To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

[TheWitchesofIzalith]

I just find it offensive and sexist

I don't mind being called miss though

Oh, that's very good of you.
Perhaps you ought to make a huge list of all the things that do and don't offend you when it comes to interacting with other people, and hand a copy to everyone as soon as you meet them. Then they need never incur your wrath.
Jeez....
I had a boyfriend once who always used to hold the car door open for me to get in. I thought it was lovely. He wasn't sexist in any way, he didn't think I was in any way inferior to him. YABVU.

[AnnPerkins]

And after your DH has helped you out of the car and into your seat in the restaurant does he order your meal for you? Some people consider that a gentlemanly thing to do, but most people these days would think that was only an appropriate thing to do for a small child.

How about he cuts your meat up? And wipes your face afterwards? Where does being chivalrous end and treating you like you are helpless begin?

Maybe you think what I'm saying is ridiculous. That's because it all is, if you really stop and think about it.

[TheWitchesofIzalith]

I used to live in Edinburgh city centre and could squeeze my little car into mind bogglingly small gaps - I once tucked it into a particularly small space and two men actually applauded me

And you didn't tear them off a strip for being sexist pigs?! I mean, would they have applauded a MAN doing the same manouevre? We shall never know, but I BET they were the sort of men who keep their wives barefoot and pregnant at home...these nice polite types always do...

[Kidnapped]

Exactly, Ann. Love that show by the way.

What happens if a group of women go out to dinner WITH NO MEN?

Where are the manners? Where is the courtesy? How do women know what to do?

I'm imagining a group of 10 women standing at the table waiting for the chairs to be pushed in under them and then them all sitting down at once, missing the chairs and landing on their arses.

Mind you, it would serve them right for going out without men.

[dementedma]

I think some people are confusing manners with sexism. If dh is ahead of me, he will hold a door open.If I am ahead, I will hold it open for him. That is manners. Also,if we have two bags to carry, one heavy and one light, I expect him to take the heavier one as he is physically stronger -fact. The same way I would give the dcs a lighter bag and I take the heavier one as I am stronger than them. Fact.
The face that egos dad holds outdated and sexist views on the role of women in society, doesn't prevent him showing good manners. The two are not mutually exclusive

[Whistlejackets]

YABU, I love a well mannered man.

[charliethebear]

This annoys me too. It is sexism, its the thought process behind it. That women require extra help from men, its the sort of thing you do to a small child and I find it patronising. None of the people doing it would do it for a man. Holding a door open for someone is manners, but this is what this was about.
I have a male friend who always offers to care my shopping, while the principle seems nice its actually just really annoying. He would never do it for a mam and its the assumption that I find it difficult to carry a bag of groceries. If I was obviously struggling fair enough but I'm not, theres no reason why he should carry my shopping over me.

[charliethebear]

This isn't about holding doors open that should say.

[Toxicity]

YABU. Can I ask who the person was in relation to you that opened the car door for you?

I think everyone, male or female should hold open doors for one another, that is just good manners as many of you have said. I must say though that I can't recall anyone opening my car door for me but I wouldn't be too fussed if someone did it for me!

charliethebear your male friend that offered to carry your shopping is probably working off the premise that generally men are stronger than women (that is just biology), I know there are exceptions to the rule but generally speaking. I think its a nice gesture and you can say "thanks but no thanks".

[Hushabyelullaby]

I've only ever had a waiter pull out a chair for me in a restaurant I think.

As for the car door thing, I find some older gentlemen do this but have never encountered it in anyone beneath the age of about 70. Not being ageist, it's simply ime. In fact i've obviously known the older gentlemen very well as i'd not have a clue about their age otherwise. It seems to be the way things were done in my grandparents generation (in their 80's now).

I wouldn't even think about anyone (man, woman,child), holding a door open generally as imo it's just manners.

[charliethebear]

Toxicity
He never offers for another man though, even if they are obviously smaller, if he offered for everyone it would be a nice gesture but he doesn't. And as I said if I was struggling fair enough but I'm not, they're not heavy bags, I can carry them perfectly fine. Its the assumption I'm too weak to even carry a bag of shopping, I know hes stronger but I'm not completely feeble.

[BertrandRussell]

If you were a man, how do you think you would feel if a bigger, stronger man than you offered to carry your shopping?

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Ive had men physically put their hands on me to move me in the street rather than scoot round.

I have this immediate, almost overpowering urge to bite them when this happens.

But I don't.

[Toxicity]

I guess they wouldn't ask another man, that is correct. I still wouldn't have a problem with a man asking me though, like you I am not completely feeble and have been known to carry a heavy load but if a male friend asked to help I'd accept. Having said that I have been out shopping in the past with my sister/female friends and they too have taken some of the bags so we are sharing the load - where is the harm?

VeryBitchy that is just plain rude, he'd probably do that to a bloke too!

[Welshmaenad]

My boyfriend does this for me all the time, opens doors, pulls out chairs.It totally foxed me at first. He stands up if I get up from a restaurant table for the loo or whatever as well.

He's not being condescending or sexist, it was just how he was raised, he's in his 20s.

He also does helpful things for other men. Like darting off as we walk past some shops because he's seen a man in a motorised wheelchair approaching a shop so he went to open the door for him. Another time we were parked next to an elderly man struggling to get in his car but clearly terrified of chipping my paintwork, so he held the guy's door open with his fingers between it and my car to reassure him it wouldn't dent my door, and offered him a steadying arm as he sat down.

It's actually one of my favourite things about him

[KittyKrap]

I'll keep a door open for anyone, male or female. I've given up my seat on buses to either and I'm a proper little all round Saint

I did get a bollocking once when I offered to help a short person get something off the top shelf. Felt a right knob. It wasn't a porn magazine or anything.

My XH was an open the car door, pull a chair out type but he was a right controlling twat in the home. He'd offer me a cigarette and light it first (I know, smoking is bad..) so he'd end up with the perfect first drag and I'd get a soggy fag. Still makes me dry retch today.

[whattheseithakasmean]

I have horses & frequently trailer them to venues to compete. I have been clagging up my trailer when a man has appeared asking me if I want help (OK, charitable interpretation, he was being kind, but seeing it was clearly my 4x4 and trailer, why assume I need help?).

I politely say no thank you and then he stands and watches me reverse my car to my trailer and clag up. He then says 'well done, I can see you have done that before'. WTF? It is my car and trailer, of course I've fucking done it before you patronising cunt, I didn't say, sadly. But really, why assume I am incapable of using my own equipment? I would bet my first born he would not say that to man clagging up a trailer.

[clarrrp]

I just find it offensive and sexist

I don't mid being called miss though

Well you can't have it both ways.

[angelos02]

I assume OP that you wouldn't expect to get off a sinking ship before men then? No 'women and children first' and all that?

[Mouseinahole]

Ego, if the man was elderly or disabled yes I would expect someone to offer them a seat.
If I fell over my husband or son could lift me up. I could not lift them. Equal but different you see.
At 72 I appreciate small courtesies from others and would offer them when appropriate. If I were standing on a bus and a young man was sitting I would feel quite judgemental if he did not offer me a seat.