You AIBU Lot!!

[Moxxygirl]

I must admit as an older mom with grown up kids, I love reading the AIBU posts!!
Thank God my kids were raised 30+ years ago, when us moms were not so navel watching, agonising, worrying about their food, school progress, friendships.
WE were the adults - WE made the rules ( without a huge amount of negotiation !) and our kids ran free, didn't worry about pouting on FB, and had a brilliant childhood.
We used to go to the neighbours for a drink and wire the baby alarm through the window so we could here if one of them cried.
We went to holiday camps and left them in the chalets with a babysitting service that flew past on a bike listening for crying babies and flawed it up in the car if one was crying in your chalet.
Nowadays I'm sure SS would have taken them all off us.
And yes they grew up to all hold very responsible jobs in Police and Education.
I actually feel a bit sorry for you moms nowadays.
Your thoughts??

If you didn't mean to sound patronising (and smug) what did you mean by posting?

I was raised in the 70s and 80s. My parents never left us alone while they went to the pub or drinking at neighbours'. And I wish they had worried about my food and school progress. I might not have needed 7 fillings and I might have got a few more O levels. And when I asked to do A levels and try for university they might have allowed it.

My sister raised her children in the 90s. She never left her kids on their own either.

I'm raising my kid now. And, just like my parents and my sister did, I let him play outside.

I genuinely don't understand what the point of your post is.

Er Yes w3 enjoyed being left home alone whilst the dad's fished and the mum's went dancing.
the house.genuinely DID catch fire whe mum went to get dad from work and we'd be fine home alone for 20 mins
my sister relentlessly bullied one of the younger kids that we were left with
I don't THINK any of us 5 particular kids were abused, but close friend were by those charming old men who offered to help out busy parents
we watched someone drown whilst snuck out down by the river
I alway felt.I wasn't very important to my parents, that's not how my dd feels

Well OP, I would have been one of those kids being raised partly in that manner you describe. You might have thought it was brilliant for you but not so much for the kids, maybe.

I'm deliberately doing it differently because of that. So don't for God's sake feel sorry for me.

Glad you were so happy with it though.

Yeah... My parents raised me 30+ years ago and never did any of that - thank God! I think I'm quite happy with the way I'm raising my DDs thanks!

Well that's her told , will OP be back I wonder?

Actually, why did I bother replying?

This is a wind up.

It is a wind-up. But sometimes that can be a bonding experience. Especially in those dull minutes whilst one contemplates the ennervating thought of the tedious journey home, or the ennui-filled kitchen, in which yet another dinner has yet to be made.

Yes I'm still here , reading all the comments and agreeing with some and not with others.
My kids were well loved. My point is I didn't spend my life agonising.
They were well fed, well schooled and happy.
And yes it was pretty common to nip next door when they were asleep and take the baby alarm with you.
My point was that there seems a huge amount of worry involved in today's parenting.
I'm no Mary Poppins at all - perhaps phrased a few things poorly?
I've asked for thread to be deleted TBH !!

Why a deletion request, because you've been challenged on your OP and you don't like the responses?

Is it in 'Totem and Taboo' where Freud suggests that civilisation and culture is founded on the shared guilt of the slaughter of the father? Well, I guess this is a small Mumsnet moment of that. Bloodless. Where we can all come together and share a common feeling.

In the 70s I suppose it would have been watching a particularly exciting episode of 'Coronation Street' and then chatting about it afterwards.

A close friend of mine remembers being taken to parties, where he and the other infants were put down to sleep in the bedroom where the party-goers put their coats, and the adults got pissed/stoned downstairs.

Anyone could have gone in that room.

I like you, Moxxy. Can't stand modern 'parenting'.

StillStaying ..... Nothing to do with not liking responses at all. Maybe just feel that I've not expressed myself well ?

Parents still worried about their kids back in the day

The only difference is they couldn't post their worries on the internet.

Instead, they'd so things like talk about their worries in real life...sometimes nipping next door to do so.

This is bullshit.

It's MN policy to not delete simply because the OP doesn't like the replies.

Typical reasons for deletion :

Trolling
Bunfight
Not in the Spirit
OP felt the accumulation of details they gave had or could out them

As a teacher and person raised by this generation of parents (80s baby): kids have not changed. They run around, they laugh at the word bottom, they draw and dance and build. They love to play and climb and shout and sometimes be naughty. This image of today's kids sitting, overweight, in front of an x box or being over sexualised is just complete bullshit. How can I be so sure? Because I see them every bloody day!

And you know what? I remember kids being over sexualised, over pressured, spoilt, gadget dependant, over protected in the 90s. It is NOT a new thing.

Some are allowed to roam free, some aren't. Some parents leave their kids alone, some don't.

There have always been and always will be worriers, high achievers, snobs, child abusers, laid back people and so on and so on.

Every generation from the beginning of time has at some point moaned about 'kids today' - are you really so arrogant that you think parenting reached its peak, rather conveniently at exactly the time you had kids?

Oh and this:
Nowadays I'm sure SS would have taken them all off us.
And yes they grew up to all hold very responsible jobs in Police and Education.

Is just irritating and unnecessary hyperbole. Obviously ss wouldn't 'take the kids away' (as if they can just walk in and do that! If only it were that easy to protect children) for leaving them next door. And it quite blatantly isn't the case that ALL 70/80s children grew up to hold responsible jobs. What does that even mean?

Oops.

moxxygirl your OP reads a lot like a slightly inflammatory swipe at contemporary mothers. That's never going to go down well on a forum where the majority of posters are contemporary mothers.

If you want to try again, might I suggest you put more 'openings'(or 'invitations') in your OP for debate and communication? For example, you might suggest some pros and cons of various examples of parenting styles, and ask for others' opinions on that. Or ask if the perception of different parenting styles is real.

Moxxygirl, plenty of parents spent time agonising 30 or 50 years ago- otherwise, who was Doctor Spock writing for? Plenty of parents don't spend their time agonising today. And most parents- now and then- manage something in between.

One thing that does happen with the passing of time (and I notice this in myself as the years creep up) is that you develop a tendency to see the end result as the sum total and forget the learning and worrying you had to do to get there.

When my mother thinks of her parenting days, she remembers the calm confident parent she is in retrospect. I have every reason to be grateful to her as a mother- but I can also remember the times when she wasn't quite so confident. I expect my children can remember that about me too. I of course prefer to think of the times when I knew exactly what I was doing at least in retrospect

Not really sure why you'd post something that equates to "I had an easier time of parenting than you all did and there's nothing you can do about it because you don't have a time machine". Seriously, what's the point?

There are different pressures nowadays to what there was then. Drink driving was far more acceptable then, even with kids in the car. Smoking around children was too. Seat belts were seen as optional. Medical science wasn't so advanced. Food was fucking shit. It wasn't unusual to be packed off to a childminder who was actually quite a nasty cunt who just happened to be cheap. Telling an adult about this stuff was 'telling tales'.

Let's not look at 'the good old days' with rose tinted glasses, eh?

I have to admit, I thought it was a Facebook meme, posted by a regular (under a name-change), for a laugh.

Which goes to show I know nothing.

Sorry if I've mis-read.

That's a really interesting, thoughtful post, corygal.

IME/IMO

It is far easier to agonise over your worries about your marriage or kids or friendships to strangers who don't know you and never will than it is to tell those you do know. There's a reason everyone on Facebook lies.

The need and feelings aren't new. It's the existence of the anonymity that is new that makes it seem like "Mums today" are neurotic - they are the same.

My OP was after I read another post where someone felt they couldn't let their child walk 20 houses down the street to a friends, even though they were watching them from their house.
I thought was sad , the reaction she got.
This got me thinking about some of the ridiculous AIBU's( in my opinion ) I read on here. The agonising and as I put it navel watching.!

Growing up in the 70s was not fun. I have made sure to bring my dc up differently.