To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

Blimey, I leap to help people with buggies on stairs and I'm female. I generally say 'Can I help' at the same time as reaching to help and would be mortified if someone got arsey with me. I also hold doors open and stand up for obviously pregnant women and the elderly who look like they might struggle.
I guess I should just ignore my fellow human beings in the future

"I guess I should just ignore my fellow human beings in the future"

Can I ask how you got to that conclusion?

I simply can't understand being offended. I was flippin' delighted when at Gatwick train station one time the lifts were out of order and I was faced with a giant flight of stairs when I had dd in a pushchair and a suitcase. I just wailed, "I've been Daleked!" and a man said, "Oh no you haven't," and swept up the buggy and carried it down for me. Did I feel patronised? Hell no. I felt very grateful and relieved.

I offer to help with buggies if I see someone struggling, and open doors too. I myself am quite small and short, so I occasionally have to ask tall people (which includes men) for help in the supermarket reaching things.

People should just be nice to each other. I think OP and others are confusing respect with common decency.

I open doors for people walking behind me although I have rarely felt the need to help anyone, other than a child, into a chair. Of course these polite practices are not what the OP was referring too. She was talking about the modern day code of chivalry whereby men have expected behaviour only towards women and while I do think it is done with only positive intentions it is sexist.

I absolutely love the car park one. Hilarious generalisation there.

It was slightly tongue in cheek Betrand, No one has ever been rude to me for helping but if they were I would probably be so embarrassed that I had inadvertently offended them that I would not repeat the experience.

I have never been helped into a parking space or had anyone other than a waiter help me into a chair. Ditto opening car doors but then I don't sit there like a lemon waiting.

I have taught all my children to be helpful if they see someone who appears to be struggling without waiting to be asked as I used to be too shy to ask for help.

I agree with Ego.

It's the difference between general helpfulness towards others, and an inherently gendered arcane code of chivalry which reinforces artificially constructed 'characteristics' e.g. female helplessness.

an inherently gendered arcane code of chivalry which reinforces artificially constructed 'characteristics' e.g. female helplessness.

I noted with interest, in an article about the rescue of migrants in the Mediterranean, that 'women and children first' is still seen by some as the standard for an evacuation.

Really? I thought that was something of a myth.

Although if the navy wants to prioritise vulnerable children and pull their carers out with them, that seems ok to me.

Really? I thought that was something of a myth.

I think it is a bit of a myth (it certainly was never anything approaching a law or formal code), but it was on the BBC News the other night, where Italian and French coastguard captains were interviewed about the rescue of migrant vessels, and both spoke about 'women and children first'.

I like it my hubby doesn't do it as much as I would like but in my view it's not sexist I like to do little polite things for him to it's the sweet little things people do for each other even if it's holding a door open for a man with bags it's lovely to spread polite kindness to everyone

it's lovely to spread polite kindness to everyone

Hear, hear. Far too little of it about these days.

Although I'm often caught out with holding the door open - how far away from the door does the other person have to be before it just becomes awkward for all concerned?

What Salene said.

YABU
It's courteous and thoughtful and I love it. I also believe in equal rights and am CEO of my own company so a capable person.
I do some work with military officers and their manners are impeccable!

even if it's holding a door open for a man with bags it's lovely to spread polite kindness to everyone

I hold doors open for everyone. Wouldn't occur to me what sex/age they were.

If someone drops a door on me I stick my foot out so there is a bang and feign light injury. What kind of ignorance is it not to check behind you when walking through a door?

YABU
I love it, DH has always opened cars doors and pulled chairs out. Not sexist just well mannered

daisy they were only trying to help. Men tend to be better at parking that women

Ahahahaha... Seriously? Do they use their penis to magically guide the car? How good you are at parking is dependent on practice. I used to live in Edinburgh city centre and could squeeze my little car into mind bogglingly small gaps - I once tucked it into a particularly small space and two men actually applauded me. It's just practice. I don't need to do that these days do I've probably lost my edge!

My Dh always carries bags for me and makes sure I'm seated in s restaurant before he sits. He always opens the car door for me to get in, doesn't do it getting out because I don't wait. He also walks on the outside of pavements, and a million other little things. He would never think I was anything other than his equal and he knows I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself.
But he likes to look after me and is incredibly well mannered.
I love it.
YABU

These men who pull chairs out for women, do they do it for other men also?

If not, why not? If it is simply a question of manners and courtesy.

As Egosum says.

There is a massive difference between offering assistance to someone who will benefit from it (as in the examples in this thread) and doing something because they are a woman.

Would the man holding a door, pulling chairs out, giving up his seat on the bus etc, routinely do the same for another man? Is he doing it because the woman looks like she actually does need extra help? E.g. arms full so she'd have trouble opening a door, heavily pregnant so looks like she needs the seat more, etc? If so, fine.

Or is he doing it simply because the other person is a woman, no other reason? In that case, it's benevolent sexism and patronising.

The pulling out the chair thing, do men do it for all women in the group? At dinner, say?

Or just the woman that they are in a sexual relationship with?

What is deemed courteous?

What if a woman in the group is there who doesn't have a man with her? Not that this would ever happen of course. Whose responsibility is it for these manners then?

So many questions. Such a minefield.