have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

Not all therapists analyse.

My old friends ex was/is a psychopath I think. He was incredibly charming and one of the most charismatic people I've ever met.

He was also extremely manipulative, selfish and cruel. Just being around him was like playing with fire- he was bright, warm, amazing- and extremely dangerous. More than one persons life was almost ruined because of his awful and devious actions. He used people to get what he wanted. He exploited anyone who showed him affection.

But part of him, a significant part, was fun to be with and very personable.
He was involved in various shady activities, but due to a powerful family connection with the police, avoided trouble himself, or at least he did for several years.

He was charming and very frightening. Yet fascinating- people found him fascinating. I was disturbed by some of the things he said and did when I met him the first few times, because he seemed to change his personality to fit whoever he was with. I felt that he was not quite trustworthy, but struggled to explain why to my friend who was besotted with him.

I sincerely hope I never meet him again, he was 'bad news'.

I had a conversation with her yesterday which was 'typical'. I don't really speak to her that often as its quite difficult.

She asks the questions she knows she's supposed to ask at the beginning (how are you etc) but she doesn't mean them really, she's waiting for a chance to tell you about herself. There's no feeling behind it. If you did tell her something it's batted away and she can't understand why you are so upset or annoyed by it. After the preliminaries I said oh you look well, you look like you've got a good tan. She immediately told me that yes she tans well as she has foreign blood in her. (She forgets that I know all our relatives and our family is whiter than white). When I said oh no you don't, it was batted away with well I do but you just don't know about it.

I think there are two psychopaths in my family. Because of them I no longer have a family. They didn't kill anyone, just manipulated everyone to their own advantage, lied, manipulated some more, schemed, didn't care who they hurt, used me as a scapegoat and then discarded me because I wasn't useful anymore.

I should probably get counselling because of it all. But what if the therapist turns out to be one?

Oh yes, fucking scary. A few brothers with psycopathic tendencies, one of who 'chased' me for ages. One of his older bothers was a full blown, legally defined psychopath, imprisoned in a high security psychiatric hospital which did no good as thats where he murdered his psychiatrist.

Christ Jane She actually forgot she was speaking to her own daughter, or is so used to lying that she just doesn't know shes doing it?

I know that the term psychopath is not really used very much in trails, is all about narcissism now.

I watched an amazing documentary about Brian Blackwell recently. He murdered both his parents then went on holiday with his girlfriend using their credit cards.
His interviews are totally chilling, he really believes what he is saying and then when it blows up in his face he breaks down and lies even more without breaking a sweat. He actually only received a manslaughter verdict because of diminished responsibility. The psychologists concluded he was 'suffering' from narcissism...

You say that you and your husband are interested in the workings of the mind, OP. One of the most fascinating discoveries is, as NoMudNoLotus and attheendoftheday have suggested, that labels are tremendously unhelpful to anyone except a treating expert (and even then...). What is important is how well a person functions and, if they do harm, what their capacity to change is. If one applies a label to them then there is a natural instinct for people to think they understand: that there is a range of characteristics that flow from the diagnosis; that they know what to expect.

The truth is the other way round: a range of characteristics can lead to a diagnosis, but might not. I have worked with some of the most disturbing people in the country whose differences were very much greater than their similarities. Really awful anti-social behaviour is simply not predictable. Nor is it possible or useful to put such a huge range of behaviours into a few categories. Get beyond that, and the subject becomes really fascinating.
BTW, no disrespect or lack of empathy is meant to any of the posters who have experienced this sort of thing personally rather than professionally.

Yup. He tortured me. Sick sick man.

I'm sure my mother is. I'm NC with her

I should probably get counselling because of it all. But what if the therapist turns out to be one?

Get a recommendation, and get a female therapist. I know about five female therapists and none of them are psychopaths.
Don't think the number of psychopaths is very high in the profession, to be honest. The pay is not as high as for psychatrists and others in the medical profession, and we know that psychopaths like money and prestige.

My Dad was, he spent 18 years in Parkhurst and other prisons for cutting the man who claimed to have got my mum pregnant with eye out and slicing off half of his face, so he wouldn't be "pretty" (his words) any-more. He was in and out after that for a several violent crimes. When he wasn't "teaching someone a lesson" or having " a little chat" (his words), he could be quite charming. He had absolutely no empathy for people and the extent of his remorse was "well it happened and I got caught". Although in later life he decided "not to be a danger to people" by buying a run down old cottage in the middle of nowhere.

I never really knew him and found it difficult to get along with him the few times I met him.

Yes. He is a dual qualified professional and chair of trustees at an independent faith school (deliberately vague, sorry). He got another woman pregnant and told my friend that she and the DCs would have to move in with her mother. It's too identifiable to tell the whole story but suffice it to say I hope that he and the other woman burn in scorching hell.

I was going to say no until someone posted this list upthread:

Ollie, I think she just lies so much she does it without even thinking about it.

Weirdly I don't really remember her being that bad when we were small.

She did go after a girl who had relentlessly bullied my sister she was about 11. Not in anger but very very coldly. I remember her grabbing this girls arm and slowly giving her a Chinese burn as that was what she had done to my sister. She wasn't bothered at all, it was justified in her eyes.

Oops:

-glibness and superficial charm
-grandiose sense of self-worth
-pathological lying (he would literally lie just for sport/because he could)
-cunning/manipulative
-lack of remorse
-emotional shallowness
-lack of empathy
-unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions
-easily bored
-unrealistic ideas/plans for the future.

This list! It almost perfectly described a boyfriend I had that I was so completely in love with it took me nearly 8 years to get over to him. It was so hard to reconcile the man I loved and the way he treated me.

Ollie I watched that documentary on Brian Blackwell. Like most psychopaths, he was a fascinating person.

He reminds me a lot of the Menendez brothers. Have s look online for Dominik Dunne's groundbreaking article.

You're right Huppo and its fascinating to get your insight. I think in one book I have it mentions that 'ordinary' people like to put a name to this collection of traits, its in our nature to compartmenalise in order to try and understand or diagnose the reason for somebody's behaviour.

Its must have been really interesting to interview those people, and I really get what you mean. According to the 'scale' Brian Blackwell and Ted Bundy are both clear cut 'psychopaths' but they are so, so different in so many ways.

You sound much more learned on the subject than I am, for sure.

Op have you watched "The Jinx"?

In schools and Universities met many senior lectures and HTs who have many msrkers.

The 'in case of nuclear war put psychopaths in charge' was an idea put forward by a very junior civil servant, presumably after a somewhat more creative brainstorming session than usual.

Her more senior colleague's critical notes are written on the proposal. They were not taken forward. To a non-civil servant they may not seem particularly critical, but to someone conversant with civil service language and use they basically mean - wtf? you're a complete nutcase.

Great post, Huppopapa I'm revising this topic for an exam at the moment, so that is a really interesting perspective. If you have any references I'd love to see them.

Some of what is being described here would come under narcissistic personality disorder, though I believe that does overlap with psychopathy to some degree. Narcissistic personality disorder also overlaps with antisocial personality disorder. Antisocial personality disorder is the nearest to psychopathy in the DSM but it is actually not that close - most people who are psychopaths could be diagnosed with ASPD but only a relatively small percentage of those with ASPD are also psychopaths.

My mother has narcissistic personality disorder. I'm fairly certain she's on the scale for psychopathy too.

What do you make of the couple from Celeb big brother, Stephanie and Jeremy?

Last

He really was, and he reminds me of the Menendez murders too. Its just so unbelievable, the parents were just in the way.

Jane

I think sometimes my Dad forgets who he is talking to and what lie he told to which person. He does slip up occasionally but always worms his way out of it. He has NEVER apologised, in all the years I have known him, for anything.

Wally

Just googled it, looks amazing will definitely be watching

I was 'raised' by one.

Know a few more as well.