have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

I think the senior manager of my directorate fits the psychopath description very well.

Imagine killing your own parents! I have just reminded myself of the Menendezes (how on earth is that pronounced??) so I'm away to read the Dunne article again! Night all!

Yes, a very senior person in a public sector job. He is so calculating and ruthless that he's really quite scary.

I think my mother qualifies as well. I remember my boss in one of my first jobs had a sign saying " 10 signs you're a psychopath". I asked her if it was real ( she used to work in the mental health field) and she said yes, and that you needed 7 out of 10 to be a psychopath. My mother has 8....
It was the first time I realised the problem was definitely her.

Recent exP was, definitely. And a narcissist to boot.

My ex was a sociopath- every kind of manipulative, cold and detached.

A guy from school (obviously not in school now) is a self confessed psychopath.

He admits he has no real feelings rather than anger, disappointment and boredom. He readily agreed he behaves normally as that's just what you're supposed to do - but if it benefited him he'd backstage anyone. He's tried his charms a few times but always been wary even before his revelations.

I think a lot of people in higher positions are sociopaths - it takes a certain ruthlessness to reach the top - pretty sure I read a study they did on this.

My ex was a sociopath- every kind of manipulative, cold and detached.

A guy from school (obviously not in school now) is a self confessed psychopath.

He admits he has no real feelings rather than anger, disappointment and boredom. He readily agreed he behaves normally as that's just what you're supposed to do - but if it benefited him he'd backstage anyone. He's tried his charms a few times but always been wary even before his revelations.

I think a lot of people in higher positions are sociopaths - it takes a certain ruthlessness to reach the top - pretty sure I read a study they did on this.

oh yes.

I think I am tbh. I have very little conscience and most of my restraint comes from what is considered socially acceptable. Most would say I was very principled however. Thrill seeking isn't my bag though.

I strongly suspect that a girl I used to see a lot through a hobby was some kind of sociopath. She was extremely charming and personable and I admit to having been taken in by her in the beginning, but the more time I spent in her company the more I started to notice something was off. She used to stand there and tell me about ways she wanted to ruin the lives of people who wronged her in some way and she was deadly serious.

She fits a lot of the criteria mentioned here. Attention seeking, grandiose, entitled, lacking in empathy, manipulative and yet ridiculously charming. She always seemed to have a gagging of adoring cronies around her. These were always people with personal problems, who she used to make herself look good. I remember one of them crying over something one time and her hugging them in response but she had this cold glassy dead look in her eyes. In fact her eyes are the one thing I remember most about her, they were almost predatory looking.

My ex boss. Extremely smooth, charismatic, very attractive and quite magnetic.

Strangled his wife and his her under the bed. Their daughter found her eventually.

I married one, I'm not exaggerating.
It took me years to extricate myself and straighten my head out.

Felloutofbed 's checklist earlier;

-glibness and superficial charm
-grandiose sense of self-worth
-pathological lying (he would literally lie just for sport/because he could)
-cunning/manipulative
-lack of remorse
-emotional shallowness
-lack of empathy
-unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions
-easily bored
-unrealistic ideas/plans for the future.

My (STBX) husband ticks every single one.

We are divorcing because I found out about his long term affair.
(discovered in 2011, had been going on 6 years - he begged for 2nd chance, I agreed after about 6 months; found out last year that they'd never stopped seeing each other so 10 yr affair, hence now divorcing).

He is actually a nice guy (apart from the obvious!) and I still get on with him, but it's on my terms now - I keep him sweet but at arms length.
He'd be back in getting his feet under the table if I gave him an inch.

He is utterly charming though and people don't believe he was capable of completely separating the different parts of his life so completely & easily with seemingly no sense of guilt.

most of my restraint comes from what is considered socially acceptable

You are not alone. In my lifetime society changed. Many found it socially acceptable to openly drink and drive or be openly racist.

I've worked in mental health in the NHS for 6 years- I have met only a couple of genuine psychopaths (and that was in the depths of PICU)

Quite Agee sociopaths though :)

A few, not agee

Ex H. By the time i divorced him he had made us homeless (remortgaged the house twice without me knowing, to pay off 250,000 personal loans in joint names (that he'd forged my signature for). He set of a fake charity and stole off clients and put money into it. He got my father to vary my late Mum's will and then stole my share of the inheritance he advised my father to give to us all. He waited till I was visiting relatives and drove my father to building society and made him withdraw £20,000 of his life savings and give him it. Lied about the reason why he needed it (to pay the loans). He ended up in jail but never accepted responsibility for what he did. It was everyone elses fault but his. He has no sense of shame remorse and still puts himself up for positions in the local community where he is quite visible, where most people after going to prison would be too ashamed. He would do anything for anyone but this was to make himself liked rather than because he wanted to help. He could only express anger and laughter (very basic sense of humour) and was unable to hug (even his own children) or show affection. He was always going to be massively successful and was a huge snob and full of himself yet underneath was insecure. A truly awful awful bastard. He wrecked the life of everyone he came into contact with wherever there was money involved. I wish him only misery.

I think age and experiences can greatly affect people. I am pretty sure that if I had taken Wally's test in my 20s, I'd have scored 90% or thereabouts. I felt very untouched by other people and was quite ruthless really. 20 years later and I scored 45%. I have learned empathy because of experiences I have been through. I probably have more empathy than most people these days, but it came at a price.

My ex definitely has sociopathic traits. He has children he doesn't see, that he lied to me about/denied for three year. No normal person pretends his own small children don't exist. It's sick. He's so manipulative. He just lies to people and doesn't give a shit.

My nephew by marriage. He was put in borstal when he 14 for gbh with intent to kill. Beat someone up and threw them unconscious into a pond
terrifying exceptionally charmingl'y evil young fella

A friend's xh. Not my story so won't expand but I know what's behind that facade and it's like something from a sewer.

FellOutOfBedTwice's list describes my Fil to an absolute Tee. Only now he has depression and I think the beginnings of dementia. Now he's just pathetic and bewildered. Still manipulative and full of nasty shit though.

My Dad, i'm 99% sure.

He jokes about hurting animals, has no remorse or sense of responsibility, tells random lies, physically abusive and sadistic. He's also very narcississtic and thinks he's superior, and will look you in the eye and tell you exactly that.

However, he is also extremely immature and overly affectionate (perhaps fake emotions?) and sometimes very supportive.

He's also very arrogant and cocky to other men. He is very charming and nice to random women.

Also enjoyed hurting/overpowering me as a child, and also my mother. He would laugh whilst giving me chinese burns as I begged him to stop. A few years ago we were mucking about and he twisted my arm so far around my back I thought he had broken it. I screamed in pain and swore at him to stop.

No, I don't think I have actually (luckily). Maybe because I work for a smallish charity (no money or power there) or perhaps because I find even the "attractive" psychopathic traits deeply unattractive (I like straightforward, down to earth people, not bothered about money and find power-hunger hugely off-putting. Ditto "charming" people and risk takers.

I'm dull, me .