Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my children cry at night?

209 replies

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 21/06/2016 15:12

My 2yo DS sleeps through most nights, but on occasions he will wake up and cry during the night. If I don't go to settle him, he will usually fall back to sleep by himself but it can take anytime between 5 and 45min.
If I go, he calms down immediately.
However, from experience I learned that if I start going to his room to calm him down, he will wake more and more often the following nights.

My husband thinks this is not fair to the neighbors and we should try to calm him down as fast as possible. I am thinking it is best for everybody to keep training my son to sleep through. AIBU?
I live in a terraced house, on both sides the houses have been converted to flats, so lots of neighbors. We live on a very busy and noisy street.

OP posts:
laurenwiltxx · 21/06/2016 15:14

Oooo its a hard one. How much can you hear your neighbours? Would it be an unreasonable amount of noise or just a faint cry?

PotteringAlong · 21/06/2016 15:15

Leaving a 2 year old for 45 minutes to cry? Yes, that's unreasonable

PPie10 · 21/06/2016 15:15

If the neighbours are being disturbed then yes you should be more considerate.

Notbigandnotclever · 21/06/2016 15:17

I would let a child cry for 5 mins max but no longer. In my experience if they are ok enough to self settle they do it quickly. 45 minutes means they are really upset.

shiveringhiccup · 21/06/2016 15:17

Leaving him to cry for 45 minutes is not on. He needs you. Could be poorly etc.. Sorry.

MrsJayy · 21/06/2016 15:18

5 minutes fine they can re settle 45 minutes no yabu would you like to cry for 45 minutes go in shush the baby no lights or chat should settle down

FeckinCrutches · 21/06/2016 15:20

No way would I let a two year old cry for 45mins. Not fair on the baby or the neighbours, surely you realise that?

Topseyt · 21/06/2016 15:20

I would have done much the same when mine were that age, having checked that they weren't ill or anything else first.

Our house is detached though, so the neighbours being disturbed was less of an issue.

I found pandering to them made them worse. Left to themselves and they settled again pretty quickly.

Porcupinetree · 21/06/2016 15:21

I feel really sorry for your son sat crying for over half hour, surely you realise that is unreasonable?

blublutoo · 21/06/2016 15:22

The neighbours aside.... I would not let him cry for 45 mins in the night! how do you know he hasn't hurt himself ?!

Wonkydonkey44 · 21/06/2016 15:24

Wow 45 mins! You are being unreasonable , 2 years old is very little to be left for 45 mins and not going in . I could only manage 2-3 mins tops!

MrsJayy · 21/06/2016 15:24

I think you should set a limit to go to him I dont think there is anything wrong in sleep training especially at 2 but 45 minutes is really to long if its a whinge leave him if its a full on cry go its a phase as they say here it will pass

Lunar1 · 21/06/2016 15:24

5 mins fine, 45 mins is not on.

viviennewestood · 21/06/2016 15:25

I wouldn't be able to leave mine for 5 minutes never mind 45 minutes Hmm

limon · 21/06/2016 15:27

yabu 45 minutes is cruel.

Original poster
LivingOnTheDancefloor · 21/06/2016 15:28

We never hear any noise from the neighbours. The houses are quite old, so thick walls.
The children's window is closed at night.

OP posts:
FeckinCrutches · 21/06/2016 15:30

Ok well if the neighbours can't hear that's fine then Hmm

Original poster
LivingOnTheDancefloor · 21/06/2016 15:31

PPie10 I don't know if they are disturbed. Noone complained.

I am surprised everybody is saying 45min is too much. Maybe I will have to rethink my methods... Honestly I am happy to try new techniques!
To be clear, he doesn't scream for this amount of time, he whines, cries 30sec, then silent for a couple of mins, then calls us, etc.

OP posts:
Porcupinetree · 21/06/2016 15:32

Do you not have any emotional response to hearing your child cry?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 21/06/2016 15:32

What time does he wake?

5 mins at 8:30 is a different thing to 45 mins at 03:00...

Different approach here.
Give him an old tee shirt of yours. Worn.
Use it as a pillow case if it's safe for him.

It will smell of you and should help him settle.

NewLife4Me · 21/06/2016 15:33

I left mine for 5 mins if it was just unsettled crying/moaning stuff.
I never left them crying out loud for more than a couple of mins as you don't know why they are crying until you go to them.
I didn't jump at every little noise but sustained crying is different.
45 min is neglect, I'd report somebody for this Sad

Lj8893 · 21/06/2016 15:35

I have a 2 year old who also wakes occasionally. I leave her a few minutes and she usually settles herself, any longer than that and I go to her. Even if I have to get up several times in the night, it's better for everyone than leaving her to cry.

NewLife4Me · 21/06/2016 15:35

I am worried that you do this and both you and your dh only concern is the neighbours.
God I hope this is a wind up.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/06/2016 15:36

of course you are being unreasonable to let a child cry for 45 minutes

if they have haven't settled themselves after a few minutes you should be helping them settle they are not robots to be programmed

Barneythepurpledinowhore · 21/06/2016 15:38

It's completely up to you of course, but my mum left my to cry and I can actually remember lying in my cot screaming and screaming for someone to come. I guess I must have been a toddler to be able to remember it.