What's with all the slag off my kid's father posts

[Clarke83]

I'm on Facebook. Mainly I use it to keep up with family who live far away but I also occasionally check in at the local cinema, restaurant, soft play etc. I realise that people use Facebook for a variety of reasons but why use it as a forum to air your grievances and anger with your ex and father of your children?

Seriously it's not even Father's Day until tomorrow and I've already seen a ton of posts from people slagging off their child's father or "sperm donor" as they put it, calling them a waste of space and how they are complete d*k h**s. Why do women do this, why so they stoop to such a level?

I was a single mother for two years when my husband of 12 years upped and left me and his two young children for another woman. I'm now in a happy long term relationship but I'll admit I'm still rather angry with my ex and can never forgive him for walking out on his children. But I don't chose to voice that anger to my friends and sometimes even strangers on Facebook. I know people are different but why do this, there's no need for it. Aibu here?

Stop blaming the people left holding the baby without emotional or financial support.

This x million!!

nothing like protecting the poor absent fathers, who couldnt face up to their responsibilites and fucked off, or refuse to financial contribute, or fuck with their children's emotion being by dicking about with contact. Oh yes, lets protects this lot and nobody, especially the (usually) woman who have to pick up their slack, dare publicly shame them for what they are. The fucking outrage. or maybe, if men were shamed more publicly for their shitty parenting skills, more men would realised that actually its not acceptable, society as a whole would realise it was not acceptable and it would become a lesser occurence?

Or actually telling the truth in the face of a sea of lies. God no - don't do that. Self- pitying - fuckit loser dads personified!

I agree op.

Sperm donor is really quit apt fo some men.

'Donor' might actually come across as unnecessarily generous TBH!

YANBU - it's trashy

whats wrong with dc knowing that their father is a useless twat? if the father has walked out on the children, then the children have a right to know what kind of person their father is. If the children are on fb then they are old enough to know the truth. If anything its teaching the next generation how despicable these actions are, (in the hopes that it isnt repeated) rather than sweeping it under the carpet, or speaking about it in hushed tones, as if it those daring to talk about it are wrong. Actually in a way its a bit like how child abuse was treated previously, the victims were hushed up, whilst the perpertrators were allowed to walk away unscathed and we know that this course of action only allowed people to get away with it more and more.

Not being a fishwife who over shares on Facebook does not make you someone who protects bad fathers and perpetuates the abuse of women by men.

Obviously.

whats wrong with dc knowing that their father is a useless twat? if the father has walked out on the children, then the children have a right to know what kind of person their father is. If the children are on fb then they are old enough to know the truth.

this is so far from acceptable I don't know where to start

Aah that's it, speaking the truth gets you labelled a fish wife, a gossip no doubt spreading untrue rumours. And you cant see the correlation between this and how sexual abuse victims were treated in the past.

And actually children aren't stupid. If their fathers are absent irresponsible fuck wits the chances are the children already are acutely aware and a fb rant will make no odds.

No, I cannot see the similarity between not airing your dirty laundry on a popular social network and how sexual abuse victims were treated in the past.

There is no similarity and to conflate the two is offensive.

Yes. Lots of 'I can vent for attention to set the record straight if I like' comments , none explaining why they can't do that one to one via direct messaging. Unless it is for the 'aw hun he is a twat' pity .

The same could be said about the shit dad's who use Facebook to tell everyone what a brilliant Dad they are though. Surely they are doing it for attention too and compliments on what a great Dad they are.

I'm 36 now and seeing my Dad tell everyone how fucking great he was and getting congratulation for it while putting sly digs in at the one who looked after us, who fed us, who wiped my tears when he upset me, who cleaned my vomit when I was ill, who gave me confidence when he knocked it out of me, did way more damage to me than anything my Mum ever said about him to her friends.

I did feel humiliated that I didn't have a Dad, I did feel humiliated in shitty clothes cos he didn't pay maintenance, my Mum felt humiliated for not being able to provide we needed at times. The one who should have been humiliated was getting pats on the back for being the worlds best Dad while the one who was doing 100 percent of the parenting was made to feel ashamed.

Maybe if society pointed their finger and shamed the parent who fucks off and makes them responsible for the pain caused to the dc, instead of the (usually) woman left behind to fix his damage then children won't need to feel humiliated for their Dad's actions. It won't happen though if it's frowned on being discussed openly.

Non of the words used on this thread against mums who speak out describe my Mum at all, she wasn't self pitying, she wasn't pathetic, she didn't have lower morals, she wasn't whining for attention. They do describe my Dad though, funny how nobody ever judged him for it though.

I don't think you can judge people have no idea whats going on and the pain of what some parent feel about the rejection of there children. I don't do facebook personally but I could see how people end up writing them things in a rage.

Some people don't mind everyone knowing their business, and some like to keep it private.

That's all it is really.

And that's fine kitchen unit. What not though is those who like to keep these things private dicouraging/shaming/forbidding others who do want to share what a useless shit their ex is.

Feckless fathers affect everyone not just the child so society should be discussing them instead of turning a deaf ear and pretending the problem doesn't exist (exactly how sexual abuse was previously dealt with )

Post furious rants on Facebook if you want but pause before you do and think 'is there anyway this could cause discomfort or embarrassment for my child?'.

Nothing at all to do with silencing and shaming,

And the comparison with covering up sexual abuse is ridiculous.

Stop pretending a good old rant has any loftier purpose than being a good old rant.

Why? One is in certain ways worse than the other but both are/were treated as unpleasant and unsavoury actions where those who dealt with the fall out were encouraged to keep quiet as it isnt/wasn't socially acceptable to speak out about what you were going through for a variety of reasons. The general premise is the same. And like sexual abuse until it is out in the open and society in the most despises it then it will continue to happen. If anyone finds that offensive please refer to Stephen fry.

If anyone finds that offensive please refer to Stephen fry.

Zzzzzz................

So if you think Facebook rants about your child's other parent mightn't be the wisest course of action that automatically means they're in favour of silencing people on the subject altogether? Because obviously Facebook is the only means of expressing opinions these days............