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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we can afford to have a baby on our income?

211 replies

LeilaBell · 30/05/2016 10:50

DH and I have been talking about starting a family for some time. We both want to start a family, but we disagree on the timing.

DH says we possibly couldn't afford to have children in London on our current income, so we should wait until our salaries hopefully go up in a few years.We both feel ready for a baby but DH thinks our income in London is not enough to start a family, while I think we would be just fine.

Our household income (two earners) is nearly £70k a year, we have no mortgage/ rent (inherited a two bedroom property) and no debt. On top of that we aren't big spenders, so we have a good amount of savings for maternity leave/ emergencies.

I think that given our income we can afford at least a baby (if not two!). Perhaps I think so just because I am naive and I don't realize how expensive babies/ children are?

AIBU to think we can afford a baby already? Are children so much expensive than I think? Is having children in London only for the millionaires nowadays?

OP posts:
Trills · 30/05/2016 11:04

I think we are all distracted by the fact that you have NO RENT OR MORTGAGE. Shock

But no matter how much you earn or how free your house is, you won't be able to maintain your current lifestyle.

Can you draw up a budget of what you currently spend?

How much are you putting into savings at the moment?

How long would you expect to be on maternity/paternity leave - and would you be paid for any of it?

How much would childcare cost, and would either of you have to change your working life in order to be able to to do dropoffs and pickups?

Babymamamama · 30/05/2016 11:05

If you don't have a mortgage then I think the cost of babies is no more expensive in London than anywhere else. Well served for parks, free activities, museums etc.

GoldPlatedBacon · 30/05/2016 11:05

I'm a bit worried that between the two of you, you earn £70k, you have very little liabilities but you can't do the maths yourself to see that you can quite obviously afford a baby Confused

Brokenbiscuit · 30/05/2016 11:06

What an odd post. On £70k with no housing costs, there clearly isn't an issue. You must know that already.

So what's your post really about? Are there other reasons why your DH might want to avoid starting a family?

Sofabitch · 30/05/2016 11:06

I guess it depends what your income will drop to if you only have one person earning and what life style you want. I mean it might be hard to have a Portland birth and full time maternity nanny and private education on that kind of salary.

Squeegle · 30/05/2016 11:06

What do you spend your money on?

Dakin1 · 30/05/2016 11:07

If you are planning to send your kid to an expensive private school you may be a little bit stretched... otherwise you will be fine, but I think you know that and just fancied a little boast.

CallaLilli · 30/05/2016 11:08

How old are you OP? Asking because your DH seems to think you can afford to wait a few years before starting a family. Does he feel he's too young to be a dad just yet? Are there other things he'd rather be doing right now? Building up his career, travelling etc?

Original poster
LeilaBell · 30/05/2016 11:08

I am sorry, I did not mean for this to come across as a stealth boast. It is not.

I just wanted some opinions or insights and I tried to include as much helpful details as possible.

I of course realize that I am very lucky to have what I have, but that is not the point of my post. The point is that DH and I disagree about how much money we need to start a family. I am dying to have a baby, so please take my post seriously.

Someone asked about the house: DH inherited it. Both our names are on the deeds now.

OP posts:
TheCrumpettyTree · 30/05/2016 11:09

You're quite obviously taking the piss. Nice try.

Brokenbiscuit · 30/05/2016 11:09

Well, yes, if you want a FT nanny and expensive private schools etc, then £70k might not stretch all that far, but that's a different discussion.

Would you both continue to work FT? What's the balance between your income and his? What maternity package would you get?

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2016 11:10

In that case, it sounds as though he just doesn't really want one.

Sorry but you two need to have a serious talk.

BranTriLlygaid · 30/05/2016 11:10

Oh piss off you goady arse. I don't think you're a troll, I know there are genuinely deluded, money boasting people out there. You could easily afford a child, lucky old you Hmm.

BadLad · 30/05/2016 11:10

I did not mean for this to come across as a stealth boast. It is not.

You got that right. It's not exactly master-ninja creeping through the shadows. More a drunken brass band marching through a glass factory.

Brokenbiscuit · 30/05/2016 11:10

What income does your DH think would be "enough" to start a family and how has he calculated this?

HermioneJeanGranger · 30/05/2016 11:10
Hmm
Bee182814 · 30/05/2016 11:11

Yorkshapudding** - mind if I join you?

Mavisblewitt · 30/05/2016 11:11

If you keep using the "when we can afford it" train of thought before starting a family you'll never do it!

Me and dp were the same, until his dear grandfather died. I got pg soon after that, we decided life was too short to wait any longer. We had a house, mortgage and steady jobs but I think we were using the finances as an excuse.

Yes we've had rough patches financially over the years, but we've survived!

Our babies are teenagers now, and over the years of juggling home and work I've managed to secure a fantastic job that pays well so finances are better as well.

From what you've told us, yes you are in a fantastic position to go for it, and extremely fortunate to be in the position you are in. Good luck! 😊

Flumplet · 30/05/2016 11:11

A wise person once told me nobody could ever 'afford' to have a baby. If you want one badly enough, you learn to make sacrifices. Sounds like your other half is making excuses to me.

Bearbehind · 30/05/2016 11:12

No one can take this thread seriously as it is a joke- can you really not see why it is winding people up? Hmm

If you think you need advice from strangers to decide if you can afford a child in your circumstances then something is very wrong.

What exactly does he think costs so much?

How does he think other people manage?

Why can't you put forward a sensible arguement?

As others have said- it sounds like he just doesn't want children.

Original poster
LeilaBell · 30/05/2016 11:13

As many of you suggested, I guess that what DH really means is that he wants to focus on his careers for a few years first and then start a family. He is mentioning money as a reason but perhaps it is more about securing his career first.

He wants to be a very involved dad (he grew up with a very absent father) and perhaps he thinks that he needs to establish himself professionally before focusing on starting a family.

He is 30 and I am 28 btw.

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 30/05/2016 11:14

We had an income of £35k in London (with a mortgage) when I was on maternity leaveHmm.

I think you need to have a frank honest conversation with your dh about his real reasons for not wanting a baby.

silverpenny · 30/05/2016 11:15

Goady fucker

BeautifulMaudOHara · 30/05/2016 11:15

Op, I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time here.

It depends on a lot of things - whether one of you will stop working, whether you'll pay a nanny or a nursery or a childminder, what you'll do about schools, whether you want more than one child.

If you're 30 or over, crack on! And yes, you can afford it.

If you're under 30 then yes, you can afford to wait.

Chinks123 · 30/05/2016 11:15

You know you can afford a baby on that income. You can afford multiple babies on that income. People raise children with zero money, surviving on benefits and massive bills so you with no rent/mortgage will be absolutely fine.

If this is a serious question Hmm then yes you have enough money, but money isn't the be all and end all when raising a child.