What's with all the slag off my kid's father posts

[Clarke83]

I'm on Facebook. Mainly I use it to keep up with family who live far away but I also occasionally check in at the local cinema, restaurant, soft play etc. I realise that people use Facebook for a variety of reasons but why use it as a forum to air your grievances and anger with your ex and father of your children?

Seriously it's not even Father's Day until tomorrow and I've already seen a ton of posts from people slagging off their child's father or "sperm donor" as they put it, calling them a waste of space and how they are complete d*k h**s. Why do women do this, why so they stoop to such a level?

I was a single mother for two years when my husband of 12 years upped and left me and his two young children for another woman. I'm now in a happy long term relationship but I'll admit I'm still rather angry with my ex and can never forgive him for walking out on his children. But I don't chose to voice that anger to my friends and sometimes even strangers on Facebook. I know people are different but why do this, there's no need for it. Aibu here?

Yeah I don't why anyone air theirs laundry on Facebook.

It's not very sprezz.

My kids' dad is a twat. I have more class than to spread it all over fb though :)

Do you think the same of men who do the same?

Most definitely

YANBU at all OP. I think firstly though unfollow them if it gets your goat, it's only Facebook after all. Secondly, I agree with some other posters, it lacks class

Men who do it are just as bad I agree there.

The unfollow option on Facebook is fantastic. I managed to swerve my groomzilla friend's wedding prep, wedding and honeymoon. Bliss.

Yup I've unfollowed so many people I forget I'm friends with them.

My partner has been on receiving end of the type of shit you're talking about and it really upset him, there is no recourse for the partner, no way that they can state their case, sometimes the ex isn't the villain!
i have to say i think its a shitty thing to do and kids do find out about it and it effects them when they see their mum slagging their dad off that i might add in this case they see very regularly.

adults should act like adults.

I don't post personal stuff really, but have been itching to post on FB all day about my thundercunt ex and the abysmal way he is treating my lovely children whilst parading himself as devoted dad. Who fucks off for father's day without a mention? We have been bombarded with father's day for a month. Feelings are running high. I would love to show people who he really is. But soft play check-in - ewww!

Seriously? Its up to each individual what they decide to post, if you dont like it unfriend people.

Poisonous posts on fb often say more about the poster than the post-ee

But if someone wants to slag off their partner in FB in the first place what is wrong with it?

There is nothing wrong with calling an absent father a sperm donor. Essentially that is what he is. He produced a child and now doesn't want to take responsibility for it. You see it on here all the time.

The children aren't affected. It's not to their face its on FB and by the time the kids are old enough to join FB they will probably already know what a twat their dad was in the first place

itsmine, i dont personally do it ok, but if the children are not in contact with the father what the hell has it got to do with anyone else whats posted? I mean why post posts like this? its like people are trying to tell people what to post, when in fact its none of theyre bloody business.

If news of a parent's rant on FB somehow gets back to the child, then shame on whatever adults have done that. It is up to everyone to protect children from the fallout of their arsehole fathers' poor performance.

There comes a point where only the fathers are protected when women remain silent about the poor behaviour, lack of financial support, jerking around with contact, and all the rest of the shoddy stuff that fathers can get away with because silence allows them to. You can be sure that children are already suffering.

I mean why post posts like this? its like people are trying to tell people what to post, when in fact its none of theyre bloody business.

Because it's AIBU. It's about opinions. If we were limited to having opinions on things which were our bloody business the number of topics under discussion would rapidly shrink.

I think people post too personal stuff on fb for attention and I don't think it's necessary - usually it's to be the victim and get lots of posts from similar air heads for sympathy. The most annoying posts are those that give half a tale so people have to ask 'what's wrong', 'who has upset you' etc and I won't even give them the satisfaction - pathetic people

"There comes a point where only the fathers are protected when women remain silent about the poor behaviour, lack of financial support, jerking around with contact, and all the rest of the shoddy stuff that fathers can get away with because silence allows them to. You can be sure that children are already suffering"

Well personally I tried to tell my dd about what her father was like, to protect her from his extreme irresponsability, but I think that is different from slagging him off in a public forum.

If my dad were a deadbeat then I'd probably already know and if I didn't then I should. Kids should be aware than men who do very little parenting aren't gods. How will the next generation change things if we continue to see child rearing as women's work?
What in saying is so what if your ds saw a post moaning about his father.

Maybe the DC don't want the entire world to know their dad is an arsehole?

There are a lot of complicated feelings bound up in all this already. Not helped by an emotionally labile parent vomiting it all over Facebook.

I don't have friends I can phone. I'm very isolated.I do have friends on Facebook that I can message and chat with online. Very rarely I have exploded about my daughter's dad. It's helpful and helps contain the anger so she never sees it. She won't ever see it. I don't call him a sperm donar. He still tries to be abusive and controlling. But I don't don't do it for attention. It's my only outlet. I'm more than happy for people to unfriend me.

I'm not in Facebook, sometimes my sister will let me use hers to have a look at family stuff, my Dad was in there and he'd make himself out to be a perfect father, anything good db or I achieved he'd take full credit for it, he'd revel in the "ohhhh you're a great dad" anything negative he'd have a dig at mum, without actually having a dig.

My brother was intensive care a few years ago, and he shamed my Mum for not being at hospital, Dad's friends really laid into her, thing is Dad forgot to tell people that SIL asked him to let me and Mum know as she needed to get back to brother and my Dad deliberately didn't tell me for two fucking days because he knew I'd tell my Mum and he thinks that because mum left him 30 fucking years ago then she's a shit Mum and has no right to know when her son is at a very real risk of dying. Dad was at brothers bedside making out mum didn't care, she didn't know because he used it as a point scoring opportunity.

He did fuck all for us and I've been tempted many times to join up just to put a few people straight. The only reason I didn't was because some people would think I'm the twat. I can understand why some people vent on Facebook, especially if their ex is on there making out like he's a doting Dad and has people telling him great he is etc, and I can understand why some don't post personal stuff on there. Those who don't are not morally superior or have more dignity and i don't think people who do are automatically pathetic or immature.

Also, I wouldn't lower my opinion of friend talking about something shitty their ex had done, if anything I'd lower my opinion of the ex who'd been shitty. (I wouldn't have people I didn't know well on FB if I ever joined so wouldn't think they were lying)

I'm sorry you had a hard time when your dh left OP, and I'm glad life is better for you, but you not talking about him being a twat on Facebook does not make you better than others who do talk about it on Facebook.

'There comes a point where only the fathers are protected when women remain silent about the poor behaviour, lack of financial support, jerking around with contact, and all the rest of the shoddy stuff that fathers can get away with because silence allows them to. You can be sure that children are already suffering.'

Exactly!

My ex texted my dd a few days ago, so on the run up to Father's Day, to say he's 'too busy' to see her ALL YEAR! He hasn't seen her for over 3 years, that was the first thing she'd heard from him this year!

Oh meant to include - but on fb he's a doting dad 'prevented' from seeing dd and calling/texting her regularly - all bullshit!