Social climbing - first generation?

[user1465284888]

Hello,

Please note that I am very embarrassed writing this thread, but I need to know whether I am being unreasonable.

I am a second genereation "immigrant", born and raised in London to a mother who is a cleaner and a father who is a cab driver. Through their hard work and sweat, plus my own - I have finished completed my education to a masters degree at a world-renowned institution (Top 5, in the world).

Of course, being a "working class" girl I noticed very quickly that people throughout my education lived very different lives to me. I somewhat admired how they would complain about M&S not having their milk, Harrods running out of their Skiing gear and I wanted that for myself and children. So, I have worked hard and I am about to start work in the city on a very decent salary (just under £50k including bonus).

But, I am worried. I am that I will forever be working class and my children too. A Russian gf of mine told me to mingle well in the city, marry well and send the children to boarding school. However, I am told that the rich can smell a social climber, not even the "middle-class handbook" can save you and that they are not very receptive to "foreigners".

So, my question is - as a first generation, non-white, young lady who genuinely wants the best for herself and children how can I move up a social class and "polish myself"?
I have seen other people from afar do it and after months of lurking, I know there are a few posh mothers who can give me some pointers.

Please help and go easy on me. I am by no means a "gold digger" or "opportunist" as I have worked hard to have my own. I just know what poverty looks like and I do not want that for myself and children. Plus now I am in my early 20's I think I can move up the ladder, surely?

No offence, but to me this just implies working class people don't have a social etiquette/ or at least one that is worth learning/ working class people can learn a lot from the middle class/ they should be grateful

SLOW HAND CLAP!!!

anyway OP is working in a certain field of services I guess, banking/law etc.

Yes there will be people coming from an upper middle class background, and there will be people from normal less "upper" families, who are intelligent and have worked hard. They are normal people FFS- this thread must alarm OP, sheesh

Agreeing with most of pps unfortunately class is either a 'you've either got it or you haven't' sort of thing.

That's not entirely true, though. Class mobility does happen to an extent, often over generations. DH and I are immigrants who grew up in very deprived circumstances in our home country and got out via education. Our son, born to highly-qualified professionals with a lot of cultural capital, is of a completely different social class to all four of his grandparents, who all left school at twelve or thirteen and worked in unskilled manual jobs for their entire working lives, married young and had large families. DH and I are the 'transitional' generation, as the OP is likely to be.

OP, google 'social capital', which you might find a useful concept.

Fair enough 10. My husband is wc and I don't have to act any differently around his family than I would anyone else... Act how you like in front of who you like. Oh well!

stop wtf is your deal? Wasn't aimed at you anyway.

Possibly hedge, I don't buy into the whole class bull crap anyway, but I see what you're saying. It's just op sounds like she's trying to force herself to be something she's not. As you pointed out its more of a generational thing.

DH and I are the transitional generation, I think.

Our parents all left school at 15. All manual jobs etc.

We were both brought up in solid WC communities. We still consider ourselves WC even though we are highly educated and are now successful professionals.

Our DC though would be hard pressed to consider themselves WC.

AyeAmarok Thank you so so so so much for defending me in this thread! You are my hero!

stopfuckingshoutingatme and goodbyestranger Thank you too! Your comments really touched my heart!

Thank you again to everyone who posted here. I think it is pointless now defending myself. 200+ comments? WOW. Thank you, I have learned a lot from you all.

Be true to yourself and don't put on an act because one day the mask will fall. Class cannot be bought.

I think you should stop thinking about it. You got your education, now just see yourself as being at the same level as everyone else.

I'm foreign, but come from what the British would think of as a 'well-off background', i.e. nice home in best area of town, long summer holidays, etc. I'm surrounded by British boarding school types where I work. They think I lived a more pampered life than them, and consider me 'posh'. Some of them have gone to Eton, by the way...

User - you haven't thanked me for my tip about the loo brush!

Bettercallsaul1 LOL, thank you so much..!

SnowBells Oh wow!!!!! Look at that. I am glad life is going well for you.

You need to stop caring, I am white but I am the first generation in my family to hold down a job ( never mind a professional job), first to go to university, first to own a home first to not go to prison .

You are right that people spot somebody trying to be someone they are not very quickly. We will always be working class and I am fine with that.

The one concession I have made is with my children because I don't want them to feel as isolated at university as I did. So we travel a lot, they do extra curricular activities, we eat out in good restaurants etc

user

What I'm just saying is stop thinking of yourself as 'less'. You are great. Think about it this way: unlike many people, you actually earned it! Were you in the US, you'd be living the American dream and not think about this so much.