to think we can afford to have a baby on our income?

[LeilaBell]

DH and I have been talking about starting a family for some time. We both want to start a family, but we disagree on the timing.

DH says we possibly couldn't afford to have children in London on our current income, so we should wait until our salaries hopefully go up in a few years.We both feel ready for a baby but DH thinks our income in London is not enough to start a family, while I think we would be just fine.

Our household income (two earners) is nearly £70k a year, we have no mortgage/ rent (inherited a two bedroom property) and no debt. On top of that we aren't big spenders, so we have a good amount of savings for maternity leave/ emergencies.

I think that given our income we can afford at least a baby (if not two!). Perhaps I think so just because I am naive and I don't realize how expensive babies/ children are?

AIBU to think we can afford a baby already? Are children so much expensive than I think? Is having children in London only for the millionaires nowadays?

Leila that sounds reasonable to me, but what do you think? Would you be happy to wait or would you feel upset about that?

perpendicular I didn't say she was (op) I'm guessing what her DH thinks...

And going on what previous clients of my ex boss said when they came to divorce...

There have been some nasty replies on this thread and some people almost wilfully missing the point, also coming across as a bit bitter and jealous. I hope the OP is managing to ignore some of the more spiteful responses.

I read the original post as: I feel we've got more than enough money to raise a child, my husband seems to think we can't afford it. Is there some hidden cost of raising children I'm completely missing or is he wrong about the cost [and therefore is a different conversation with him needed]?

And actually, a number of posters have raised the issue that private education is shockingly expensive. So, if the OP and her H were assuming they'd want private education, then I'd say that has been a useful piece of information that she may not have already known.

Similarly, if the helpful responses on this thread have confirmed what she already knew (no supposing costs) then it's been useful for her.

No need for accusations of her being dim or her OH putting off having children because he thinks she married him for his money!!!! Jesus. I think several grips are needed all round, and not for the OP.

*supposing = suprising

Your DH sounds completely deluded OP.

Your FIL sounds like he sacrificed his time with his children/ family in order to provide financially for them

Your DH wants to do flexible hours to cover half the childcare yet wants all the financial trappings of a ball breaking job?

life doesn't work like that. He's either incredibly naive or incredibly stupid- I'm not sure which.

plimsolls I'm being realistic... How do you know what his family think of her?!

We don't....

One couple I know who wanted private education (the wife did, DH who was privately educated Rugby etc) had to do non private education... She was very much a high fligher he wasn't ta da they're now divorced years later...

It'd be interesting apart from op to know which creative jobs will magically as Bearbehind says magic up flexible working with liveable salaries.

Oh and I work near St Pauls assuming op DH is British like she says me and colleagues were discussing and commented how few British people could send their kids to private school these days...

superfly I don't think you are being realistic, actually, as fixating on the idea her husband or his family believe she is a gold-digge sounds a bit far-fetched and conspiracy-theoryish to me, particularly in comparison to the alternative reasons why he might want to wait a bit until having kids but fair enough. Each to their own. I'm sure the OP knows enough about her own situation to either take your idea on board or to dismiss it.

plimsolls I didn't say for sure about that I just said he or they might...

It happens and more often than you think.

In fact I've had 2 friends (nothing to do with OP) one Serbian one polish the Serb one of her exbfs mum's (who was Spanish) accused her of being with him to get a British passport the other complained (the pole) that British men thought she was after money or a uk passport!

What on earth are you talking about superflyhigh?

I didn't find this goody initially. I think the sentence "can we afford to provide a good lifestyle to our future DC?" a bit challenging. Obviously lots of loving parents provide children with wonderful lifestyles on much lower incomes. Money enables but once you are comfortable it in no way is the major factor in child rearing. To sound clichéd love, time and attention are what's important.

We live in zone 2 on £70k combined income pre tax, with a mortgage and have a 2nd baby on the way. I think we have a good standard of living and consider us lucky. We could earn more but have dropped hours. Luckily we have jobs that allow hours where we share childcare so don't have that outgoing. We will probably move a bit further out in the next few years to get a bit more space though. We both grew up in houses with big gardens and want the same for our children.

I do understand that you want to try to provide a similar upbringing to your (or DH's) sphere of reference. I hope you find a happy solution.

Plenty of English people send their children to private school, just not those who want to work flexibly. That's why usually the lower earner somewhat sacrifices their career for the sake of looking after the children.

Superflyhigh stfu please

I was coming on to post pretty much what Bearbehind said.

LeilaBell, from what you have written I think your DH is quite conflicted. On the one hand he wants to be a hands on father on the other he wants to be able to offer his children the same upbringing he had.

From what you have described these two things are incompatible. He has already made a career choice which is not particularly high earning. Very, very few people get to the point where they can be both high earning and have lots of flexibility with working pattern. On the whole it is either flexibile or high earning.

If he even gets there it could be decades before your DH is in a position to have lots of flexibility in his working pattern. Are you prepared to wait decades?

You will only know when was the right time to have children in hindsight. Looking into the future having children is always a leap of faith.

pretty I meant the more exclusive ones obv ones you don't know about...

But yeah I'm gone this thread is stupid.

I mean I've worked in Wimbledon and Hammersmith/Kensington for past 7 years do I know nothing about privileged people?!

Oh and someone said you can't get a decent house in zone 3 you can...

Stupid people here I agree MN is changing.

Leila, it's harder certainly, but can be done. DH and I are in senior roles and both can work (semi) flexibly, take time off when DC is ill and it hasn't harmed our careers at all. DH has recently been promoted.

I appreciate that this isn't the same in every industry and that to a certain extent we're lucky to have flexible some of the time bosses, but if you work hard and do well, a company is more likely to want to keep you and offer that flexibility.

So many people are working parents now that it's completely normal, so I wouldn't see this as an overriding concern.

I have not caught up with the full thread, but I saw some thing saying this question must be a joke surely. I don't personally find it a joke or a silly question at all OP, especially if you will stay at home and have two or more children.

I think you could have children and it would be worth it, but you will not be able to have an entirely carefree lifestyle if you have half the 70,000 or even if you have the whole 70,000 because you keep working (because then you would probably have to pay for child care unless your parents can help you out.)

I thought this would interest everyone, if no one has posted it already.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/feb/16/cost-of-raising-children-in-uk-higher-than-ever

The cost of raising a child born in 2016 till 21 and going to a state school will be £231,000.

The cost for the same child going to a private day school would be £373,000.
and to a private boarding school £500,000.

Ouch, OP - you are getting some harsh responses!

I do not think, especially at your age with time on your side, that looking at your finances is a bad idea before having kids.

I also don't get the bitterness on this thread, the average salary in London is around £35k, so OP with two earners is around average.

OP, you can obviously afford to have a kid but I appreciate your debate is really about the extras your husband requires. Someone up thread quoted £55k for two kids at private school, that'd be more than your after tax salary! Probably worth talking though with your husband how wedded he is to providing this, and how likely it is and at what point it would be affordable.

It's not unusual for people to have grandparents pay for school fees and many do so despite parents who have well paid jobs - a way of giving away some of the family wealth without being stung on inheritance tax - this tends to happen through the generations. I can understand that your DH feels he should be able to provide what his parents did for him especially as they started from the ground up. Maybe you could reconsider this as an option for schooling if you prefer to have your future children privately educated. Also if your DH was an expat it's not unlikely the fiLs company paid as part of the package. I know a number of expats at my dc school say that they couldn't afford to send their kids if the company didn't pay. So maybe it's worth having a discussion with DH to decide what your priorities are for bringing up children and working out your future plan on how you will do it. Btw: I believe there are some amazing state schools that provide great education, but we chose the independent route as it suited our priorities.

I think it is doable but, be cautious

Assuming that your not trying to wind everyone up then you can more than afford it. Cut the £250 a week on pointless stuff!
OH and I live in an expensive area (granted not London expensive but close to it) and we are currently living off £600 a month and some savings (due to mat leave and an operation) with no problem at all

We're on combined 80k and have a 2 month old. We rent in zone 2 and it's going to be tight but doable when we have to start paying for childcare when I go back to work.

Gosh TriJo that shows just how difficult it is.