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Original poster

Social climbing - first generation?

212 replies

user1465284888 · 07/06/2016 09:06

Hello,

Please note that I am very embarrassed writing this thread, but I need to know whether I am being unreasonable.

I am a second genereation "immigrant", born and raised in London to a mother who is a cleaner and a father who is a cab driver. Through their hard work and sweat, plus my own - I have finished completed my education to a masters degree at a world-renowned institution (Top 5, in the world).

Of course, being a "working class" girl I noticed very quickly that people throughout my education lived very different lives to me. I somewhat admired how they would complain about M&S not having their milk, Harrods running out of their Skiing gear and I wanted that for myself and children. So, I have worked hard and I am about to start work in the city on a very decent salary (just under £50k including bonus).

But, I am worried. I am that I will forever be working class and my children too. A Russian gf of mine told me to mingle well in the city, marry well and send the children to boarding school. However, I am told that the rich can smell a social climber, not even the "middle-class handbook" can save you and that they are not very receptive to "foreigners".

So, my question is - as a first generation, non-white, young lady who genuinely wants the best for herself and children how can I move up a social class and "polish myself"?
I have seen other people from afar do it and after months of lurking, I know there are a few posh mothers who can give me some pointers.

Please help and go easy on me. I am by no means a "gold digger" or "opportunist" as I have worked hard to have my own. I just know what poverty looks like and I do not want that for myself and children. Plus now I am in my early 20's I think I can move up the ladder, surely?

OP posts:
GetAHaircutCarl · 07/06/2016 15:41

OP I'm assuming you're job is in the city?

Look around you. Watch the successful people.

They absolutely will not be a homogenous bunch! They will not all say this or wear their hair like that.

They will be from all over the world.

What they will have in common is being good at their job ( which usually means bringing in dosh), knowing how to play the corporate game ( or at least not pissing off the powers that be), having an MO that works.

DH is working class. A scouser. He is also one of the most successful partners in his firm.

No 'posh' accent. No middle class mannerisms.

MachiKoro · 07/06/2016 15:44

Eleanor Roosevelt said " no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
So, you come from humble origins? So what? You're as good as anyone else.
She also said "it is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself" which is v useful to remember in the world of work. You don't need to do everything yourself, but people under you have to be convinced that you would do it, if it were required. Nothing is 'beneath you' if you see what I mean.

Querty12345 · 07/06/2016 15:46

And newsflash 50 k ain't amazing it's average.

So is your grammar

dogdrifts · 07/06/2016 15:58

Oi, Mrsmigginsminge, passing the port correctly is totes based on which Service you happen to be dining with that evening. No one true way to pass the port. Tsk.

As for the op, yeah whatever. My mum was a cleaner, my dad was a travelling salesman. I was the first in the family to get to uni, grad with a first, commissioned, blah blah blah. All human beings ever do is decide whether they want to try to fit in to their surroundings or stand out, and act accordingly. You sound like a bit of a fitter-inner. That will wear off once you pop out a few sprogs and realize that you are an individual and that no one gives a shiny shite. Possibly.

GetAHaircutCarl · 07/06/2016 15:58

50k is a very good salary for a 24 year old.

Stupid to say it's not.

ItWasNeverASkirt · 07/06/2016 16:16

Send your children to the best school as you can afford (not just academically but also socially/emotionally), make the most of the social opportunities as well as the academic ones, and do lots of extracurricular activities with them.

Beeziekn33ze · 07/06/2016 16:41

OP - I get that you knew people at university who proclaimed that shops didn't have the high status food, clothes, magazines essential to their comfort.
TheCladdagh mentions friends from college. I hope that, besides working hard to get your qualifications and to set foot upon the employment ladder, you made some friends along the way. Whether from a public school, a grammar or a comp, these may turn out to be among the strongest and longest lasting relationships you ever make. Talk to them, share your concerns about stepping into the business world. Your Russian girlfriend has, for all I know, a couple of PhDs but I don't think her way is the path to happiness. Maybe she was so deprived as a child that it has skewed her worldview.
The city can be a scary lonely place but it certainly doesn't have to be. The worst abuse I've heard has been for those who aren't up to the job, not for lack of culture or of niceties of appearance, but because he or she can't be trusted to achieve.
Good luck!

00100001 · 07/06/2016 16:51

but machikoro is your name from a board game?

jonsnowssocks · 07/06/2016 16:51

Anyone who gets their ski stuff from Harrods is a bit suspect, in my humble opinion. There are a couple of great ski shops in London where you can get technically advanced clothes without the flashy labels and sparkly bits (cringe). I imagine the person who said that to you is doing a little social climbing themselves, OP!

MariaSklodowska · 07/06/2016 16:55

yes isn't Harrods mainly for tourists?
Not only to shop at Harrods, but then to boast about it - definitely suspect. OP your hard working parents are worth a dozen such people.

MachiKoro · 07/06/2016 17:05

binary yes, do you like the game at all? I love it Smile

BoboChic · 07/06/2016 17:44

Harrods is not a destination you should be aiming for ;)

PortiaCastis · 07/06/2016 17:46

I knew someone who took her sandwiches to work in a Harrods carrier and we live in Cornwall.

EllenDegenerate · 07/06/2016 18:05

OP it's very strange that you should seek to emulate and marry somebody of a different background.

I mean, fair enough if a relationship develops organically between yourself and somebody with an aristocratic background, but too actively seek to engineer such a relationship is just plain strange.

Why wouldn't you consider a relationship with another WC person who had acheived academically/within the job market.

It can't have escaped your attention that they do in fact exist. Or are you labouring under the assumption that you're a rarity?

Because for the avoidance of doubt, you're not.

dolkapots · 07/06/2016 18:13

OP I get where you are coming from and well done for your hard work and achievements.

Do MC people really dress head to toe in Boden? When I see children dressed like that (often with matching sibling outfits) it just screams social climbers to me. Disclaimer: I don't know anyone who is truly MC.

Original poster
user1465284888 · 07/06/2016 18:37

EllenDegenerate Please, please and please! I said a friend suggested it to me and I did not in any way suggest I would take her advice. I believe I wrote this:

"I am by no means a "gold digger" or "opportunist" as I have worked hard to have my own." -- I don't need to marry rich, I am fully prepared to work hard for my own. Things tend to slip out of your hands when you did not work hard for it.

OP posts:
EllenDegenerate · 07/06/2016 18:45

I'm sorry OP but if you fully intend to work hard for your own/don't need to marry rich then what is the point of the thread.

Did you ask for the advice of well heeled mumsnetters or did I imagine that?

Besides which being born WC doesn't preclude financial solvency in adulthood.

I am bemused at your naïveté if I'm honest.

NewLife4Me · 07/06/2016 19:02

I don't think 50k is a massive salary, even at 24.
At 21 I was earning nearly this in the 1980's Grin
Skint now though, with far less stress and pressure as back then.

00100001 · 07/06/2016 19:03

It is a massive salary

Floggingmolly · 07/06/2016 19:05

There's also the small matter of that figure "including bonus"... How much is your basic salary net of bonus, op? I'm assuming the bonus isn't guaranteed or it would be called salary, not bonus?

Querty12345 · 07/06/2016 19:06

Oh ffs anybody would say 50k is a solid large salary. Particularly when starting out. Anyone that disagrees has been at the crack pipe too long

PortiaCastis · 07/06/2016 19:10

Agree querty

00100001 · 07/06/2016 19:12

The only people who think 50k isn't a large salary are those that have never ever struggled to pay an essential bill.

MauledbytheTigers · 07/06/2016 19:23

Ffs indeed....people who think 50k isn't a massive salary for a 24 year old need to take a long hard look at themselves. It's significantly higher than the average wage (before you even take into account that that means this includes people significantly older than 24) and some families, let alone single people like OP would love to earn that.

We get it, we know 50k in London doesn't go as far as we might think, nor does it make you rich, but to call 50k average for a 24 yr old is ignorant and offensive.

OP it sounds like you are doing really well, keep at it, and don't be ashamed of your roots.

jonsnowssocks · 07/06/2016 19:25

I wonder if NewLife shops at Harrods...