MIL has offered to pay for all to go to Orlando. AIBU to say no?

[hairyfreckle]

MIL has offered for the whole family (me, DH, 2 kids, BIL SIL and their 4 kids plus MIL and FIL). Everything paid for- villa, flights, food over there. All we would need to pay for would be park tickets and personal money for shopping (hello outlet malls)

Anyway. I don't want to go (reasons why listed below). DH said I am being unreasonable and we can put up with her for 2 weeks. It probably isn't something we will be able to afford to do ourselves while the kids are young enough to be interested (already 11 and 9) but we will probably be able to go to Euro Disney in another year or so now I am working again.

MIL is very controlling in what she does- so the whole holiday will be decided by her. Where we go on what day, when we fly (i.e. if we could we would want to choose flights that get in at nighttime so the kids can go straight to bed when we get to the villa etc), what we eat etc. There is no disagreeing with her- if you do, she goes off in a sulk swearing saying how ungrateful we all are.

I don't have a good relationship with DHs family- DH is very easy going but his family are a bit snobish. All have/have had upper class careers and I work in a minimum wage job part time and have only returned to work this year. Apart from general chit chat we don't talk- we just have nothing in common. It would probably mean I go to bed early on while they sit and drink wine talking about hunting or whatever bollocks it is they are doing now.

DD2 gets homesick very easily. She can't even go to sleepovers 3/4 doors down without getting upset- it isn't because she wants me and DH, it's because she wants to be at home. She is very shy and anxious and honestly I think it would all be a bit overwhelming for her and someone (probably me) would end up staying at the villa with her watching films etc which we can do at home. I honestly can't see her interacting with the characters, going on rides etc. She will just cling to me or DH.

DH can turn into a nightmare when he is around PIL. I 100% understand they are his parents but he agrees with everything they say. If they tell him to do something with DDs (e.g. at Xmas time MIL said they could have Coke 1/2 hour before bed, I said no, MIL said yes and DH agreed with her because she was getting irate. I know it was a "special occasion" but it was already 9.30, we had more presents to wrap and I wanted to get to bed. He admitted to me he only did it to shut her up). He just can't stand up for himself. We argue everytime they visit/we go to visit which means we are both sulking for a day or two and MIL walks around looking smug. It would ruin everybody's holiday and isn't fair on DC and other family members.

I would suggest the DC go with DH- but they have done this before and MIL ended up getting DD2 into such a state I had to fly out and bring her home. She just doesn't understand how sensitive she is and she can be a crippling emotional bully.

AIBU?

You fan easily hire a car yourself, and schedule in a couple of days just with the kids, doing other things. Disney isn't the only thing in Orlando, afaik. Google to see what else might be fun to do. Or maybe you and dh could get an afternoon and evening alone together.

You have accepted, so I think much as it would be more fun for you to be in a separate villa as some have suggested, it would be the height of rudeness. Likewise disappearing for a few days to another location.

You either accept the offer on the table - paid for flights ( of a time of MILs choosing) and shared villa, or you don't go.

However the elements you pay for, you control. Therefore I'd go ahead once you know the dates of the flights and arrange your own car hire. Hopefully you will feel comfortable driving abroad as well as your DH as my next suggestion is that you take primary responsibility for DD2 whilst DH concentrates on DD1.

So that means covering the parks in a way that's enjoyable to her. For us that meant getting up as soon as we woke up around 6.00 and by the time we got to the various parks and got parked and to the entrance we'd be there for opening time at 8. Parks are much less busy at that time so you can cover loads in a couple of hours and it's blissfully crowd free. Then when it gets too much for DD2 you can bring her home.

Too early for Granny to get up? No problem you'll meet her there. Too early for everyone to go home when we've just started enjoying ourselves. No problem you'll just be taking DD2 home to enjoy the pool at the villa on your own but DD1 and DH will still be there. We all must have dinner at this fabulous restaurant at 8pm. No problem Granny , you make the booking ( she'll struggle to get anything booked for 12 unless you book in advance) and we'll turn up, the girls may get hungry earlier if so we'll give them a snack and you'll bring the car to take them home when they get tired. I'd focus on being as zen as possible about the stuff that doesn't really matter, so you can put your foot down if you see DD2 getting distressed, or if you've reached your limit.

Also as you're paying for them, you get control over which park tickets to buy. Disney is pretty non-negotiable and there's a 2 week ticket that's around £270 per adult I think which gets you access to all the Disney parks and two water parks. Universal is a bit cheaper, but for DD2 and yourself, you could just go with the Disney ones. If you find she really wants to go there when you're there, from memory if you just go for the day then it's a little cheaper than the UK fortnight ticket.

There are other parks you can do as well - Busch gardens, the sea life one, but it all bumps up the cost and there's a limit too how many theme parks one family can see. Therefore I'd suggest not doing those. Kennedy Space Centre is good, but a bit of a drive, DH loved it DS was not so enamoured.

As others have said an Orlando holiday requires a bit of planning, particularly if your DDs are not tall enough to do all the rides. I found the Brits guide to Orlando a lot easier to digest than the Dibb and it talks you through fast passes etc. Your girls may enjoy a character meal which again has to be booked in advance.

At the end of the day hopefully both DDs should have a good time and you can focus on a relative free next holiday.

I would go and then do my own thing with the kids. Try to ignore her or be "too busy". My youngest son gets homesick too but no so much when I am there.
What's the worst that could happen?
You won't be stuck in the villa all day so it is easy to be busy and active.
Some people are different on holiday aswell. If not, then let her moan.
If there's loads of other people there aswell she might not even bother with you that much.

I mean for your mum inlaw not your daughter

I would go and give her the benefit of the doubt and make up my mind to have a fun time. I'm sure you can put your differences aside for a couple of weeks and just enjoy the holiday. If their cousins are going too your kids really will feel like they are missing out if you stay home. Even if you take the odd day off to chill at the villa, then you can still enjoy the florida sunshine.
Take the opportunity for the odd day out doing your own thing too- if you are staying outside of the parks you might well have a couple of hire cars to get about so decide to do something different some days. I would take the gift generously offered and just choose to have fun!

My mil paid for our family of 5 to go to center Parcs with her. It was the worst holiday ever. I'd been able to hold my tongue for 15 years of her being manipulative & unkind to me but the holiday bought the worst out in me-& her. So there I was, looking like crazy lady, swearing at an old lady of 80 in her wheelchair. I still can't believe I did that. I did apologise but would NEVER recommend going away with family that you find hard to get along with-especially as far as the USA!

It's certainly a dilemma, hairy freckle, you know what they say - there's no such thing as a free lunch. If you and in-laws really don't get on it's going to be difficult to 'smile and wave' for an entire fortnight. Taking it by and large it sounds like a lovely opportunity but ultimately only you can decide if it's worth the aggravation.

Are people are more important than places? Personally I think so and two weeks with the wrong people could be a nightmare. Ultimately how would your anxious child cope with it? Does she have a good relationship with Granny? Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Are you truly bothered by your MIL?
My MIL was openly hostile to me for years (usually when DH wasn't around)
I felt I was the bigger person for not rising to the bait and I used to ignore all the sly digs etc as I really didn't care about her approval or disapproval.

It is a truly incredible offer and a generous gesture, it would be churlish to refuse. Surely you can make yourself a gameplan of letting MIL rule the roost for 2 weeks, can you decide to let it not bother you, take a load of good books so that you can retire "tired" if the evening socialising gets to much. My guess is that people will be too tired after days at theme parks etc to do much "talking"
I think for the sake of your Dd's and Dh you should grin and bear it and learn to let any unpleasantness wash over you.

I think yabu, it's a very generous offer and the way you speak about them makes it sound as much like you are the problem as they are. Why not ask your children? I can't see any child refusing a two week trip to Florida and Disney. I think it would be selfish on your part to deny them the opportunity. I have been to euro Disney, and as good as it is, it's not a patch on Orlando.

Don't do it! Before we had kids, we took up the offer of a free holiday to Ireland with the in-laws. Ferry/driving and self-catering cottages. Nightmare. FIL would not let anyone else drive and got over-tired and road-ragey ALL the time. Dictated everywhere we went and everything we did. MIL would not let us cook and dictated what we ate ALL the time. My idea of a holiday is to go with the flow, experience local culture and cusines and go out for nice meals. Theirs was to take a flask and sandwiches everywhere 'to save money'. Before we went, we were told that they just wanted to relax in the cottage/walk and we could have the car to go off on our own for daytrips. As soon as we announced what we had planned for each day, they came too!

After 2 days I rebelled and said, 'you take sandwiches if you want to. I'm eating out'! As soon as I went into some charming little cafe for a decent lunch, they abandoned the sandwiches and followed us in.
We had our first wedding anniversary while away, and I had spotted a lovely restaurant with a river terrace. I pre-warned them and said (nicely) that we would really like to celebrate our 1st anniversary with a romantic dinner ON OUR OWN and could we borrow the car. At the moment we were due to leave, FIL jumped up and said 'Sod it...we'll go out for dinner, too!'. 'Not with us' I said firmly. We want to spend some time on our own. He got all sulky and said fine, they'd go somewhere else. When we got to the town, he drove straight past the pretty restaurant we'd decided on and said 'oh that looks too expensive'. There are some nice pubs further on'. Despite asking to be dropped off, he carried on and wouldn't let us out. We ended up in a pub several miles away. He was too mean to eat in the restaurant and ordered chicken-in-a-basket at the bar for himself and MIL, so at least we had an hour to ourselves in the restaurant.Then they came and plonked themselves down and said 'haven't you finished yet? We want to go home now'. Seething does not begin to describe it....
In week 2 I took MIL to one side and said if we didn't get a day to ourselves I would go batty, so we did actually get to drop them off somewhere and arrange to pick them up on our way back. There was a moment when FIL said 'or we could just come along with you today' but I think the murderous rage that flitted across my face gave him the clue and he quickly jumped out!
If you know that you are going to bump heads with your MIL, just don't do it. It's not worth 2 weeks of abject misery....even if the surroundings are pretty!

I don't think you Abu but if you did decide to go could you passive aggressively lay the ground rules ? Things like "awwww I'd love to take you up on your offer but myself and dd get a bit overwhelmed being around people and we'd probably need a separate villa and quite a few days just the four of us and that might seem rude to you since you are paying so we will say no, but really appreciate your generous offer" so that if she persists you've stated you will be having family time and not having to be together so much?

Go! Act a little psycho the first day so they can avoid you like the plague the rest of the trip.

Raqs that sounds awful. I think ops family will have to have their own car and the family can sulk as much as they want but as long as op/dh hold keys they can escape. I imagine you were young when this happened. Had I been in that situation (at my age now - not as a newly wed) I would have ordered a taxi to take me to a car hire firm - unless it was that far from civilisation. I would try everything not to be controlled by others these days.