to think we can afford to have a baby on our income?

[LeilaBell]

DH and I have been talking about starting a family for some time. We both want to start a family, but we disagree on the timing.

DH says we possibly couldn't afford to have children in London on our current income, so we should wait until our salaries hopefully go up in a few years.We both feel ready for a baby but DH thinks our income in London is not enough to start a family, while I think we would be just fine.

Our household income (two earners) is nearly £70k a year, we have no mortgage/ rent (inherited a two bedroom property) and no debt. On top of that we aren't big spenders, so we have a good amount of savings for maternity leave/ emergencies.

I think that given our income we can afford at least a baby (if not two!). Perhaps I think so just because I am naive and I don't realize how expensive babies/ children are?

AIBU to think we can afford a baby already? Are children so much expensive than I think? Is having children in London only for the millionaires nowadays?

I don't think this about money (because yes you can clearly afford a baby!) as much as it is about what type of parents you want to be.

Do you want to have one stay at home parent or will you both work? Do you want both of you to be around evenings and weekends? Do you want to live in a bigger home if you have children or are you happy where you are? Is private education essential for you? I think these are all issues you need to sit down with your DH and come to some agreement on. And when you've done that and factored in other issues (eg. You may never be able to afford some of the things you would ideally like, fertility declines as you get older, etc) then maybe you might find it easier to make a decision.

What do you currently spend your money on?

Currently we spend around £500/600 in bills, council tax and management fees. Around £300/400 in groceries. £300 in public transportation. Around £1000 in "discretionary spending", which includes eating out, traveling back home to see family, mobile phones, clothes, technology, experiences, sport, language courses and so on. We save around £2000 every month, sometimes more, sometimes less.

People are being quite unnecessarily unkind.

The OP is asking for advice and opinions. The advice and opinions would be useless if we did not know her income, so she has told us her income.

Some very envious posters on here op. Yes u can clearly afford a baby. You prob need to work out what creche, or nanny etc will cos and effect on ur income if one of u drops hours. Good luck.

The discretionary spending is not for necessities though is it? You cut your cloth etc....

We have a similar income and a mortgage and two children and live in Greater London.

We also still have holidays, eat out, buy new clothes etc and so have more money than we 'need'.

So think you'll be fine.

Yes, of course you can afford to have a child. If you are spending £100 a week on food and another £250 a week on stuff you dont really need like 'experiences' and eating out and then have £2000 a month to save then you will be able to have a child no problem. Unless you are going to tell us that you are earning £60000 a year and your husband is on £10000 or something.

The issue is that he wants to be in a position to be able to spend more time with his child. Is that really going to be possible though? Surely the higher up he gets in his job (whatever it is that he does) he will have more responsibilities, more stress etc and therefore have less quality time with his child?

I think a PP's point about not mixing up "having a financial impact" with "can't afford it" is a very good and important one.

Obviously you can more than get by, particularly if you don't have rent or mortgage to pay. Your current bills are high enough to make me think you could easily reduce them (e.g groceries) if you really needed to anyway.

OP- when you talk to your husband, you should make sure you're both clear on the impact vs affordability question, and also what your spending priorities are (for right now and also in terms of if you'd want private nurseries/schools/nannies when you do have children).

There are two major 'exceptional' costs of raising children in London, which are accommodation and childcare.

Your accommodation costs are zero, which bumps you up the salary leaves a lot.

Full time childcare is expensive (we pay £15k a year for 4 days a week for under 3s here, plus before/after school care costs which can run to £30/day), but considering you have no housing outgoing a should be completely manageable.

The other question is your proximity to good schools, and whether you are willing/able to move into the catchment of a school if you aren't in one already.

Once you have a baby you will not be spending £1000 a month on experiences/language courses/eating out/technology etc etc.

You can easily afford to have a baby.

Another way of phrasing it to your DH would be how old does he want to be when he is a dad - he is 30 now, 50 ish when the kids are in their 20s - does he really want to be a 40 yr old dad and 60 and still spending on uni fees etc, maybe not seeing his grandkids be born...

I don't think he doesn't want kids. I think it's just a classic case of wanting everything to be perfect, which, quite frankly, will never be the case.

If you're ready now, then ask him what it is he wants in place before having children. Was he hoping to live in a different house, have a higher income, have reached a particular point in his career? Is hE worried about your lifestyle changing and thinks he's not ready for that? Find out what it is, work out how long it will take to get there, make a plan. Remind him TTC can take 6-12 months and pregnancy is 9 months. So you want to start trying a year or two before you expect a baby to actually come along. And you might want to do some other preparation before TTC, such as losing weight or having dental work done or whatever it is. Don't be fobbed off with vagueness like 'when we're more stable in our careers'. How stable? What landmarks? Etc.

It's a common thing I think, we have definitely done it, but you do need to be proactive about it at some point or you'll never get started.

What Bear said. You are, quite frankly, living in Cloud Cuckoo Land if you think you can't afford a baby. Your husband probably doesn't want a baby and is using the money as an excuse.

I think it can depend on what sort of lifestyle you want with your baby. We had a pram that cost approx £90 from Mothercare, we borrowed a crib, and I bought basic cotton clothes and bedding. My sister had a swish pram that cost £700! A baby doesn't need expensive gadgets, they can sleep a drawer and be happy.

I don't think the OP is being that unreasonable. Questions to think about: How is your income split, do you both earn £35K or is one of you a higher earner? How much money do you have saved, and how much maternity pay will you receive (don't assume anything, check out the maternity policy atwork)? Do you have enough savings to cover the cost of one or two lots of maternity leave for the number of months you want to take off? Will you want to move to a bigger place (I wouldn't want to have kids in a 2 bedroom flat but I don't live in London) and how much of your income would you then spend on a mortgage?

What are you going to do about childcare, are one or both of you going to drop your hours, do you have family close by who are willing to provide free childcare or are you going to have to pay for it, if so assume £1k per child per month if you both want to work FT.

I think at 28 you still have time to wait a bit to have kids so keep talking and decide what you can compromise on and what you can't.

Some people do feel you income isn't enough for baby. And it depends on what they see the future as.

How much mat leave will you get and will it be paid, will one of you become a sahp (meaning a drop in income) what about cost of childcare, do you want the kids to be privately educated, do you want to move to an area with better schools etc.

Whilst you can technically afford it, it could end up meaning cutting back on free spending, he might not want to do that at the moment.

I would say that you can easily afford it on 70k and even on 35k if your income is halved, if you have no mortgage to pay.

I'm on maternity leave (due in June) and we will have an income of about 45k. I am concerned about how we will manage but then we do have a mortgage to pay.

I don't understand how people manage on under 25k! How is it possible with (usually) two adults and at least one child to get by with a good standard of living and rent/mortgage to pay? I'm not in London but in the south.

Maybe because your DH comes from a wealthy background he wants a similar lifestyle for his children?

Maybe because your DH comes from a wealthy background he wants a similar lifestyle for his children?

I think that's the bottom line of the situation, but I do not think we will ever be able to provide the kind of lifestyle he was given as a child, unless we accept substantial financial help from my PILs (which we are not too keen on) for stuff like private education. DH really wants to "make it" on his own and I am proud of him for not relying on his family wealth too much.

Is your DH aware that the threshold for being "rich enough to afford private school" has changed a lot in the last 30 years?

The cost has risen much much faster than earnings have increased.

So you have to be MORE successful money-wise than his parents were, not just equally successful.

It's actually incredibly offensive to post on a parenting forum wondering if you can afford a child when you earn £70k and have no housing costs- you need to take a look around you OP and get a grip.

Seriously?? I must have missed the memo that said only low income families were allowed to post on MN.

OP, ignore all the bitchy posts. You would make it work if you had a baby, but regardless of your income, changes would have to be made to your current lifestyles. Maybe the issue is more of a lifestyle one than a financial one?

Oh some nasty posters here.

OP, you and your DH are in London and have the classic London mentality. Your salaries are very very low compared with financial city workers. I was 28 7 years ago and not far off your combined income. So you compare yourself with others living in London and that makes you think lose sight of the fact that you actually are pretty comfortable. Ok, you can't eat in Michelin star restaurants 4x a week like some Londoners do, you don't live in a £4.9 million pound 2 bed flat overlooking Holland Park. But you certainly are in a comfortable position. Don't lose sight of that.

enjoyingthepeace thanks for yet another stealth boast post on this thread

Unnecessarily unkind posts. Yes the op is lucky not to have rent/mortgage to pay but if one of them becomes a stay at home parent that will halve presumably. If not, nursery fees will eat into their finances. Especially if they have them close together or a multiple birth.

Seems sensible to me to have a financial conversation before having children - I certainly did.

As an aside op, have you considered whether you would be better off selling and moving further out than London for a bigger property but for a similar price? Depends on the cost of the season ticket though.

You would be fine op but not if your husband has unrealistic views about his earning potential. He could be waiting to earn enough money forever. Sounds like he needs to scale back his expectations.

Good grief silver!