Mother in law & granddaughter's periods

[clare21]

My mother in law has asked twice if our 12 year old daughter's periods have started. Both times on the phone, both time I have dodged it. Last night I said DD would be mortified if she thought we were talking about her and suggested we left it. I don't really think it's any of her business. I am probably being over sensitive but why should I share puberty intricacies....

Have you asked her why she wants to know ?

I think some adults forget how embarrassing and private periods are for many teenagers. I would tell her that that your daughter would prefer others don't know about her periods.

"That's her business. Would you like me to be asking you questions about your ancient fanny?"

Maybe not the fanny thing but it's a rudely nosey question to ask and for absolutely no reason as far as I can see. Why on earth would she want to know that? It's a bit odd.

I'm surprised at the people who are just telling you to tell her to buzz off, essentially. This is a weird question: so weird that I think there might be something behind it besides nosiness. I wonder whether the women in her family have had some sort of puberty or gynaecological problems in the past, and she's concerned that they're genetic, but reluctant to tell you about them. I would ask why she wants to know: but in a gentle, genuine way, not as a way of telling her to mind her own beeswax!

Maybe she's eager to throw a first moon party?
m.youtube.com/watch?v=NEcZmT0fiNM

I still remember my friend coming into school and telling us that her grandparents had bought her a bouquet of flowers because she had started her periods. I was mortified. When I had started mine I had begged my mother not to even tell my father. She was really pleased about it (although I was 12 when I started, she was 15). Some families are big sharers about these kind of things. Thankfully, mine aren't.

This has brought back the mortifying memory of my DM phoning my DF (they were divorced) and telling him that "something biological has happened to fizzy". I was 12, and I prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me.

Sorry, that's no help to you OP. I agree with PPs who have suggested asking why she is so keen to know.

Depends on the context. Did she ask in close succession or months apart? Is she quite nosy in general? In any case you've let her know the topic is off limits so if she does bring it up again then she is BU, but if respected then all's well

Oh dear
Why does she need to know?!
My mother was getting her nails done by a mobile beautician in our house, and just blurted out "Ohhh Eggy joined the world of the women today!". I was so mortified
I think sometimes adults forget just how crazy embarrassing it is to be a pre-teen/teenager going through puberty!!

How did she react to you saying dd would be mortified?

Maybe she's been watching Game Of Thrones and thinks it's a totally reasonable question to ask a teen/pre-teen girl?

One of my Grans used to ask regularly, and it was mortifying. She was just a very nosey person.

Or she might need virgin menstrual blood for some kind of witch craft.

Ask her.

Tell her its not something you want to discuss and to look after her own derelict froo froo

You are right to dodge the question. Your daughter starting her period (when she does/did) is not even your 'news' to share, in my opinion, even if you felt comfortable doing so.

I'd have been mortified if my Mum had told my grandparents. Like LovelyBranches I too begged my Mum not to even tell my Dad when I started my periods. Not for any reason other than I was a bit shy and liked my privacy. In fact I only even told my Mum because I'd be needing more sanitary towels soon.

Really weird - unless your DD stays at her grandmothers a lot? Day visits or overnight? Perhaps in her own way she is just trying to be prepared, but in that case she could just stock up without needing to know for certain (sanitary products aren't exactly perishable!)

Joffrey

Is it an intricacy?

It's a normal bodily function that happens to half the world on a monthly basis. Maybe she just doesn't think talking about it is a big deal.

Meh.

'Derelict froo froo'
'Ancient fanny'

Some posters are disgusting.

I don't think it is all that strange, and some of the comments on here are much more weird! Maybe she's just nosy/interested. Asked her why she wants to know and tell her Dd would be to embarrassed for you to discuss it.

If she persists after that, then she's weird!

Wow! derelict and ancient froo froo/fanny?! How misogynist. I see the menstrual taboo is still alive and well too!