Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we can afford to have a baby on our income?

211 replies

LeilaBell · 30/05/2016 10:50

DH and I have been talking about starting a family for some time. We both want to start a family, but we disagree on the timing.

DH says we possibly couldn't afford to have children in London on our current income, so we should wait until our salaries hopefully go up in a few years.We both feel ready for a baby but DH thinks our income in London is not enough to start a family, while I think we would be just fine.

Our household income (two earners) is nearly £70k a year, we have no mortgage/ rent (inherited a two bedroom property) and no debt. On top of that we aren't big spenders, so we have a good amount of savings for maternity leave/ emergencies.

I think that given our income we can afford at least a baby (if not two!). Perhaps I think so just because I am naive and I don't realize how expensive babies/ children are?

AIBU to think we can afford a baby already? Are children so much expensive than I think? Is having children in London only for the millionaires nowadays?

OP posts:
lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 13:27

Sorry to be negative but it sounds as though he doesn't want a child and is using money as an excuse. My dad did the same thing.

If someone really wants a child they find a way to do it even on a low income.

lottielou7 · 30/05/2016 13:28

Sorry to be negative but it sounds as though he doesn't want a child and is using money as an excuse. My dad did the same thing.

If someone really wants a child they find a way to do it even on a low income.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 30/05/2016 13:28

I do wish people would appreciate that to inherit a property usually someone has to die first.

Go and bump off your nearest and dearest then tell op how lucky she is Hmm

Maybebabybee · 30/05/2016 13:29

DH is on 80k. We own and pay £1400 a month on mortgage. I am a stahm. We have loads of disposable income. Of course you can afford it on 70k - children don't cost that much!!!!

waitingforsomething · 30/05/2016 13:30

70k and no mortgage/rent? I think you'll be okay somehow...

Enjoyingthepeace · 30/05/2016 13:30

Good grief silver. Life must be pretty tough when you're so very sensitive

Maybebabybee · 30/05/2016 13:30

Omg I just read you don't even have a mortgage!!!

This cannot be a serious question.

roundtable · 30/05/2016 13:32

Yes Kate - I have a friend who has inherited property and is asset rich due to housing prices soaring. He was very 'lucky' his dad died when he was a child. Hmm

silverpenny · 30/05/2016 13:33

No I don't earn 70k at 28 and dine hard at Michelin restaurants. I'm sure in your eyes I'm abnormal.

Mirandawest · 30/05/2016 13:38

If you're able to comfortably save £2,000 a month then I think you would manage to have a baby. Presumably you have a level of savings built up and you could also spend than £1,000 a month on the extra things. Maybe try for a couple of months on just your dhs salary (saving yours) and see how things go. Then reevaluate. Having q child is a difference not just in money - so see too how your lifestyle would change.

Enjoyingthepeace · 30/05/2016 13:38

Read my post silver.

I don't say I eat in Michelin star restaurants 4x a week in London. Not so I live in a £4.9 mil flat overlooking Holland Park. I say that there are Londoners that do, and I wondered whether the OP was comparing herself with these people.

So no, I don't think your abnormal. I do think you're a tad sensitive though!

Enjoyingthepeace · 30/05/2016 13:39

And my salary was but a drop in the ocean compared with more senior colleagues.

Point is, that someone like the OP, combined income of £70k and no mortgage, can feel 'poor' compared with the very many rich people in London.

roundtable · 30/05/2016 13:40

I will never earn £70k unless I win the lottery that I never play.

I don't read this as a stealth boast and it's not actually the op saying they can't afford it, it's her dh. So I'm not getting the vitriol at the op.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 30/05/2016 13:48

Combined income is about £35,000 each so it's not masses.

It's above the national average but that's meaningless really.

LadyLapsang · 30/05/2016 13:52

You mentioned your DH had inherited the property but you are now on the deeds. If you split up after having a child, the primary caregiver (perhaps you) is likely to stay in the home. You don't mention how long you have been together, but do you think this could be a worry, not necessarily for him - maybe a parent or grandparent? Alternatively, maybe he wants to get a bigger place before you have children.

Butterworthbees · 30/05/2016 13:53

The answer is it depends...

I think the hard thing with stuff like this is you are not really asking will be be able to feed and clothe your kids (because obviously you can do that fairly cheaply). It's more about also what your social group is like, If your friends all do expensive activities, have expensive tastes, send their kids to private school, then it's hard to stay friends and not keep up with that. If your DH went to private school chances are a lot of his mates have money and so won't want to be alienated from them.

However having a baby will mean you make new friends (NCT etc) and so that might not be a problem if you can make some good friends on a similar ish budget.

With the cost of childcare in London and you both working full time your living standard will prob go down. So it depends if you are both ok with it.

(You and your DH can both be emotionally available great parents if you work full time don't worry about that though!)

RortyCrankle · 30/05/2016 13:53

Wow the jealousy is really oozing out of this thread. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Hope you can persuade your DH, OP.

eyebrowsonfleek · 30/05/2016 13:55

Are you sure your h doesn't mean that he wants to be the breadwinner while you're on maternity leave or doesn't want to give up his lifestyle like holidays, eating out etc?

Vikkijayne2507 · 30/05/2016 14:01

Of course it's plenty. But childcare costs would be the one area that will cost dearly if you intend to go back to work. London is obv very expensive and you need to think if you want to change your lifestyle significantly

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/05/2016 14:01

If you wait another 10 years, it maybe more difficult to conceive naturally especially if you want 2 or 3..

Agree a timescale with your husband and make sure you see eye to eye over private education. You need to be in agreement on how to raise a child.

Bearbehind · 30/05/2016 14:01

Seriously?? I must have missed the memo that said only low income families were allowed to post on MN.

Do you really think the vast majority of posters on here are in anything like this financial position? It's about knowing your audience and behaving accordingly.

And, no, I'm not jealous before you start that tact.

oP could have worded this thread very differently but asking if only millionaires have children in London was more than a bit ridiculous.

It sounds like the DH wants the impossible- if he doesn't earn enough to provide what his parents did then he can't aspire to that.

CoolforKittyCats · 30/05/2016 14:02

Wow the jealousy is really oozing out of this thread.

You have no idea how much wealth posters do or don't have

Randomposter · 30/05/2016 14:05

Tbh, a 70k income for London isn't really that high. A half decent house will set you back 500K minimum, & that's in the an unfashionable zone 3 area. If you want zone 1 or 2 you're talking 800k & the rest.
Plus childcare is more expensive in London.
I know the op has a mortgage free flat, so what I'm saying doesn't really apply to her, but a 70k income is not massive to live & work in London.

Original poster
LeilaBell · 30/05/2016 14:06

"You mentioned your DH had inherited the property but you are now on the deeds. If you split up after having a child, the primary caregiver (perhaps you) is likely to stay in the home. You don't mention how long you have been together, but do you think this could be a worry, not necessarily for him - maybe a parent or grandparent? Alternatively, maybe he wants to get a bigger place before you have children."

I don't think that's an issue. DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for 2. Happy relationship/ marriage.

One day he will inherit several other properties from his parents (he inherited our current flat from his grandma) so I honestly don't think that he is worried about me having a claim on this particular flat because of a child. Moreover we are planning to be equal carers of our future DC.

OP posts:
katemiddletonsnudeheels · 30/05/2016 14:06

Actually Bear I think many mumsnetters are pretty wealthy: private education add healthcare and nannies and cleaners all hint to a rather lofty societal position.

However, that's not the point.

Being mortgage free is something that will happen to most of you when your own parents die and leave their assets to you. How much you get depends on how much they had, how many siblings you had and so on.

However for most people this doesn't happen until they are in their fifties by which time mortgages are often paid off or nearly paid off anyway. But when someone young is mortgage free it's generally because of premature loss, so don't be too spiteful about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread