have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

Yes my ex (Royal marine)

Although that's by my own unqualified assessment.

We met before he joined the marines and he was a fucking psychopath then too.

When we broke up I was genuinely terrified

On initial thoughts I'd have said no, but having had a good read of that checklist then I think I may have come across 2 potential candidates.
Dh's oldest half brother. Always got a general feeling of anger and resentment from him. He was always a very negative chap. When dh's father passed away he and another brother just wanted their share of the value of his house, never mind that dh had been living there for a long time to care for his Dad and had nowhere else to go. Dh always just gave in to his older brothers and has said more than once that had he not been with me, he's not sure where he would have ended up at that point. Stiffed out of a heck of a lot of money probably.
The other is a junior school teacher of mine, she really ticked a lot of the boxes. She had quite the love of schadenfreude, she had her "pets" and a hit list of sorts. If you were on that list, you never got off it and she would be regularly publicly horrible. There were about five of us who got it regularly. She used to call me "water works" and enjoyed making me cry. Horrible, vile woman. Todays education system, for all its faults, would be much better at spotting people like her.
Still, having read the thread I seem to have got off quite lightly. for everyone.

Yes, four

A woman for whom I once worked. Though,y nasty , masked by evangelical Christianity. Stilettod everyone on on the way to the top.

A previous top of my organisation. Terrifying. Straight from the pages of a thriller. Extraordinary vanity.

A new senior member of my organisation. Eyes and smile don't match. No compunction.

And , not sure psycho, prob more socio, the son of a friend. likely if anyone is to become a killer. V charming when not out of his mind.
V worrying.

Oh god reading this I'm 100% sure my ex is, is my (our) child likely to inherit traits of this???
Ex has got all of the traits mentioned when I google it, shit

Don't worry self, current research suggests (like a lot of things) that it's likely to be a mixture of inherited characteristics and environmental factors. Personality is formed throughout childhood and adolescence and environment is a huge part of that. How many people are exactly like their parents?

An awful, cold ex boyfriend, who now has a very senior job. He is married with 3DC.

Also suspect Tony Blair is a sociopath!

I've come across manipulative people but cant think of anyone who fits with my understanding of what constitutes psychopathy

I suppose the most dangerous or 'successful' psychopaths are the ones who manage to keep it hidden?

Looking back it's obvious that my Fil is a sociopath, if not a narcissist, but it's only really come to light recently. He lost his job which he never thought would happen as the work couldn't possibly function without him and I think the shock was such a massive blow to his ego that he crumbled into depression. Everything was stripped away from him and all that was left wasn't worth being, without the lies and bluff and importance. Now he has paranoid delusions. It's very telling how convinced he is of things, and how when we try to talk to him about it or question it, he stops talking or changes the subject. Where before he would have had everybody convinced, now he is so confused he can't follow his own bullshit and shows himself to be the fantasist and liar that he's probably always been.

I used to work in the prison system, so met plenty of ASPDs and a couple of true psychopaths. One in particular gave me chills. He was on remand for murder and was so charming that he formed a romantic relationship with a clinical psychologist working in the prison. Talk about being under someone's thrall. The poor woman lost her job and her psych registration and STILL continued a relationship with him. I can't remember either of their names now or I would google to find out what happened to them both.

My first real BF met all the criteria for ASPD. I wish I'd had the knowledge and courage to break up with him sooner, but it really was a massive learning experience. He wasn't intelligent enough to be a successful psychopath though.

My XBIL possibly meets the psychopath definition, and definitely has some kind of personality disorder. But he managed to hide it for years. Only after they split did some of the bizarre stuff that my DSis put up with come out. She didn't tell anyone while they were together.

My DB also has some narcissistic traits. I don't think he would qualify as a psychopath, but his score would be higher than most. He made my childhood hell, but has always had the ability to turn on the charm when he wanted to (never to me, but to those outside the immediate family). I feel sorry for my SIL.

Psychopath - possibly one of DH's relatives. Startling lack of empathy, huge superiority complex, could easily imagine him being in trouble with the law at some point. Worryingly, but not perhaps surprisingly, he trained to be in the police force.
An ex boyfriend - pathological liar, gaslighter, EA - possibly sociopathic, not sure about psychopath. EXTREMELY glad he moved on from me to someone else, he had the potential to ruin my life. Ex army.
Another ex army friend quite possibly was a psychopath, although he had 2 certificates that declared him sane (done while he was in the army) - but I don't know whether they test for psychopathy in those tests!

I am sure that the majority of personnel in both the armed forces and police are NOT psychopaths, nor sociopaths, but the opportunity for controlling others could well draw them towards professions like that (and teaching too).

ThumbWitches it's interesting what you say about the professions that attract them. I live abroad and the expat community here is full of highly successful professionals in powerful positions. There also seems to be a higher level of marriage dysfunction in terms of infidelity and abuse (of all kinds). People say it's the place, but I've come to realise it's the people. I'm sure we've got a much higher incidence of psychopaths and sociopaths than the 1-4% quoted above.

I think there's a very strong argument to claim that just about all "top people" in society, politicians, CEO's, heads of just about all large organisations, are psychopaths... they all seem to posses a ruthless, single minded determination and ambition to succeed and reach the top and gain the power, control and recognition that comes with such a position.

"ordinary" people just don't have that same level of drive and ambition to reach these positions as they have no desire to have power and control

My husbands exW is. She 'collects' people who are useful and then drops them like a stone when they're no longer of use. She lies, constantly. We know to not believe a word she says because she just cannot tell the truth. She's manipulative, shows no real emotion except anger but is very quick to turn on crocodile tears when she feels someone is being 'unfair', 'unfair' to her is anyone who won't 'help' her, this help is basically paying for everything for her, taking on the vast majority of childcare (she lives with her parents with her child, she rarely sees the child, preferring to spend time with her BF), if anyone dares to challenge her on her lies she either bursts into tears or rages angrily. A favourite phrase of hers when a lie is exposed is "oh you know what I meant", that phrase is meant to explain why what actually happens is the polar opposite of what she said would happen. No one is allowed to challenge her.

Reading this thread has made me wonder about a former manager of mine. He wasn't 'nasty' to me directly, was actually very charming and flirty, but I could hear (usually other female) members crying in is office which was next to mine. He would talk them up then break them down slowly. It was 99% women too. He had a wife & family but lived away from them during the week so he could come and 'help us/sort us out/look what you've made me do, leave my family this week for you lot' type threats. He was being paid handsomely for his contract, which was mercifully, short term.

He would strut around the office bellowing, and saying things like 'remember, I've been a CEO, I've been on the other side, I know what it's like to be you and those trying to get your job' 'I'm the voice of the Chief Executive, I have been given powers to do what I think necessary'.

At his first staff meeting he told us that our failures (and we were statistically failing TBH) where not our fault, 'lucky, I have good staff to work with here'. Then systematically broke each individual down so they left. It was awful to watch as a bystander.

The only time I had a run in with him was when I'd been (the industry equivalent) of in court that day, so was in cross examining mode - ie I was on my toes - he made a pass at me and I told him to fuck off. I often think if it had been a regular day I would have been embarrassed, but he picked the wrong day to try to manipulate me.

An ex colleague who's now head of dept. Thankfully I got out just in time. His wife is actually dying at the moment and I don't believe for Minute he has the ability to feel anything about it

I have worked with one in a prison setting very briefly.
He was incredibly charming and engaging

Yep. Worked in mental health services and I've come across some in my time. One 15 year old girl who scared the shit out of me. Soulless would be how you'd describe her.

Self, one reason the court apponted psych recommended my Paranoid Personality Disorder ex wasn't allowed any direct contact with our two kids, was because there is evidence there might be a slight genetic predisposition for these things - but if children are not exposed to it constantly in childhood, the chances are they will be mentally healthy, in later life.

I don't know if that's based on sound research but it was actually the argument used in court that meant ex got zero contact.

One of our sons is just essentially my lovely late dad, in another body. He seems to take totally after our side of the family - not just looks, but personality. The other is very like his birth dad, and I worry more about him, but tell myself my older kids turned into super decent human beings, so he has every chance...

Talking of a psychopath having to fake caring about a death in the family... My ex once said something that creeped the shit out of me. "If you died and I had to bring up the kids on my own, I'd tell them you had been a beautiful, golden haired angel". wtf? Who even has thoughts like that? And he certainly didn't treat me as if I was a beautiful angel - he treated me like a piece of shit. But the message was, if I was conveniently dead - he'd then confer sainthood...

One night I was driving back alone from somewhere, after he'd had an argument with me, and I had a very near miss (If I'd been on the road at the time he thought I was, there was a collision and I'd have been in it). I was so upset I pulled up for ten minutes to recover before I drove off and that saved my life.

When he found out, the next day, I got the distinct feeling he'd have told everyone - including my kids - that it was my fault as I'd driven off "in a temper" (A remote country lane, and someone coming the other way skidded right across to the side of the road I'd have been on, and killed himself). They'd have thought that of me forever and he'd never have told them the truth. And he really seemed to enjoy the idea of being a single parent (martyred, maybe had pulling possibilities...) Totally emotionless, just a cool assessment of how he could get sympathy/money/screwed out of a situation. Even to the point he'd have made my kids think badly of me if something happened.

Oh and the first film he ever took our older kid to, was 'Finding Nemo'. I realised he loved it so much because the mother is conveniently wiped out in the first 5 minutes. Sadly his single dad fantasy never happened. Well, not sadly.

I thought that statistically everyone will have encountered a psychopath at some point in their life, but probably didn't realise it? I've met a lot of people who would score highly on the psychopathy scale but wouldn't murder/ haven't murdered anyone! They're not very pleasant to be around though...

my Ex neighbour. Was fine at first when he moved in, then one day everything changed and I was subjected to a barrage of silent, under the radar abuse that I could never prove as it was all 'circumstantial' according to the police.

I had petrol poured around my property and garden. Beheaded creatures bodies and heads thrown onto my patio. Revolting text to voice messages left on my landline. Car windows smashed, tyres slashed, my address and contact details given out to all manner of undesirables. Tried to run me over once as I walked along the street. He came at me, mounting the pavement and only just missed me as I managed to dived into a little gateway by the local school. Thankfully there were no children around.
He installed cctv with voice pickup, and though I couldn't prove it, he picked up conversations in my house. This I knew as 3 things happened to my property that related to 3 phone conversations I'd had in my house. He sprayed chemicals over the garden fence so that I couldn't enjoy the garden. Sometimes these things occurred 3-4 days in a row - other times there was nothing for weeks.

These are the things I can talk about - there were other incidents too.

He had worked in the emergency services and was mates with many of them after he retired, so of course my voice was never heard, or if it was, just ignored, disbelieved or laughed at.

I began to hallucinate. wake up in the night with loud bangs going off in my head. Vomit at the smell of petrol. Whispered in my own home and told visitors to do so too.
I never knew what kicked it off but just wanted him to stop. I didn't care if he never spoke to me again, but whatever it was that started it, his behaviour showed he was - and probably still is - a total bastard, paranoid psychopath

Five years from this starting, I moved.

that's awful Sixties, glad you got away

sounds more like psychosis than psychopathy Sixties?
but horrific none the less!

Pretty sure one of my tutors at uni was. Oxford law. Professor and v successful barrister. Nasty bastard. Demanding, degrading, mysoginistic, insanely intelligent. I wouldn't have described him as charming but I think he was to those deemed worthy of his charm if that makes sense (not his quivering undergrads).

Do psychopaths have to be extremely intelligent? If not then at least one colleague may have been one. He was totally brazen, totally ruthless, charming to the extent that a lot of people were taken in and seemed to fully believe he was as good a lawyer as he said he was. He was actually pretty dim but had carved out a comfy niche for himself. Maybe just a narcissist? Got several v capable colleagues fired. Awful person.

I'm not religious at all but a lot of clergymen strike me as total psychopaths - especially in the more holy rollery type churches here in NI. If you think about it being a pastor / minister puts you in an almost uniquely powerful position with regard to your flock.

Jus, watch the film 'Spotlight' with Mark Ruffalo. The Priests mentioned were definately psychopaths. (It won best picture oscar this year. )
My mil is narcissist, self absorbed and has complete lack of empathy for anything apart from animals. She had therapy for years, but nothing will ever change her.

Thanks MangoMoon and yes, it really did feel like I was escaping.

glassgarden oh no, no psychosis there. I would definitely define him as a psychopath as he completely knew what he was doing, it was totally deliberate.