To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

[araiba]

where i live the parking attendants assist everyone reversing in to parking spaces

both misogyny and misandry - worst people ever

[queenoftheboys]

Neither of these things has ever happened to me (aside from waiters, as mentioned earlier).

But then I get straight out of a car when it stops, rather than sitting there long enough for someone to get out their side then walk around and open my door. And likewise I don't stand beside a chair looking like I'm waiting for someone to pull it out for me - I just sit down.

The parking thing has happened to me though, and does irritate me - for the record I'm at least as good at parking as any man I know, and better than some.

[RupertPupkin]

"Men tend to be better at parking that women."



I live in what is considered a macho society and haven't had the car thing, though I am ushered through doors first quite often.

The thing that happens here is that male drivers will often stop in traffic to let poor defenceless ladies cross. It is the most dangerous thing ever. Last week toddler DD and I were waiting to cross a busy dual carriage way and a taxi swerved to block both lanes so I could cross. It was insane.

[lazyarse123]

This ridiculous attitude is why we are seeing less and less polite and considerate people. I like having doors opened for me (by men and women) but I hate being barged into by arseholes on phones (of both sexes) It is just manners, there's no ulterior motive.

[BertrandRussell]

" I have taught my son to respect women and actually put them first. Mother nature and all that. grin"

Why should men put women first? And what does "respect" mean in this context?

[Kallyno]

Holding the door open for the next person is polite, as are lots of the examples on this thread. But otoh, the idea that there is a code of politeness that applies only to men in how they should treat women is benevolent sexism. It assumes women are more fragile and need cherishing in a way men don't on the basis of being a woman only. It's not hard to see why that is damaging for women.

But having said that I never get narked with men who do this, tho if they are younger and over doing it I might do a polite but firm "it's ok, I got this". Then they usually then think I am a bitch (having broken the rules about how I should behave) but hey ho.

I reckon we should teach kids to be polite and decent human being to all other people as a matter of course.

[leelu66]

YABU. I simply don't believe there are all these men rushing to your side of the car to open the door for you or seat you at a table.

And I bet you would be the first to complain if a man didn't hold a door open for you.

[nooka]

Why would you assume that someone who found it irritating to have car doors opened and chairs pulled out for them woudl be angry at having to open a door for themselves? Seems pretty unlikely to me.

The only time that door opening really annoys me is when someone lets the door swing into my face. I'm not any more bothered if the door swinger is male or female.

I do get a bit irritated when I'm walking somewhere with a man who can't cope with the 'person who gets there first opens the door for the other person' etiquette and either tries to beat me to each door or does a stupid little embarrassed dance before they go through the door I am holding open for them. Or men who insist I walk in front of them even when they are the person who knows where to go. Men who behave like this believe that they are being chivalrous, but I find it slightly demeaning that they find it so hard to accept a courtesy from a woman.

[daisychain01]

daisy they were only trying to help. Men tend to be better at parking that women

I'll remember to be much more grateful in future.

[Oldsu]

MrsJoeyMaynard it also went back to the time when men had their swords on their left side and needed to be able to draw them quickly which meant that that side had to be free as it were - again not an issue nowadays

[Swissgemma]

When I was a school I had deportment lessons and was drilled in how to wait for the gentleman to open the door, how to proffer a hand and to get out without flashing my Knicks.... The only time I have used those skills since is getting a cab to a posh London hotel (the doormen are trained to offer a hand at the correct height).

[Querty12345]

I just find it offensive and sexist

I don't mid being called miss though

Ffs 🙄

[Buckinbronco]

See I consider myself a bit of an angry feminist but I am not concerned by this. In fact, the one person I know who does it is a male friend who has unashamedly beautiful manners. I hope my children grow up to be as well mannered and thoughtful and will probably accept a bit of old fashioned silliness for the gains

[BertrandRussell]

People should be nice and helpful to other people. HTH.

[NicknameUsed]

Wow. You are easily offended.

Why do you sit in the car and wait for someone to rush round to open the door? As soon as I arrive somewhere in the car I get out immediately.

I hesitate to use the word, but rampant feminists who get offended by men trying to be chivalrous and polite are the one of the reasons why there are so many men who daren't show what they consider as good manners.

I have to say that I have never met any man who rushes round and opens car doors for me or pulls chairs out unless it is a taxi driver/waiter. If this happens quite frequently for you perhaps you are giving out the wrong signals.

[Gide]

FFS, get over yourself, has it happened once in your lifetime? The car door opening must be someone you know and you can just tell them know. Jesus. How ridiculous.

[enterYourPassword]

daisy

I don't think they expect you to be grateful. Just follow Wheaton's Law.

Men and women tend to have different proportions in their brains and different percentages of gray and white matter. Ours tend to be larger overall. We tend to be better at verbal reasoning and understanding and manipulating language. Men, bless their hearts, have better spatial awareness and their eyes (more rods than cones) help them park better than the average woman.

They also tend to be stronger. Using a PP's comment about helping with a buggy up stairs, if DH and I were walking together and saw a single person (any sex) with a buggy, I'd expect him to help before me. I'd help if I were b y myself.

In general I believe in equality of opportunity as opposed to equality of outcome; but, if we all do what we're good at life is better. It's why we all have different jobs instead of being a nation of subsistence farmers.

[BertrandRussell]

"hesitate to use the word, but rampant feminists who get offended by men trying to be chivalrous and polite are the one of the reasons why there are so many men who daren't show what they consider as good manners"

Which word are you holding back on?

[Ragwort]

Surely it's just good manners - I would hold the door open for anyone, I also frequently help mothers (or fathers for that matter) who are struggling with a pushchair - although I frequently note that very few men seem to offer to help.

As others have said, it is actually incredibly rare for anyone to pull out a chair in a restaurant these days; unless I suppose you are dining in very high class establishments.

[Mouseinahole]

It is courteous and kind. Most men over a certain age would do this and I would expect all my sons and grandsons to at least offer a woman a seat on a crowded bus and to hold a door open or offer to carry a heavy bag.
Equality doesn't mean being the same, it means of equal worth in society.

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

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