Guest helping herself to food

[limon]

AIBU that a 10 year old guest has just helped herself to food at my house without asking?

It has really irritated me. And she's got really bad table manners - eats with her mouth open very loudly.

YANBU about helping herself to food, but I wouldn't correct a child who ate with their mouth open.

I would never sit and eat a meal with them myself, though, because I cannot bear to watch that, and eating noises make me want to cry or scream.

They may have felt at home and thought the same rules applied. Just ask her to let you know if she's hungry. No need to be angry unless she's actually raiding the food.

I think it actually teaches you as a parent that you need to say what you want to happen at the beginning so you've made it clear. As pps have said different rules in different houses and to a child this might be too subtle for some to understand.

I'd expect people to either ask first, or more likely I'd have offered something.

But here we tend to plan our meals and shopping around that. So if someone went and took a packet of crisps without asking, I wouldn't know to go and buy more for the following days packed lunch if we were low.

As an adult I wouldn't take food from even my best friends' kitchen & would certainly ask first and I'm very comfortable with them. Sometimes my kids offer their friends food when I'm upstairs which is ok, but it's not always what I'd approve of (more DS age 12 than older DD, she would ask me first, or if I'm around I will offer). So I think YANBU, but as others have said, cut her some slack as they may do it like that at home. Mine usually ask for food unless I'm not at home!!

Oh my god! Who cares!!? Just say gently and with a smile to the CHILD "We tend to ask in this house when we would like a snack/food etc so I'd prefer it if you'd come to me when you want something :-)" Its so not a big deal and it shouldn't officially annoy anyone unless you don't particularly like the child anyway.

Tell a child what your rules are. Don't expect a child to glean it!

Interesting that mostly it's being assumed that the child is doing what they've been taught at home.

Children quite often push the rules, in a hopeful kind of way! They know that a play date / visit to someone else's house might mean normal rules are relaxed a little bit - and hope they can have the nicer foods / drinks.

She's only 10, it's not her fault that her parents have not taught her better manners. Please don't make her feel bad and upset her by telling her off, poor kid. Perhaps an idea would be to use the next opportunity to ask her, if there's anything she'd like to drink or eat, and if she says no, then just say "okay, if there ever is, please feel free to ask me for it" and if she says yes, go with the same thing, just make it clear to her that if there's anything she'd like please ask, and if you think you need to spell it out, then perhaps gently say "I prefer if you ask me for food, instead of taking it yourself," but please be gentle.

My daughter has a problem with her jaw that will be finally sorted when her head has stopped growing. You wouldn't know by looking at her but it does mean she can't shut her mouth very well when eating. She's nearly ten. Wonder if grown adults will judge her (and me) because of something that isn't her fault. I bloody hope not. We don't particularly like it either, her siblings have to be reminded to, just not look, but we're not going to make her feel bad for something she can't help.

IME kids are more likely to ask/behave/be polite in someone else's house.

My ds will have a nose in the fridge before he asks, he wouldn't dream of doing that in someone else's house!

YANBU....I would be fuming, it's obvious that the parents have not taught her any manners. If one of my children did that at someones house I would be really annoyed with them. We have lots of friends over to our house and not one of them has ever done that!

Yabu. She's only a child and maybe she has different rules in her house. There's nothing to get irritated over. She's just a child. After reading your post, I'd hate for my child to go for a play date at your house or someone like you.

Don't for heavens sake tell her off, or some people on here will get extremely upset. Maybe you could just pass-ag her ?

I don't think the point is the food so much as the bad manners this shows. I wouldn't dream of taking food out of my friends cupboard and we are very close.......it's all about manners this in my humble opinion. Both my children have been brought up with manners and if they go to other people's houses, they ask and say please and thank you. The 'they feel comfortable in my home and that makes me happy' just doesn't cut it with me I'm afraid.

No doubt I'll have upset a few people on here, but it's just my opinion folks! Manners cost nothing!

Maybe she was absolutely starving hungry?

Blowing hot food is rude?!?!? I had no idea 😲😲

It doesn't matter how hungry you are, you should ask rather than just take other people's food. And children can be made to feel at home without feeling they can raid the fridge.

Eh, I don't see the big deal. When we have people staying over (family, friends), we always tell everyone to make themselves at home which means they can help themselves to food and drink whenever they want.

I withPalpatine about being hospitable . . . I was asking what if that child was really starving, not fed at home for some reason and you are getting all high and mighty about manners . . . Have some compassion for. 10 year old child.

When I was little our NDN used to babysit me and my parents would do the same for their DC.

I'd be dropped off at theirs around 6 not having eaten - they'd already had their tea and were a strict no snacking family so I sometimes went from lunchtime until the next morning not having eaten. I was too polite to say anything, wish I'd been bolshy enough to help myself!

YANBU. When my ds1 was 6yo he had a friend round who opened my fridge and asked " what's this?" I was just about to reply "cream cheese" when she took the lid off and licked it 😫.

My own children ask before raiding the cupboards so I certainly expect guests to. It's about respect for your household.

My DS was very forcefully corrected by his friends Dad on a playdate a couple of years ago for eating with his mouth open. I had explained to the Mum that DS had just had a sinus operation and couldn't eat and breath through his nose at the same time. This message had not been passed on seemingly. DS was so upset the Mum brought his home half way through dinner. His confidence around eating has never been the same since. Be careful before you try and helpfully aid other kids table manners.

It's very bad manners to help yourself to other people's food with out having been told that you can or having asked first.

I have had this happen with my DC's friends and I've just said something along the lines of, I don't mind you having x but could you ask next time just so I know? None of them appeared embarrassed and all have come back so I know it's not been that traumatic for them.

She's hungry ? Offer her something to eat then. Let her know if she's hungry she can have something but come to you first.