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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You AIBU Lot!!

162 replies

Moxxygirl · 03/06/2016 16:46

I must admit as an older mom with grown up kids, I love reading the AIBU posts!!
Thank God my kids were raised 30+ years ago, when us moms were not so navel watching, agonising, worrying about their food, school progress, friendships.
WE were the adults - WE made the rules ( without a huge amount of negotiation !) and our kids ran free, didn't worry about pouting on FB, and had a brilliant childhood.
We used to go to the neighbours for a drink and wire the baby alarm through the window so we could here if one of them cried.
We went to holiday camps and left them in the chalets with a babysitting service that flew past on a bike listening for crying babies and flawed it up in the car if one was crying in your chalet.
Nowadays I'm sure SS would have taken them all off us.
And yes they grew up to all hold very responsible jobs in Police and Education.
I actually feel a bit sorry for you moms nowadays.
Your thoughts??

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 03/06/2016 17:21

I think- like with most things- there were things that were better about life when I was growing up, and there are things that were worse. But I genuinely don't need your sympathy, I have a great life, I have great kids who have a great life.

ItsyBitsyBikini · 03/06/2016 17:21

This op could have been written by my mum! Parents were always in the pub, holidays camping in France we were at least once in the week left with a babysitter or one or 2 sets of parents would go round checking on all the kids. This was seen as 'normal' to me. I hope I won't be a neurotic parent and I do look back at my childhood fondly for the most part but things change. My parents would definitely be done for neglect nowadays.

FledglingFridge · 03/06/2016 17:22

as they are not prepared to sacrifice possessions for time,

I just can't help it. Get a real thrill paying for gas, and I love to spoil myself with some me-time under the roof over our heads. Sometimes I go mad buy some second hand clothes from the charity shop for us all.

It's a good job someones generation didn't fuck the property market so badly two parents have to work to keep a household.

blindsider · 03/06/2016 17:22

Preaching to the Choir here!!

Nanny0gg · 03/06/2016 17:23

We used to go to the neighbours for a drink and wire the baby alarm through the window so we could here if one of them cried.
We went to holiday camps and left them in the chalets with a babysitting service that flew past on a bike listening for crying babies and flawed it up in the car if one was crying in your chalet.

Well, you might have done...

Asprilla11 · 03/06/2016 17:24

EverySongbirdSays · 03/06/2016 17:24

If I could reach back in time and give my mother the benefit of an online support group of other women as she struggled to raise three children (one disabled) with an EA alcoholic who thought his job began and ended with putting money in the bank I would do. She had no one to turn to for decent advice

Things were NOT better back in the 70s and 80s for so so many reasons. Beginning with womens rights and going from there.

And I think the McCanns are evidence of the risk you take when you leave your kids in bed to have some drinks with your mates.

I don't know the "moms" you mean I suspect none of us do.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2016 17:25

If the good old days, when we were raised, were so bloody fantastic, why aren't we raising our children that way? Lots of things parents did back then were risky and/or neglectful. So I choose to parent differently.

And don't get me started on the 'we didn't wear seat belts/car seats/helmets and we are still alive' bullshit. If you can't work out the logical problem with that, you're really very silly

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/06/2016 17:25

Oh op, were the strawberries riper and more juicy? Did the sun shine hotter back in the day? Was the music better? Were men real men back then? Were teenagers better behaved and did everyone have respect for the local bobby? That must have been before all the hysteria about lung cancer being caused by smoking and cot death being preventable, yes?

blindsider · 03/06/2016 17:25

It's a good job someones generation didn't fuck the property market so badly two parents have to work to keep a household.

Hmm that's an interesting point as arguably women going back to work is what has fucked property prices. Suddenly families have greater disposable income, they start looking for a bigger house this greater demand isn't matched by an increase in supply so prices rise.

Alwayschanging1 · 03/06/2016 17:25

Allowed to roam free? Yes we were - but a lad on our street died aged 11 when he fell in a quarry.
Parent's set the rules? Yes they did - and I got smacked around the head regularly when I broke them.
Went to the neighbours for a drink? Yep - and most of you drove home pissed too.
Those were the days, eh?

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 03/06/2016 17:26

30 years ago my parents thought it was the done thing to get pissed, to humiliate me, to beat me, to belittle me, to constantly move me from school to school that, even now, I don't have any real roots, to abandon me... because things were different back then.

so er... stop feeling sorry for me, as mum in the 21st century, because I'm certainly doing a far better job than they did.

littlemonkey5 · 03/06/2016 17:27

I was a 'seen but not heard' child of the 80s and I can tell you, it was no fun at all. My fun memories were of me being child number 5 (my auntie is only 13 years older than me and I am the first grandchild in the family) at my Nanna's, playing with my uncle in the garden....although I am not sure about the holding me upside down over the water barrel bit - will never forget the vision of the green water and fly larvae??? - all good fun though!

My children won't have those memories because other than 1 uncle (I had 4 of each) and 1 grandparent (I had 4 until I was 17), I cannot let them out of my sight for fear of being reported for neglect...... We live in a close - which in my childhood meant chalking on the road and building secret dens in the woods behind the house, but nowadays either the children don't want to do something that boring or I have to watch them all the time which means I don't get anything done.

I am also fighting their 'boredom' - go make a den in the garden "that's boring", do some painting "that's boring", go watch TV or play on the iPad "that's boring"........ ARRGGHHHH!!! Unless I am spending money on my DCs, it's apparently boring! These 21st century kids are expensive!

I do hate though that the majority of parents have been made to feel a bit paranoid and have lost the confidence to listen to their instincts. It has been pushed by social media I am sure. A false sense of inadequacy. WWYD? AIBU? Rather than......"I did this - would you have done it differently?" or "I have this problem, can I get some views?" then decide for yourself, it's your choice....... It seems that it is completely fine to ask complete strangers how your life should be......? IDK? Seems a bit odd really doesn't it?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2016 17:28

blindsider · 03/06/2016 17:28

stillsaying

I think negotiation has its place

No it doesn't

thecatfromjapan · 03/06/2016 17:29

I feel quite naughty being here.

It's like a big fight in the playground. I know I should run and fetch a teacher but ...

I reckon it's going to go >poof< anyway. And no-one is going to notice me in the middle of all the fun.

Props to blindisder for upping the ante with a judiciously aimed goad, there.

MsBlandingsBuildsHerDreamHouse · 03/06/2016 17:29

I'm 50. My parents could afford a family sized house on just my dad's salary, so there was no need for both parents to be at work just in order to pay the bills. I got through university on a full grant, no fees and could claim unemployment benefit through the summer vacation (assuming I couldn't get a part-time job, which I could).

I don't look back on my childhood with any kind of rosy 70s glow because some of it was utter shit, but I do know that, financially speaking, life is much more challenging for most young families today. And that's not because they want more stuff, it's because they need to pay the mortgage.

RiverTam · 03/06/2016 17:29

Ever heard of Madeleine McCann?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2016 17:29

It doesn't if you want your child to blindly follow authority. Which isn't my aim with my child. Some rules are set in stone, some are negotiable. Just like real life.

Onlyicanclean10 · 03/06/2016 17:30

Things are much better for women than in the 70s/80s.

I remember my mum ripping up a newspaper in disgust at the advert 'attractive blond needed for secretarial work'

Very commen in the 70s.

Would love to read a post from your kids PoV op? Maybe that's why they joined the police? To protect vulnerable children from neglect they suffered.

thecatfromjapan · 03/06/2016 17:30

I think it would have been funnier if you had come on here and posted in the persona of Keith Richards.

usual · 03/06/2016 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/06/2016 17:31

blindsider

It did and still does with my ds's

PlymouthMaid1 · 03/06/2016 17:31

My children were born late eighties and early 90s and I don't recognise this model of parenting at all. Some elements of it reflect my 60s and 70s childhood but even then I wasn't allowed to play out as it just wasn't deemed safe (Moors murders etc on peoples minds) . luckily my parents weren't pub people but on holiday I did hate being shut in the car for hours with coke and crisps. The thing I would not like about being a parent of young ones now would be the constant intrusion of technology into family life and the precocious knowledge of adult life which is making kids old too soon and giving them distorted ideas about relationships etc. I think the poster above was right in that you can only parent in your era.

LouSavage · 03/06/2016 17:32

You sound like perfect AIBU MIL thread fodder to be perfectly honest. Don't feel sorry for us lot. We're fine.

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