Why is it so unbelievable that not everyone has outside help?

[NeedACleverNN]

Not quite TAAT but inspired by one.

I've seen many a thread where the OP desperately needs to go out whether to collect a child from school or to go to the shop.

She can't go because a child is sick or is in bed and the automatic response is always ask a neighbour/friend/family even when it's been made clear in the OP that none of the above are available.

Take me for example.

If I had to suddenly go to the shop for emergency electric, my two children would be in bed.

Now I would have to possibly leave them for up to 7 mins on their own because:-
My neighbours don't speak English so wouldn't know what to do
My husband is at work and wouldn't be able to get away
I have no friends who could be there at the drop of a hat
Same with family.

Yet nearly every other post would still be "why can't your neighbour just watch them for 10 mins"?

Is it really that hard to believe in this day and and age that not everyone has outside support anymore?

Disclaimer:- I have not run out of electric and I do not need to go to the shop. This was my made up example without having to resort to an example about another thread

I think often it's reluctance to ask for help from people you barely know, rather than total lack of available support. That's an issue for me, anyway. I hate asking for favours, even from friends. But in reality most people are happy to help if you need it. I live abroad, but there are at least six lots of neighbours who would almost certainly help out if I asked. They'd probably even be happy to be asked. But I'm so uncomfortable asking for help that it would have to be a real emergency before I asked. I bet OP's non English speaking neighbours would sit in the house for ten minutes while the kids slept, but I totally understand not wanting to ask.

Sorry helen I'm trying to be as vague as I can be

But I know I certainly wouldn't leave my child with someone I didn't know! Would you?

This could have been an interesting thread but some people just can help but be snidey and make little digs. Typical.

It is a real issue when there is no support. I know it happens, I see it in my line of work all the time.

Yep, I was thinking the same thing earlier. I can't believe so many people live in the same town as their parents/family to be honest, I can't think of anyone IRL who does but it seems most MNers live very close to family. My nearest family member is 1.5 hours away and has a baby of her own so not exactly readily available for emergency childcare.

Also, I always wonder what's so wrong about TAATs? I can't work out what the problem could be.

My evening has been spent working out how my timetable fits around strike action at DS's school. DH is working away some days next week which leaves me with no one else who can pick DS up. Everyone I know locally works full time. Being full time, I haven't had chance to meet other parents and make contacts. No local family. Our nearest relative is about an hour away and hasn't been able to drive this far in nearly a decade. Most are in another country. We can adapt most of the time, but sometimes we can be stretched rather thin.

Not a total stranger, but a neighbour, yes I would leave my child with a neighbour.

No I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my children with people I didn't know either.

Not just from my perspective but my children's aswell.

They would be frightened to suddenly be left with someone they had probably never even met before

No I would even leave them with a neighbour. I struggle leaving her with friends.

Wouldn't *

I agree.

I have postnatal depression and I get fed up when my HV yet again asks if I have anyone to help out. For the fourth time, no, my parents and sister have not suddenly moved next door and can babysit for an hour to enable me to get some sleep. It's their job but it's frustrating.

I bet OP's non English speaking neighbours would sit in the house for ten minutes while the kids slept, but I totally understand not wanting to ask.

I've tried striking up a conversation with them as basic as I can as they have children of their own, though their children are more 8 and 10 compared to my 3 and 1 year old but it ended up being a lot of smiling, shrugging and in the end giving up on both sides

Someone they'd never met before is a bit different and I wouldn't do that. But surely they've met the neighbours? Actually, I do live in a village with an extremely friendly atmosphere, where the kids play out on the street from a young age, there are street events and neighbours are expected to chat and help out. So maybe I have lost perspective on what most neighbourhood relations are like. (Only lived here a year though!)

I'm in a similar position, I have lots of friends, but they are not near enough, or can't simply drop everything to help.
Most of the time I manage and hope a dire emergency doesn't happen, I'm prepared in that I keep my meters topped up, have emergency food/milk etc.
I really have no one to suddenly ask straight away without it being awkward though.

OP sorry for my earlier comment, it was just a joke but not the right situation for it.

You wouldn't leave your kids with a neighbour yet would be happy for them to wake up and find they are alone in the house?

I don't know hesterton

This is what we could try to work out. How to make friends with your neighbours and offer emergency childcare if it's ever needed such as a parent needed to go to a hospital or essentials needing from a shop for a parent with a sick child

I agree. Life is incredibly difficult with no outside help. Which is why we decided to only have 1 child. I don't know how we could have coped otherwise, especially as both Dh and I work.

hesteron have you heard of Home Start? They are a charity whose volunteers support families, often young parents with no other support, in their own homes. The support can range from just holding a baby while mum/dad has a shower/cup of tea/breakfast, to more intensive support like accompanying families to hospital appointments etc. You can volunteer for a couple of hours a week or more if you can spare the time.

Asprillia

It was taken as a joke. No worries

And my children don't wake at night and if they did, I don't immediately run up to them within 5 mins anuway

Same as and I think it's ridiculous, how many of us actually know our neighbors well enough to leave Dc with them? I don't know where half these people live but where I am I wouldn't leave the dog . In all honesty some people just can't see past the end of their nose

I have friends I can call at any time to ask them to keep an eye on DS if I suddenly need to go the hospital but for any other things DS comes with me.

I find the " can you ask a neighbour/friend..." comments annoying, my neighbours and friends are as busy and as tied up with work as I am.

I've probably not spent more than 5 minutes speaking to my current neighbours in 2 years. There is no way I know them well enough to ask them to look after my 3 yr old DS.

DH had to take me to A&E last year. DS came with us in the car I went into A&E on my own and DH waited until my dad arrived to pick up DS. If my dad hadn't been able to come DH and DS would have gone home.

Luckily my parents only live about 45mins away, but there isn't anyone more local.