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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with my brother

371 replies

loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:06

My brother has been with his now wife for 8 years,they have a child together,we barely see him even though we don't live far,by we I mean myself and my siblings and also my parents,He has just phoned to tell us that him and his now wife have just gone off and got married without telling any of us,im fuming,but he doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 19/05/2016 11:16

He clearly didn't want any of his family there and that is his and his now wife's choice. You are obviously not close, I could understand you being a bit sad and upset but not fuming.

Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 11:17

His your brother just get over it, and congratulate him.

You say it your first post that you hardly see him, so your not overly close. There will be lots of reasons why they married this way, totally there choice to make.

CocktailQueen · 19/05/2016 11:17

But you say you never see him, so you're obviously not close. He doesn't see much of your parents either.

I can understand that you're hurt by this, but if you're not close then perhaps he just preferred a quiet wedding? Did his wife's family go, or was it just the two of them?

Paulat2112 · 19/05/2016 11:17

If you aren't close why would he want you there? Do you make any effort to see him? I didn't want people who I wasn't close with at my wedding.

cocochanel21 · 19/05/2016 11:18

He hasn't done anything wrong.

That's exactly what we did.

Went on holiday with the dcs and came back Married.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:18

we used to be close,the rest of us are,its just him who is now not close with us anymore

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:18

I don't think the OP does feel family is important, kwirrell.

She says herself they're not close - she's just annoyed he made a decision that didn't involve her and her parents.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:19

maybe fuming is the wrong word,upset and shocked

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:19

the rest of us are,its just him who is now not close with us anymore

I can see why he's done what he's done then.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/05/2016 11:20

He hasn't done anything wrong.

YABVVVVU.

You have the right to be upset and sad that none of the family were there but furious, no. You don't have the right to be furious about what he and his wife, your SIL, have done. They have suited themselves and done things how they wanted it to be done. For them. It's their marriage. It's their wedding.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:20

they had 2 witnesses who are his wifes family,but most of her family were also left out

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 19/05/2016 11:20

So not furious, not fuming...

Upset and shocked. Both of which are wholly understandable.

Have you congratulated them, sent a card, or anything?

SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:21

So are you going to congratulate him, OP?

snorepatrol · 19/05/2016 11:21

I'm sorry you feel upset you've missed out.
For perspective I'm close to my brother and he did this as his now wife was painfully shy.

I wasn't 'furious' with him I was so happy for him as it was his decision to make.
I think my parents may have been upset that they missed seeing him get married but they never showed it or mention it.

I get the impression there is more to this though.
You said he lives close but you rarely see him.
So I guess you're not close and your furious rather than happy for him. Si I'm assuming you must have told him your feelings as you say he thinks he's done nothing wrong.

I think you need to chill out congratulate him and move on. It's done now, so no point being furious about it.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/05/2016 11:22

BTW, what he has done is called eloping. Not wrong at all.

Friolero · 19/05/2016 11:22

I'd have been disappointed if my brother had got married without me & my parents there, so I can see where you're coming from. Ultimately though, it's their decision and their right to get married on their own, if that's what they want.

roarfeckingroar · 19/05/2016 11:22

I can somehow imagine one of the reasons he and his DW made that choice. Good on them/

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:25

we were all close,i am still close with the rest of my family,we try and make an effort with him,he had a falling out with one of my siblings,since then he isn't close with any of us

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:26

I'd have been disappointed if it was my brother but then I'm close to him whereas the OP isn't close to hers.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:27

What do you do to "make an effort with him", OP?

AppleSetsSail · 19/05/2016 11:27

If you're not close, a teeny ceremony would logically exclude you. I'd be hurt but not furious.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:28

I have only found out today so no haven't congratulated him yet,he phoned my mum to tell her so not sure if he will want to phone me to tell me himself

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 19/05/2016 11:28

Ah! Loopy, the way you write that says a lot.

he had a falling out with one of my siblings

You talk about him as if he isn't quite family.

He has only eloped, lots of people do it, it is quite romantic. Everything else is beside the point, happened before they eloped and is still happening after it.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/05/2016 11:29

One thing you could do to make an effort with him is to phone and congratulate him.

Why wouldn't you?

t4gnut · 19/05/2016 11:30

His wedding. His decision. Clearly he didn't want a lot of fuss and family drama.

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