propel far enough to alert anyone and who would I alert anyway? Council loos obviously fag smoke.

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:23

Exactly Beyond

Baconyum · 23/06/2016 14:23

Personally I think all architects and planners should spend a week in a wheelchair before they get the job!

NeedACleverNN · 23/06/2016 14:23

Ah apologies there mummy. I wasn't aware you was wheelchair bound

Mummyme1987 · 23/06/2016 14:24

Not going to call fire brigade for fav smoke! Though firemen would have cheered the day up no end 😁