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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You AIBU Lot!!

162 replies

Moxxygirl · 03/06/2016 16:46

I must admit as an older mom with grown up kids, I love reading the AIBU posts!!
Thank God my kids were raised 30+ years ago, when us moms were not so navel watching, agonising, worrying about their food, school progress, friendships.
WE were the adults - WE made the rules ( without a huge amount of negotiation !) and our kids ran free, didn't worry about pouting on FB, and had a brilliant childhood.
We used to go to the neighbours for a drink and wire the baby alarm through the window so we could here if one of them cried.
We went to holiday camps and left them in the chalets with a babysitting service that flew past on a bike listening for crying babies and flawed it up in the car if one was crying in your chalet.
Nowadays I'm sure SS would have taken them all off us.
And yes they grew up to all hold very responsible jobs in Police and Education.
I actually feel a bit sorry for you moms nowadays.
Your thoughts??

OP posts:
Original poster
Moxxygirl · 03/06/2016 16:47

" flawed it up in the car" should read " flashed it up in the Club"

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/06/2016 16:50

You can only parent appropriately for the era you actually have your children in.

Some things are better now, some are not.

I wasn't even alive 30+ years ago so can't really compare parenting then to now.

IrisPrima · 03/06/2016 16:51

I don't think I raise my kids any differently to you to be honest.

Lorelaiandrory · 03/06/2016 16:51

Don't feel sorry for me, I enjoy my children being part of my life rather than hidden away.

I like knowing where they are and what I can do to make them happy.

I am glad they do not sit in the car with a bottle of pop and crisps whilst I drink in the pub.

thecatfromjapan · 03/06/2016 16:51

My thoughts?

Bewildered.

thecatfromjapan · 03/06/2016 16:53

My second thought is that you have an exhilarating/exhilarated posting style.

Buzzardbird · 03/06/2016 16:53

...and child abuse was rife! I prefer now. I would never want my children to have the life I had back then.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 03/06/2016 16:54

I think the pressures these days are immense. Everything is micromanaged and judged by everyone, peers, the media etc leading a lot of mums to feel like they are failing if they don't do x y or z. We have access to a lot more information at our fingertips but social media and forums like this also breed extremism and group mentality about the 'best' way to do everything. I always remember a pregnant member of this site asking if she had all the right thermometers (room, bath, fever...) she had three and was wondering if she was missing any and how she could keep the bedroom at the recommended temp if the room thermometer told her it was too hot/cold. I remember thinking holy shit, if she's not a candidate for pnd putting all that pressure on herself. I'd just use my fingertips to judge temp of rooms, baths and even child when unwell (if seems burning up I do use a thermometer to check level).

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 03/06/2016 16:56

Having been raised by a parent not to different from your description I can tell you it wasn't all fun and games from my side.

My thoughts are I would rather supervise my own kids properly than leave them to their own devices and treat them as an inconvenience.

LadyV90 · 03/06/2016 16:56

Yeah I feel sorry for kids now a days, we got kicked out to play with the only instruction of come home when the street lights go on.

Original poster
Moxxygirl · 03/06/2016 16:57

Lorelaiandrory:
Our children were very much part of our lives I can assure you.
I chose to be financially " poor" for 9 years so that I could be a SAHM and share all the great times with them as they were growing up.
I know things are much harder financially today for younger parents, but feel that they miss out on a huge amount of their children's lives as they are not prepared to sacrifice possessions for time,

OP posts:
nuttymango · 03/06/2016 16:57

There is a reason why SS would have taken them off you!

My children play out often, do well at school, eat healthy food. Today they have done a bit of school work, been out in the woods building a den, had a tickle fight with me and generally had fun. I haven't had to worry about them and when they have been asked to help they have helped. No rules have had to be enforced as they are happy with the balance of fun and responsibility.

I prefer it that way to the way that you describe which seems like leaving to sleep alone and eating whatever without you worrying about it or taking an interest in their education seems wrong.

Pimmmms · 03/06/2016 16:58

Sounds a lot like my upbringing. There's a reason why i'm doing it differently!

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2016 16:58

My thoughts are that you've managed to come across as quite rude and patronising.

Do you often seek out groups of people to criticise and tell them you feel sorry for them, or do you just reserve this behaviour for 'moms'?

Thornrose · 03/06/2016 16:58

Two words to counter your enthusiasm for the good old days... operation yewtree.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 03/06/2016 17:00

I know things are much harder financially today for younger parents, but feel that they miss out on a huge amount of their children's lives as they are not prepared to sacrifice possessions for time

As a 23 year old mother of two my thoughts are very much fuck off.

IrisPrima · 03/06/2016 17:00

You see, I was with you until

that they miss out on a huge amount of their children's lives as they are not prepared to sacrifice possessions for time,

which is patronising bullshit. I don't see a roof over our heads or food on the table as "possessions"

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/06/2016 17:01

My eldest is 21 and I did worry about school progress, what they ate and friendships groups, isn't that what parents from any era did?

I'm 48 and I'm sure my parents did too.

Original poster
Moxxygirl · 03/06/2016 17:01

Pollyputthekettkeon
I couldn't have put it better myself. That's my point about the worrying about minutiae that goes on. Peer pressure has a huge amount to answer for.p, and actually been able to Google every tiny little problem seems to make matters worse.
As I rule I'd say Go with your gut instinct, kids are much stronger and more resilient than they are given credit for.

OP posts:
Teresalosingtheirleaves · 03/06/2016 17:02

Rose tinted glasses gives a good perspective to the good ole days. Many things you mention were shit! Seen and not heard and all that crapola.
Yabu to judge since you are not having to actively parent now your children are adults.

Tiggeryoubastard · 03/06/2016 17:02

Mine are in their early and mid 20's. the first three paragraphs I can relate to a bit, but no leaving them anywhere alone here, ffs. I've never known anybody do that. I remember on a thread a few years ago someone said everyone did it in the 80's and 90's. lots of people commented that was bollocks and nobody actually did that. The holiday camp thing did happen in the 70's but nobody sensible did that.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/06/2016 17:03

WE were the adults - WE made the rules ( without a huge amount of negotiation !) and our kids ran free, didn't worry about pouting on FB, and had a brilliant childhood.

I think negotiation has its place.

thecatfromjapan · 03/06/2016 17:04

I hate the whole "SS would have swooped in and taken our children" nonsense.

No they wouldn't.

It takes a lot for SS to intervene, and more than that for children to be taken into care.

Were you failing to feed your children on a regular basis, to the extent that they were suffering malnutrition? Were you injuring them deliberately and consistently? Were you so unaware of the basic needs of your children that you weren't able to keep them safe? Were you raping/sexually abusing your children and/or enabling them to be raped/sexually abused by others?

No? Well don't be so bloody stupid.

There were children in my school for whom some of that was life at home. There was no SS involvement for them. I hope very much that there might be now - but the service is over-stretched.

Seriously, I am quite sure you think you are being hilaire but, actually, this is the post of an over-indulged muppet who has led some bizarre life, cossetted from contact with actual, real neglect and abuse.

Grow up.

Queenbean · 03/06/2016 17:04

My thoughts are that you've managed to come across as quite rude and patronising.

Do you often seek out groups of people to criticise and tell them you feel sorry for them, or do you just reserve this behaviour for 'moms'?

Exactly this

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/06/2016 17:04

I agree that being able to google things and discovering that how you choose to wean is a Very Big Deal to some women is oddly pressurising.

But the world has changed, therefore how people parent has changed too. It isn't sad, it's just life.