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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guest helping herself to food

186 replies

limon · 12/06/2016 11:42

AIBU that a 10 year old guest has just helped herself to food at my house without asking?

It has really irritated me. And she's got really bad table manners - eats with her mouth open very loudly.

OP posts:
Buggers · 12/06/2016 11:43

Yanbu that would annoy me, is she just over for sleepover?

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2016 11:44

How is she a guest? Is she staying with you, or on a play date with your child?

Lweji · 12/06/2016 11:44

Educate her on being a guest and tell her to ask for food first.

What kind of guest is it? Is she staying there or just a couple of hours?
What are the rules in your house with your children?

Original poster
limon · 12/06/2016 11:45

Sorry yes she's on a playdate.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/06/2016 11:46

You can correct the taking of the food without asking.

I used to ask my DDs to mention table manners/behaviour, that I didn't like.

I wouldn't cut off a friendship, because the child has a different upbringing.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond · 12/06/2016 11:46

It would annoy me too. But just tell her nicely that in this house we ask before we help ourselves to food. No big deal.

KissMyArse · 12/06/2016 11:51

Maybe her friends are allowed to help themselves to food at her house so she doesn't realise she's doing anything wrong.

Agree with PP to politely inform her she needs to ask if she want something when she is at your house.

BlackVelvet1 · 12/06/2016 11:54

YABU to be really irritated, she's 10. Just tell her to ask next time. Unless it's caviar she has helped herself too, I can't see the fuss.

LemonSqueezy0 · 12/06/2016 11:56

I think you just need to mention it politely. It will help their development in the long term (in regard to social norms etc) and give her the heads up that not all houses are the same so it's worth asking before doing. Another home she goes to might be more relaxed and open house type of place. Just mention it nicely, no need for a big telling off of anything.

carryam · 12/06/2016 12:03

Agree that this is a teaching moment. She obviously hasn't been taught to wait and see what the rules are in terms of access to food. Being taught this, will help her long term. You could also gently correct her table manners. Children need to be taught these things, not all parents do though.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 12/06/2016 12:05

I would also correct her gently.
But could it be that DD offered her some food? (Eg a "help yourself" kind of thing)

Zucker · 12/06/2016 12:06

Unless she's helped herself to the Bollinger and secret naice chocolates, maybe cut her some clack! Was she hungry?

Zucker · 12/06/2016 12:07

clack? slack!

alltouchedout · 12/06/2016 12:09

She's 10, there are probably different rules at her house. Mention it gently and nicely. Would you have said no if she'd asked?

AnnaMarlowe · 12/06/2016 12:09

Do you help yourself to food in other people's houses Zucker? I bet you don't.

Chewbecca · 12/06/2016 12:10

I had that once, DS's friend was looking through my fridge mid movie. He then asked for my Apple ID so he could buy an app on my iPad. I think different rules must've applied in his house to mine. Haven't invited him back!

AppleSetsSail · 12/06/2016 12:10

Why does it irritate you?

FeedTheBirdsTuppenceABag · 12/06/2016 12:10

we don't even know what she has helped herself too, has she gone through your cupboards, or given herself an extra spoonful of mashed potato?

I think its harsh to react like this. We host students from a few places round the world and you get used to different table manners, some have been rather astonishing to say the least

blimeyalldecentnamesaregone · 12/06/2016 12:10

What did she help herself to? Did it mean going in a cupboard or was it something out on display?

FeedTheBirdsTuppenceABag · 12/06/2016 12:11

chew why didnt you just say " in this house we dont allow children to go through the fridge" Confused

BabooshkaKate · 12/06/2016 12:11

This reminds me - once when I was a child I went to a friend's house. Mum was busy elsewhere. Friend said help yourself to fruit. I had a couple of mandarins and an apple, was about to help myself to a banana when mum walks in and goes absolutely nuclear at me for being greedy and eating "everything".

Apparently the house had a one piece each policy. My house had a "as much as you want" policy and I loved fruit so would usually have one of everything.

Nataleejah · 12/06/2016 12:13

I usually leave nibbles/drinks for little guests to help themselves. Also remind my own DC not to let their guests to nose around where they are not supposed to be.

YABU to be really irritated at a 10yo. Children are still learning, and sometimes 'forget' manners if not reminded.

WanHeda · 12/06/2016 12:14

My own children are not allowed free access to the fridge, so other people definitely woudn't get to! I would just gently inform them the house rule on food.

HiddenMeaning · 12/06/2016 12:14

My kids used to stop any of their friends who tried to take food without asking so I didn't need to get involved. They were horrified that other kids would be so rude.

OP, I'd simply tell the child that she mustn't take anything without asking and to let you know if she is hungry. It's not a big deal.

carryam · 12/06/2016 12:15

At 10 years old a child should know that different rules apply at different houses. The fact she doesn't is not her fault.