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Disabled/baby change

7 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

KatherineMumsnet · 22/06/2016 15:38

Hi all,

We know this is an emotive topic, and one that's popping up a lot at the moment, but we don't - and won't - shut down debate, no matter how well-worn it might be. The OP is quite genuine, as far as we can see. Please don't troll hunt and de-rail the thread.

What we all can do with is support and open discussion free from attack.
As ever, if you see anything you're unsure of, please do report it to us and we'll happily take a look.

RebeccaMumsnet · 22/06/2016 16:04

@BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts

Its okay, hq understand why we are upset as one of their staff is deaf.

Hi Beyond,

We are looking at this thread and many many others at the moment and yes, KatherineMumsnet is deaf and is dealing with this thread right now.

We do try our best to get to things quickly but we also like to do things properly and that can take some time. We know it can be frustrating, we are trying our best.

We do think it is uncalled for to make personal comments like this about a member of our team when we are trying our best to make this a better place for all, we may not always get it right but we are giving this as much of our time as possible.

Apologies that we aren't as quick off the mark as you, and we, would like but can you please remember that we are all human beings trying our best to help.

RebeccaMumsnet · 22/06/2016 16:14

@BishopBrennansArse

Toads - that was a Mnhq response to asking if they understand what the issues are.

Apologies Bishop
The way the mailing systems works is that all reports come in to one mail box. If we have an influx of reports for one thread, as we did for this one, we have a look through the thread as best as we can and remove any posts that break our guidelines and look at the reason for the reports. We do read the reports but quite often, and in this case, the reports were all fairly similar so we gave this thread some attention and zapped the offending posts and then sent a mass reply.

We did not read your specific report. Apologies for that, we are trying to get to things as quickly as we can and sometimes it is not possible to personally reply to every report. If you have a specific question or complaint then please do reply or email [email protected] and we will happily take a look.

Generally, if we only get a handful of reports from one thread, we will reply to each one personally.

KatherineMumsnet · 22/06/2016 18:30

We've had a lot of reports about this thread, and we are doing our best to moderate as quickly as we can - we simply aren't able to get back to all of you individually, and for that we really are sorry.

If you have any complaints at all, please do get in touch at: [email protected], and we will do our best to get back to you as soon we can to address your concerns.

The very last thing we ever wish is for anyone to feel unheard, unsupported and let down by us - please rest assured that we do care, very much, and we are doing the best we can.

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 22/06/2016 20:58

@Baconyum

My dd and I are also disabled.

The lack of support from MNHQ is becoming very disheartening especially given their 'this is my child' campaign.

As for assuming the op aggravated the disabled lady, it happens all the time. It wouldn't be outside the realms of possibility.

In terms of assumption, there's been LOTS of assuming directed AT the disabled lady.

Please be assured that we're aware there are lots disheartened by this - we
are working bloody hard behind the scenes -
We are also hugely busy - we greatly appreciate all the reports but as RebeccaMN said, we want to ensure that we're taking sufficient time to analyse and not make a reflex reaction on each report.

We would also remind you that our overarching aim here is to make parents' lives easier

PEACE AND LOVE please
MNHQ

IonaMumsnet · 22/06/2016 22:01

Evening folks. We're going to suspend posting on this thread just while we have a look through our reports and make deletions where necessary. We'll be deleting any posts that are disablist, whether the posters are being deliberately goady or just thoughtless. We'll also zap any PAs or troll-hunting that have been reported, too.

Please bear with us. We know from reading the Site Stuff threads that what people want is not for these threads to disappear entirely as there is often information in them that should be more widely understood, so we're committed to only deleting the posts that need to go when it is possible to do that. This can take some time, unfortunately, so we appreciate your patience.

IonaMumsnet · 22/06/2016 23:53

Evening again. We've unlocked this thread now so please feel free to continue posting. We would just like to remind everyone to have a look through our talk guidelines. We'll delete any posts reported that break our talk guidelines or that we consider to be disablist, whether that's intentionally so or not.

Watch this thread for updates

Tap "Watch" to get all the latest updates

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