Why is it so unbelievable that not everyone has outside help?

[NeedACleverNN]

Not quite TAAT but inspired by one.

I've seen many a thread where the OP desperately needs to go out whether to collect a child from school or to go to the shop.

She can't go because a child is sick or is in bed and the automatic response is always ask a neighbour/friend/family even when it's been made clear in the OP that none of the above are available.

Take me for example.

If I had to suddenly go to the shop for emergency electric, my two children would be in bed.

Now I would have to possibly leave them for up to 7 mins on their own because:-
My neighbours don't speak English so wouldn't know what to do
My husband is at work and wouldn't be able to get away
I have no friends who could be there at the drop of a hat
Same with family.

Yet nearly every other post would still be "why can't your neighbour just watch them for 10 mins"?

Is it really that hard to believe in this day and and age that not everyone has outside support anymore?

Disclaimer:- I have not run out of electric and I do not need to go to the shop. This was my made up example without having to resort to an example about another thread

We don't have any muslin squares anymore. My oldest is 15 months and we have 3 towels. One for each of us and a bath cape towel for the oldest.

We need more towels really

I've only just got rid of the muslin squares and terry towelling ones in last move - and think there may yet be a few lurking round my youngest is 7 .

You seriously need more towels .

Mind you our problem has always been drying things so we have more things like towels as washing and getting things dry can mean big washing piles while we wait for good weather or stuff on air driers to finally dry.

I do think it is up to individuals to create their own support network. Yes it is hard and means chatting to other mums at the school gates or arranging playdates or coffee dates in an effort to make new friends.

I live overseas, we have no family here, we then moved to a new area where we knew no-one, so i was stuck for a while, but you need to make connections within the community so there will be people who can help if anything happens.

Now I have a few friends who I could call on to watch the DC if I REALLY needed it, I don't like to call in favours unless an emergency, but you are doing yourself a disservice if you don't try to make a support network of some sort.

I so try to create a social network but I do find people treat me differently because I am deaf.

I go to a baby group that had around 6 mothers including me with babies all the same ages. 2 years later and they are all still close but I'm ignored. I couldn't keep up with their conversations and they couldn't be bothered to keep repeating themselves.

So every week I go to the baby group and I sit on my own. But I still go. For my children if nothing else

Need it's hard not to take it personally, but some people don't know what to say and so you end up feeling isolated.

I have a deaf colleague who said that he struggled making "dad" friends and felt that people avoided him rather than struggle to make conversation

I posted on the first page of this thread, saying that I had no community or family support whatsoever.

This was slightly disingenuous of me. It's true that this was the case a year and a half ago, when my abusive and violent husband first left. It's also true that I still have no family support. My eldest son has medical needs which mean that only a few, trained people can look after him. I haven't been able to go to counselling or attend the domestic violence support group.

Still, since my husband left, I have been regaining the confidence to make friends in my community. I've been doing some volunteering, and that has helped me make friends who could and would probably help in an emergency, who have no childcare commitments already, and who have the skills.

I can't forget how isolated I was. It's so sad that some folk on this thread can't or won't understand.

I am a single parent, and I keep good emergency stocks of everything in the house, despite being on benefits (I am lucky to know how to do this).

Please, please don't judge. . Some of us live in crap situations, in dodgy neighbourhoods, have hidden problems and children with complex needs.

The main way I have built up support is by giving help to my neighbours when they have needed it.

oobe but arranging play dates and whatnot only works if you're not working full time.
Same with friends at the school gate etc...

And as said by numerous people before, it also depends on where you live. Sometimes, y can make all the effort you want it's not going to work. If people never talk to you (I've had similar experience that NN and I have no disability), how will you ever invite them over?

It s disheartening to hear you just have to make the effort' as if people hadn't tried to make some friends and couldn't be bothered :(