MIL has offered to pay for all to go to Orlando. AIBU to say no?

[hairyfreckle]

MIL has offered for the whole family (me, DH, 2 kids, BIL SIL and their 4 kids plus MIL and FIL). Everything paid for- villa, flights, food over there. All we would need to pay for would be park tickets and personal money for shopping (hello outlet malls)

Anyway. I don't want to go (reasons why listed below). DH said I am being unreasonable and we can put up with her for 2 weeks. It probably isn't something we will be able to afford to do ourselves while the kids are young enough to be interested (already 11 and 9) but we will probably be able to go to Euro Disney in another year or so now I am working again.

MIL is very controlling in what she does- so the whole holiday will be decided by her. Where we go on what day, when we fly (i.e. if we could we would want to choose flights that get in at nighttime so the kids can go straight to bed when we get to the villa etc), what we eat etc. There is no disagreeing with her- if you do, she goes off in a sulk swearing saying how ungrateful we all are.

I don't have a good relationship with DHs family- DH is very easy going but his family are a bit snobish. All have/have had upper class careers and I work in a minimum wage job part time and have only returned to work this year. Apart from general chit chat we don't talk- we just have nothing in common. It would probably mean I go to bed early on while they sit and drink wine talking about hunting or whatever bollocks it is they are doing now.

DD2 gets homesick very easily. She can't even go to sleepovers 3/4 doors down without getting upset- it isn't because she wants me and DH, it's because she wants to be at home. She is very shy and anxious and honestly I think it would all be a bit overwhelming for her and someone (probably me) would end up staying at the villa with her watching films etc which we can do at home. I honestly can't see her interacting with the characters, going on rides etc. She will just cling to me or DH.

DH can turn into a nightmare when he is around PIL. I 100% understand they are his parents but he agrees with everything they say. If they tell him to do something with DDs (e.g. at Xmas time MIL said they could have Coke 1/2 hour before bed, I said no, MIL said yes and DH agreed with her because she was getting irate. I know it was a "special occasion" but it was already 9.30, we had more presents to wrap and I wanted to get to bed. He admitted to me he only did it to shut her up). He just can't stand up for himself. We argue everytime they visit/we go to visit which means we are both sulking for a day or two and MIL walks around looking smug. It would ruin everybody's holiday and isn't fair on DC and other family members.

I would suggest the DC go with DH- but they have done this before and MIL ended up getting DD2 into such a state I had to fly out and bring her home. She just doesn't understand how sensitive she is and she can be a crippling emotional bully.

AIBU?

Hire separate cars would be my recommendation. It gaves us the freedom of being with family but the choice of lie ins and early leaving or vice versa.

You've made the right choice op - I hope you enjoy (some!) of it.

Separate cars are a necessity.

Definitely early starts are the best way for DD2 - parks are less crowded, less chance for her to get overwhelmed and means you can leave on your schedule. Make sure you're a named driver even if you don't want to be, that way you can scoot off with DD2 if things get too busy/overwhelming.

I haven't read the whole thread but I wonder if you've been before. You mention having to "fly out" to get DD2 back. What ages are your children. One of my sons and dil with 2 kids 10 and 6 went last year. They loved it but found it really tiring and needed to stay in the villa on alternate days because of the heat and how tired the kids were. They were able to hire a sort of buggy thing that the kids could ride on (like an adult push chair) but they were walking 15 klms a day! I don't know when you're going but they went in June and it was incredibly hot.

Sorry if all this has been covered but they did lots of planning before they went about which parks they wanted to go on etc.

Blime me your MIL must be loaded to pay for all that many people. Has she won the lottery?!

Good luck with it, OP.

FWIW, the real "holidays of a lifetime" are those where the people involved are happy to be together.

Two weeks of someone else deciding where we go and what we eat and doing all the 'organising' as well as paying sounds like bliss to me! I think that they are probably only offering to pay as know there is no way in hell you would go otherwise. Let your children decide as really it's a holiday for them!

What does your DH want to do? Does he get a say?? I know about tough in-laws but if your DH wants to go I think YABU.

I also don't think you're doing your DD any favors by letting her avoid being away from home. Obviously I wouldn't send her away without you, but this is absolutely the safest way to get her out of her comfort zone in a way that could be incredibly good for her. Her entire family will be there and she's gojnh to a place that she is dying to go. She will have fun, even if she has moments of homesickness. For that reason alone you should let her have the opportunity to expand her horizons in a safe way. Of course, you can easily ruin that if you play into her fears and subconsciously kind of hope she doesn't love it -- not that you'd want your child to have a hard time of course, but you also sound pretty invested in being right, and that can cloud anyone's judgment.

Without being rude have you seen the price of park tickets? Its about 595 for an adult for 2 weeks and 550 for kids. So over 2k for you all cant you play on not being able to afford the park tickets?

On several occasions we did the parks later in the afternoons/ iinto the evening after spending the day lounging around the pool, as quite a few people leave then (the ones who've been there since sparrow-fart) especially those with very young children, while your DDs are old enough to stay up late.

And don't go to the big parks every single day in any case, it's exhausting! There are really loads and loads of other things to do as well as Disnry.
And yes, get your own car -- otherwise you'll have no option other than going everywhere mob-handed in a people carrier or minivan.

Have fun, I'm a bit of a helicopter parent too, but I'm working on the appearing to be awfully casual while actually circling overhead!

Have some set phrases you repeat like a broken record when she tries to interfere.

Great advice from boys and ollie

Especially So now is your chance to stand up to your mil, so you all have a nice time. and can you get your dh to stick up for you, you've agreed to go, hopefully with the proviso that he sticks up for you!

Yes to:
"Warn your dds beforehand that grandma is not in charge here, you are."
and
"Tell dh that you need time away from his family while you are there with the dds."

And remember it's boiling so don't let the heat get the better or any of you!

Have fun

YABVU. This is an amazing chance for your DC to spend special time with their GP, cousins etc. You need to put your feelings aside and tolerate it for the sake of your DC the way many of us do.

The GP won't be around forever and this sounds like a lovely gesture.

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. We have taken PIL's up on the offer of a similar holiday for next year. SIL, BIL and their kids are also going. I have a very difficult relationship with DH's family and am absolutely dreading it as it will no doubt involve two weeks of FIL being controlling and bossy, MIL complaining that nothing meets her impossible standards and SIL and BIL undermining our parenting and doling out lots of unsolicited advice as to how we should be bringing up our DD while their own kids run riot.

But I have decided to suck it up and go for a number of reasons. Firstly, it means a lot to DH. He is not particularly close to his parents (not for lack of trying on his part) and he is not oblivious to their faults but they are his family and he loves them. Also, we have been on holiday with members of my family a few times so it seems only fair. DD will have a great time on the holiday, which is somewhere we could not afford to take her ourselves, and I am hoping that seeing her enjoying herself will outweigh any irritation I feel with my in laws or at least make it more bearable! Lastly, FIL is getting on in years and has had some health issues recently and while he and I will never see eye to eye, I don't want to deny him this opportunity to do something nice for his children and GC's while he is still well enough to do so.

It's two weeks out of my life and I keep telling myself, you can cope with anything for two weeks!

If you're going, stop worrying in advance about DD2 not enjoying it. Just pay it by ear. And don;t underestimate the phenomenal power of Disney. We took DC to Euro Disney at Christmas when they were six, and it was freezing. I expected them to whine about the cold within minutes every day but they never mentioned it once, they were so excited. We didn't get a single melt down.

I wonder what the replies would be like if it were a fortnight in Butlins

Life is short, take her up on the offer.

Once there put your big girl pants on and suit yourself regarding outings.

YABVU. This is an amazing chance for your DC to spend special time with their GP, cousins etc. You need to put your feelings aside and tolerate it for the sake of your DC the way many of us do.

yeah, but 2 weeks?? That is a long time to tolerate/put feelings aside and suck it up. even if many of you are doing the same. It is also a lot of holiday time to use up. I agree the OP might want to suck it up and have as good a time as possible in this case - it is most likely a holiday that her kids will remember forever but still - 2 weeks with extended family doing what someone else wants is hard and well worth a second thought.

My own dh couldn't do it - with his own family or mine and we all get on really well. he would find it really really hard to be in a group for 2 weeks. I wouldn't make him do it and wouldn't think him unreasonable to say no.

I also think

1. disney is overrated as a holiday. I don't get the attraction to be honest. It is hard work.

1. extended family holidays with everyone together are overrated too. 3 or 4 days together is ideal. Long holidays together are great too-if you are living in separate houses in the same tourist area so you have some independence and relief from the group.

but that is just me.

I think you should ask DD if she'd like to go - and if she says yes then go, if she says no (I doubt she will if you don't manipulate the response) then send DH with DS.
I think you just don't like them and are using your daughter as an excuse. I can relate to that as I can't stand my MIL but I think you should go for your children.

You are NOT being unreasonable. Sounds like hell. Kids don't need Disney World. I never went (despite pleading with my parents to take me) and I turned out fine. In fact my favourite holiday memories took place within this country. Don't let her control you all with her money.

It is a holiday of a lifetime for your children, can you not put up with them for that length of time so your children can have a wonderful time?

Why don't people's read the OP's posts before posting? She's only made 3

I wouldn't go. I've been on holiday with my inlaws for two weeks and I am never doing it again. It was shit. I wouldn't care if they offered to fly me to the moon with champagne all the way. No thanks, you are a bunch of weirdos and I don't like any of you.

This is about your kids having a wonderful holiday experience, not you.

Ok you have decided to go. In order for it to be a success you need some ground rules.

Your family needs some independence therefore own car is an essential.
Make sure PIL know that you have to go at your kids paces.
You need time to yourselves. MIL can't always be the one to ride with the kids. Many rides take 2 or 3 people.
My DC is younger but if we want to see the fireworks we opt for a lazy morning. And a lazy morning the day after which means again seeing the late show in another park or go to the water parks.
Make sure you know Exactly what PIL are paying for, airfares, accommodation, park tickets, assuming you are self-catering how are food bills being split? Assuming you hire your own car remember parking at WDW is about $15 per day.

Make sure you plan and think through what you and kids want, they might prefer other parks (Universal) to Disney.

My MIL keeps hinting about wanting to come with us but really I think she would be completely overbearing thankfully DH agrees that it isn't happening.

Just got to the end of the tread, your going! Woohoo!

I think you're making a mistake, OP, but I imagine you're under a lot of pressure from your DH, as well as the pressure from lots of people who clearly have no idea what toxic families are like on here.

At the very least, you and your DH should read the toxic in laws and toxic parents books and agree some boundaries and ground rules before you go.