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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with my brother

371 replies

loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:06

My brother has been with his now wife for 8 years,they have a child together,we barely see him even though we don't live far,by we I mean myself and my siblings and also my parents,He has just phoned to tell us that him and his now wife have just gone off and got married without telling any of us,im fuming,but he doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong

OP posts:
AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 19/05/2016 11:08

He hasn't done anything wrong.

Imnotaslimjim · 19/05/2016 11:09

What has he "done wrong"? So you missed out on a party! If I could have gone off and just done it without input from anyone else I would have done!

Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 11:10

He hasn't done anything wrong.
He's got married, some people do not want a big wedding and what's wrong with that.
Me and dh got married in San Francisco with just baby ds.

EatShitDerek · 19/05/2016 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:11

hes gone and got married with none of us there

OP posts:
ChronicNameChangerz · 19/05/2016 11:11

What's he done wrong?

ChronicNameChangerz · 19/05/2016 11:12

X-post

So, isn't it up to him how, when, why and to whom he gets married?

Tiggeryoubastard · 19/05/2016 11:12

Fuming? If that's what you're like no wonder you're not close and he got married before telling you. Think I'd avoid you as well.

RosaBee · 19/05/2016 11:12

He's done exactly what he and his wife wanted, what's wrong with that? it is their day after all.

EatShitDerek · 19/05/2016 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 11:12

So you missed out on a party? Maybe grow up!

He's got married. His happy. Who cares who wasn't there

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:13

because none of us knew about it until he phoned to tell us,my mum and dad are upset cos they didn't get to see their son get married

OP posts:
Clandestino · 19/05/2016 11:13

hes gone and got married with none of us there

Could it be that your irritation and the fact that you are "fuming" is the reason he doesn't want to have much contact with you and got married without you knowing about it?

ThatsMyStapler · 19/05/2016 11:13

He's got married in private, again, what has he done wrong?

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/05/2016 11:13

He's done absolutely nothing wrong. His wedding is about the two of them, not you.

You need to get over yourself.

ChronicNameChangerz · 19/05/2016 11:13

we barely see him This is important. You're obviously not close. Perhaps he didn't want to invite, spend the day with and pay for dinner for people he's not particularly close to. Not unreasonable at all.

Lumpylumperson · 19/05/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatildaTheCat · 19/05/2016 11:13

Well you are upset but he obviously had his own reasons for doing that. It's not an oversight like forgetting a birthday or buying the wrong present.

Sadly for you they didn't want you or your family there. Do you really have no idea why? I'm not being snippy, genuinely interested.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:14

Have you thought about why he might not have wanted you there? Maybe they couldn't afford a big event and decided to do it quietly?

Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 11:14

I still don't see what all the fuss is about.

Two people that love each other got married.

enjoyingscience · 19/05/2016 11:14

Nobody has a right to watch someone get married. What a weird idea!

You might want to have a think about why he felt doing it alone is preferable to doing it with you there...

Congratulate him and send him a present.

Kwirrell · 19/05/2016 11:15

Family obligation/duty is very subjective. Some, like your brother, believe that once you are an adult it is acceptable to cut ties with their birth family.

Others, probably like yourself, feel that family is important. There is no right or wrong, just personal choice.

If you are asking are you right to be furious, then my answer would be no. You should allow him to make his own decisions.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:15

not fussed about the party,just the fact that hes gone and done it without telling us,he could have at least had my parents there

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 11:15

Yes to this Nobody has a right to watch someone get married. What a weird idea!

OurBlanche · 19/05/2016 11:15

I think your reaction is a tad loopy, Looloo!

If you are all furious with him for this then I am not surprised he did it, or that he chose to tell you via a phone call.

I could understand feeling sad to have missed it, but fuming is a bit much.

Why aren't you all happy for him?

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