Guest helping herself to food

[limon]

AIBU that a 10 year old guest has just helped herself to food at my house without asking?

It has really irritated me. And she's got really bad table manners - eats with her mouth open very loudly.

I would take it as a sign that this child is comfortable at my house, and I would be pleased.

I understand that if money is an issue you don't want your cupboards stripped bare, but short of this it seems really petty and mean to correct a child for helping herself.

And I agree with penne, I don't want to be hosting my children's friends - that's their job. I point them to the larder and leave them to it.

Pearlman
Yes, but the basic distinction between food in your house being 'your' and food in your friend's house being 'not yours' is different

Easy to make a mistake if a child is welcome to help themselves in some households but not others. Getting to grips with unwritten rules is something you acquire as you get older. Children won't necessarily pick up on the subtleties/differences in rules straight away.

Then just tell the child to help themselves, otherwise it is very rude for them to come in and just dig into the fridge. If someone had helped themselves without asking, than I would not make them feel bad, just point out that if they need anything just ask.

If they are past the age of say 9/10 I would tell them to help themselves. I just do not want my fridge to be a complete mess, and kitchen, with food and cereal everywhere. If they are little I would prefer they ask for this reason.

This thread will end up in the DM.

"When they buy their own food, then they can eat it whenever they choose to without recourse to me. Til then, they ask first."

So, they're 20, home from university will they still have to ask you if they want a snack? Do you police drinks in the same way?

Why would I police drinks in the same way? They know where the tap is.

And yes, I know they know where the food is as well, but the tap only dispenses water so they can help themselves to that without a problem - it's not going to run out (most of the time) inconveniently, or be missing the next time I need it for lunches/dinner/whatever.

I didn't know they were only allowed to drink tap water Thumb.

I have to police my larder or my children will just eat everything they deem "nice".

They have unlimited access to fruit and salad.

Thumbwitch, in my circle, we all know each other very well and are very comfortable in each other's homes. I try to make my feel guest feel welcome. I'm guessing that just doesn't happen in your home. Whatever works for each family, I suppose

I wouldn't mind at all. She was probably hungry. Stop being so prissy op.

Ahh she's only 10 and picked up a piece of fruit. Leave her be.

I try to learn from previous visits, encourage ds to ask what they like to eat/drink beforehand if possible. Then I try to put out enough choices of snacks and drinks on the kitchen table, say help yourself to this as you like. I also make my ds clear up after his friends once they've left but I'm usually delighted that the friend helps beforehand. Sometimes even helping me bring in shopping from car. It seems to work quite well,

YANBU. I have hosted many playdates/sleepovers etc for DD over the years and no child or teenager has ever walked into the kitchen and helped themselves to food. Would have been a bit shocked if they did! You just don't do that in someone else's home.

As an adult, you wouldn't expect to go round someone's house, say for coffee, and ferret through their fridge, would you? So surely children need to learn what is socially acceptable at a young age, or how will they know? Surprised at all the posters who seem to think it's fine and you're making a fuss.

Agreeing with CodyKing's post above.

I'd prefer visitors (and my own dc, tbh) to ask/check with me first. But how graceless to make a child feel bad because of it. I usually offer/provide snacks quite early on in the visit, which helps.

Dc had a friend who was very revolved around at home. When he was at ours and I offered him something to eat he asked 'What can you offer me?' I was and did rebuke him - as gently as I could manage - just because it sounded so very arrogant and demanding. His manners eventually got a lot better when he came to ours. In that context, I can't get too worked up about a child innocently helping themselves from, say, the fruit bowl.

Is she from UK background? In my dh's culture, it's perfectly acceptable for a child to help him or herself to normal food when visiting. I mean, not a full meal or expensive stuff but fruit and a small snack, the kind of stuff which would probably be offered anyway.

"As an adult, you wouldn't expect to go round someone's house, say for coffee, and ferret through their fridge, would you? "

Nadia, when I stay over with friends I'm always told I can help myself to tea, milk and bread, jam, etc. If I take a lot of something, I'll buy them a new pack before I go home. It's a bit different because I might be in their home on my own sometimes, but it avoids them having to ask me if I want a cup of tea all the time.

Staying with someone often has different rules to visiting.

yes Gwen but the host tells you, you don't just walk in and help yourself, it's rude.

I don't allow any children in our home to take food without asking, with the exception of fruit and water from the tap. That goes for the 9 year old, the 6 year old and any friends they have over. If I let DS1 have free reign over food there would never be anything in the cupboards. I have to say though - I've never had a child over that hasn't asked first for a snack - at which point I'll either day 'teas in a minute so not just now, no' or 'one or two things from the snack cupboard'.

No, YANBU. Nobody should help themselves to anything other than loo roll in your house without asking first.

YANBU. That would irritate me too, particularly the eating with mouth open part.....HATE THAT!!!

yab a bit u - unless of course he/she took your chocolate stash or prosecco #bannedforlife 😂