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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

230 replies

ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2016 20:03

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

OP posts:
Notmydolly · 23/05/2016 20:24

(Whispers)......many people say my husband is. Blush

lougle · 23/05/2016 20:27

(Whispers back) do you agree?

readytorage · 23/05/2016 20:31

I had an ex boyfriend who I genuinely think was a fucking creep. Everytime I hear the ella Henderson song "ghost" I think of him when she sings the line "I had to meet the devil just to know his name"

It's taken me years to accept that I think he may have raped me. He used to be furious if I didn't perform some sort of sex act on him when I saw him so I did and now I realise that it surely a form of sexual assault/rape.

readytorage · 23/05/2016 20:31

So yes I think I've encountered a psychopath/sociopath and it still haunts me

Cutecat78 · 23/05/2016 20:32

Yes my ex who was also a therapist Hmm

Unfortunately not uncommon in the field.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2016 20:33

ready

Oh my god thats terrible I'm so sorry.

Not
They don't have to have murdered someone to be a psychopath! your dh could be just really calculating and calm under pressure.

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/05/2016 20:33

An ex definitely had traits, if not a full blown psychopath. The charisma in anyone never fools me now.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2016 20:34

Unfortunately not uncommon in the field.

I agree, being in the position to analyse someone and give them answers is a position of power over someone at the end of the day.

OP posts:
FuckingMother · 23/05/2016 20:35

Had hideous time involved with a sociopath. Only interacted with him for a week - met him whilst travelling but the damage lasted for years

sherbetpips · 23/05/2016 20:36

No but lots of sociopaths, manipulative burgers who don't give a crap about anyone and will climb right over you to get what they want. Most good chief execs and bosses are sociopaths, it's how they get there they simply don't give a toss what you think or how you feel and therefore do not make decisions based on emotion.

acasualobserver · 23/05/2016 20:36

I worked for five different head teachers in my 'career' - all of them - to a man, to a woman, were psychopaths, IMO. (I should point out that I am not actually qualified to diagnose psychopathy but if ruthlessness, vanity, dishonesty, and lack of conscience are indicators then they were all pretty good candidates.)

CaffeineDeficitDisorder · 23/05/2016 20:37

Yes, I have worked with a sociopath. It took me a few years to work it out. It was very scary when I realised and several things fell into place. Half the people still thought the person was wonderful and thought I was insane for keeping out of person's way.

I took my opportunity to move on.

readytorage · 23/05/2016 20:37

Amen sherbet amen

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2016 20:38

I'm sure my boss was a sociopath/ psychopath, she once put a fellow employee on an absence disciplinary because she left work when her daughter was in a car accident..

OP posts:
Glitterandglue · 23/05/2016 20:39

I am 95% sure my uncle is. The whole family was NC with him for about 15 years due to his behaviour (stole his brother's identity, his sister's money, got himself sent down for fraud) until my granddad got ill and they reconciled. I think the only reason he seems to be tamer now is due to how ill he is. I only met him when I was in my late teens but immediately got a vibe of 'stay away' and three other cousins that I spoke to said they got the same thing. I deliberately do not have any contact with him myself - it's to protect me even though he's never done anything specifically to hurt me.

Also pretty sure I worked with a woman once who was. Weirdly one of the above cousins also knew her and she and I met her independently and had that same 'stay away' vibe before we knew anything about her...then her behaviour a couple years later bore it out, when we found out about it. We clearly have some kind of psycho-radar.

Ginkypig · 23/05/2016 20:39

All of us have probably known or at least have met or been in contact with one.

From my understanding they are relatively common in society but only a tiny number become dangerous (like serial killers) or commit "newsworthy" the percent is higher in that group than other personality types but all personality group have the potential.

midlifehope · 23/05/2016 20:39

i actually think my dp has many traits..... unemotional, calm, calculating, thrill seeking

igglepiggleisanarsehole · 23/05/2016 20:39

DP, definitely. Not to the point it makes him a misery to be with though. He lacks empathy and can be incredibly self centred, however he's quite intelligent and accepts his behaviour can be psychopathic and if I mention it he tends to reflect on it and try to work on it but obviously finds that hard because he's a psychopath.

chelle792 · 23/05/2016 20:40

My housemate was. It was horrifying. I moved my new boyfriend in to protect myself until he moved out as I found out that he had some pending prosecutions that I found out about. I could probably also have reported him to the police and added another charge or two with my experiences

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 23/05/2016 20:40

acasualobserver

Dh thinks his head teacher was a psychopath, he's now in prison [shocked] he was seriously scary

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 23/05/2016 20:42

My ex (first love who I met at school) was a sociopath (maybe a psychopath) he was a very scary guy even at his young age. I count my blessings everyday I got away from him.
I think if I'd stayed id probably be dead or have been driven crazy!

Tiggeryoubastard · 23/05/2016 20:42

Yes, a few, diagnosed, a few not. I work in a prison. Usually very intelligent.

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 23/05/2016 20:42

Yep. A former friend who ticked just about every box. No conscience or empathy at all. Brilliantly charismatic and always the centre of attention and the 'it' girl. She could talk you into doing almost anything even though you knew it was wrong - she had a way of making me feel that not doing it would be worse. She was unbelievably manipulative and devious. I wish sincerely that I hadn't met her.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 23/05/2016 20:42

I had a boyfriend who I think was certainly a sociopath but had some of the characteristics of a psychopath including:

-glibness and superficial charm
-grandiose sense of self-worth
-pathological lying (he would literally lie just for sport/because he could)
-cunning/manipulative
-lack of remorse
-emotional shallowness
-lack of empathy
-unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions
-easily bored
-unrealistic ideas/plans for the future.

He was terrifying because he seemed entirely harmless and underneath was a proper nutter but he blended in with normal society. I am not being glib when I say that I expect to open a newspaper one day and hear he's murdered a string of women and buried them in his garden. I genuinely feel lucky to have got away from him with only mental scars.

SouthDownsSunshine · 23/05/2016 20:43

Yes, twice. One was a friend's boyfriend. Somehow managed to manipulate my very strong friend in a way that left her crushed. He was full of charisma.

The second is a previous boss. Very calm and controlling, effective. Just crossed that line between being amazing and being freakily controlled and calculating.

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