Guest helping herself to food

[limon]

AIBU that a 10 year old guest has just helped herself to food at my house without asking?

It has really irritated me. And she's got really bad table manners - eats with her mouth open very loudly.

Living in America in the Sixties, I was surprised to see most of my friends helping themselves from any available fridge, including my own - they thought I had odd ideas too.

Why not say that it's the rule in your house that adults provide snacks as that way you know when you need to go shopping again?

This removes the pressure on your guest as it's a rule for any child in the house.

I have fruit out all the time and a 'snack cupboard' that has crisps, crackers, cereal bars and juice cartons in. DD knows that her and her friends can help themselves to any of that. Anything else has to be asked for - I let DD do the telling and don't get involved.

I don't think it's rude to correct children's table manners in your own home, just as you would mete out reminders to your own children. Just don't make a big deal of it or turn it into an 'us and them' situation.

Gosh. I'm with Cody. But then again, I just don't see the issue at all. Supermarket is round the corner if we need anything that we're out of. Eating with mouth open? Not your job to say anything. Look elsewhere?

Cut her some slack, she's 10 and clearly not used to your rules, doesn't make her a bad person. I would be seriously pissed off if my ds made a mistake/ forgot his manners and the parent posted about it!

So rude! I would have said in a non-threatening but definitely assertive manner something like 'oooh, doesn't your Mum make you ask before you take things? It's only polite name'

As a child I wasn't allowed to just help myself to food at home and certainly wouldn't have dreamt of doing it anywhere else. Fruit was not help yourself either. It might grow on trees but it isn't free.

That's not on MHnurse. By all means say no but don't criticise a child's mum in a passive aggressive manner.

What did she take? Do you mean she was hungry and had some fruit /crisps/ yoghurt or suchlike? I can't imagine that bothering me in the slightest tbh.

It's rude. Having said that, my DD aged 11 has an absolutely GORGEOUS friend who is lovely on all levels...she stays here sometimes for two nights in a row and is NO bother.

She sometimes will go to the fridge without asking but in her case I've never minded at all because she always says thank you and please and she will ask if she can wash up etc.

I think if the child is very familiar with the family it's ok.

I would be annoyed by this but it's nothing that can't be changed by having a quick word with the friend. I would breezily remind her that she needs to ask for food next time. If that doesn't sort it out then I would refuse to have the friend over again.

Yanbu, she should ask, it is rude.

I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people who think this is normal and fine. My own dc don't just help themselves to food so I wouldn't expect their friends to. Maybe I have high expectations but for me I'd expect them to say "please may I have a snack?" Unless it was minutes to dinner time and I was in the process of dishing up, the answer would always be "of course you can." I guess this may change as dc get older but we don't really have much in terms of snacks in this house as we're not big snackers.

When you have children in your home you need to expect they might do things differently in their own homes and guide them if they do something you don't like. The more they are at yours they will learn your rules.

ds's friends have learned they don't just leave their plates etc at the table when finished, they take them through to the kitchen and put leftovers in the bin. If they have spilled anything at the table they give it a wipe. If they have any wrappers they put in the bin etc.

If the child has not been told by the host parent that they can help themselves, than they should not!

"For some people eating with your mouth open IS their social norm. For others being served by a uniformed staff member at a white clothed table set with 4 lots of cutlery and finger bowls might be the norm. "

Exactly. I remember a girl I knew complaining that her ex boyfriend's family server food already on a plate for her rather than letting her serve herself from dishes on the table. No one person has a monopoly on the right way to eat.

My childhood best friend was allowed to just take food. Sometimes fruit, sometimes crisps
I loved it.

We were relatively poorly off, cheap food rationed carefully - definitely no helping oneself.

Guess which model I use for my own child?

It's lovely to be able to make choices and host her friends. And she always gives me a hopeful cheeky smile and asks first if it's chocolate they're after!

How are people seriously excusing bad behaviour? Whether it's bad parenting or not... She needs to know that you can't just take from someone else without asking. Basic things you teach a 2 year old.

dc had a playdate like that once.
I told the child they mustn't take anything from the cupboards, but there is a bowl of fruit and biscuits on the table and a jug of water to help themselves.
apparently I'm mean and this child doesn't visit anymore result

My kids can help themselves to any food at any time, but im sure they would ask if .they were having a sleepover

I too am dying to know what she took.
Op, you need to give us all the details.

'Dear OP on this site we have a rule that when you start a thread you must give all the details in your first posting. Hasn't your mum taught you to not disappear for 2 hours leaving people dying of curiosity? It is rude'.

(PA smile)

I don't have a problem with people helping themselves from the fridge at our house. I married into an Arab family and it is very much a make yourself at home wherever you go. There is always plenty of food and drink on offer. But my own large family is like that too. I like that the children who visit our home are comfortable here although I should imagine they ask whichever DC they are with if it's OK to have a snack or drink first.

It isn't 'high expectations'...Just different. My kids are free to help themselves to food in this house, it is their house too! They know that fruit, yogurt, cheese, toast etc can be got but 'junk food', which we rarely buy, has to be asked for. They would always ask in someone else's house, unless friend helped themselves to an Apple in which case they might too for example. But I wouldn't bar an eyelid at a child taking a snack in my house, unless they start cooking up a 3 course meal obviously. I certainly wouldn't tell them off if it did bother me... A simple "oh dear, were you hungry? Let me know next time so I can see what's available" would do.

Eating with their mouth open would not be my place to comment, I'm not there to teach them as I am not their parent.