Guest helping herself to food

[limon]

AIBU that a 10 year old guest has just helped herself to food at my house without asking?

It has really irritated me. And she's got really bad table manners - eats with her mouth open very loudly.

"You could also gently correct her table manners. Children need to be taught these things, not all parents do though."

Not sure I agree with that one. Table manners vary between families. In my family we were taught to blow on hot food so I don't think my parents would have been impressed if you said that was wrong (I only found out recently that it's not the done thing).

Chewing food with your mouth open is not acceptable in many households.

I agree with telling her to ask next time but gently ( I see you had some XXX, did you enjoy it? Good, another time just check with me first so I can keep a track of what we have'.

But absolutely NO to correcting her table manners. She is your guest, not a foster child, it is not your place to be setting your standards above those of her family. If you wouldn't say it to another adult dont say it to a child. I would have been humiliated if someone had done that to me.

My fridge is obviously too dull - there isn't anything in it that a ten year old or adult would fancy helping themselves too.

You don't like this child, do you.

Not the sort of person you like your nice DC hanging out with?

It's not the child's fault. YABU.

Carryam - yes, but is it worth making a big deal of? She's not bringing up the child.

Well if I'd slept over in someone's house I, as an adult, would say is it okay to get something to eat. This child is 10 and grabbed a bite to eat as she may do at home. Not a big deal.

The problem is if no adults gently correct this child, it may be quite a few years before she realises what she is doing is wrong. Those will be years when she may not be invited to things because of how she behaves.

I'm another one wondering whether this child helped themselves to a spoonful of mash, a banana, posh chocolates or artisanal French cheese.

If she was 20, your anger might be understandable - but at ten, I'd cut her some slack and gently tell her that's not how you do things in your house.

Dying to know what she took.

"Those will be years when she may not be invited to things because of how she behaves."

People who don't invite a child over because they open their mouth while chewing aren't worth knowing. It actually sounds like a good snob filter to me.

It never used to bother me one iota that. Children just making them selves at home and getting something to eat and drink. I was just glad that they were comfortable enough to do that. I'd hate to be seen as an ogre.

I do think you can say.
" Please don't just take food and ask me if you're hungry". Or something like this...

I don't think you should correct the way she eats. It's not your job (or your right to do so).

I am not talking about at 10. I am talking about as she gets older. I know from experience that children do not magically learn things if no one tells them. I am talking about her being excluded as a teenager. And it will be by other teenagers.
That is not about being snobby. It is simply recognising that if children are not taught what is socially acceptable, they usually find out as teenagers, and often not in nice ways. And yes, I have personal experience here as a child. It does not help children to ignore basic social norms that their parents have not bothered to teach them.

For some people eating with your mouth open IS their social norm. For others being served by a uniformed staff member at a white clothed table set with 4 lots of cutlery and finger bowls might be the norm.

When my DCs friends used to stay I was happy for them to help themselves to crisps/juice/apples/babybels and used to tell them so wh en they arrived. That was what they were for. I know my DSis would not be the same.

You cannot assume that your family customs are universal. We all have our little quirks and bugbears.

You sound pretty uptight OP, if this had happened in our house I'd have just laughed about it. I certainly wouldn't be correcting table manners, that in itself would be very rude!
Has the child committed another misdemeanor done something else that has annoyed you to get you so wound up over a relatively small thing?

I am well aware that different families have social norms. But some of you are being very obtuse here.

I can remember being when DDs then BFF (aged about 11-12) plunged her bare hand into a serving dish of potato salad I had put out and proceeded to eat it like that. I didn't say anything, just put in a serving spoon and she soon copied the way everyone else was eating. The same girl is now a qualified nurse and a useful and productive member of society.

I don't even let my own dc just help themselves to snacks. Obviously they're free to drink as much milk, water, eat fruit and yogurts as they want but sweets, crisps and juice are treats. I wouldn't take kindly to them visiting other friends whose parents basically say eat as much crap as you like either .

My DD had a friend like this. I realised the poor kid did it as she was half starved at home.

Very controlling MC professional parents.

As soon as the children became teens they became overweight. They were underweight as children.

I like my kids s friends to feel at home and if they're hungry I'm happy for them to grab a piece of fruit or crisps what ever -

I don't guard the fridge - nor am I a slave to these childrens request to fetch food or drinks - they have arms and legs

DD xbff mother had many rules at the table - you don't stand up to reach the juice - you use a knife and fork regardless of the meal - all plates to be cleared even if you don't like string beans (her DD had eating issues)
DD was very uncomfortable in the house and begged not to go every again! Mother couldn't understand why she felt this way and she was clearly just teaching my DD manners (whereas I'm just teaching undepemdance)

This DD has very few people to her home as none of the kids like being dictated too - funny that