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Original poster

Mother in law & granddaughter's periods

201 replies

clare21 · 09/05/2016 18:56

My mother in law has asked twice if our 12 year old daughter's periods have started. Both times on the phone, both time I have dodged it. Last night I said DD would be mortified if she thought we were talking about her and suggested we left it. I don't really think it's any of her business. I am probably being over sensitive but why should I share puberty intricacies....

OP posts:
LotsOfShoes · 09/05/2016 20:16

Not that weird. It's a very big milestone in a young girl's life and the girl's grandmother is probably concerned for her. And it's nothing to be ashamed of either. Maybe in MIL's family these thinggs are discussed more openly (as in mine tbh). All the MIL bashing here is pretty horrible. Also, this is the girl's grandmother, not just anyone off the street.

PacificDogwod · 09/05/2016 20:16

Mine has stopped about 4 months ago btw - my ancient fanny is doing just fine.
I do have about 4 months of sanpro to give away though Grin

BonerSibary · 09/05/2016 20:17

Agree with poster upthread she may have a reason for asking. If she broaches it again, I'd ask if there's some medical issue. Could be the women on her side have menstrual or gynaecological problems she hasn't wanted to discuss previously. MIL and I are quite happy discussing things like this anyway, but if we weren't I'd still want to know about family history of gynae problems that might affect my daughter.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/05/2016 20:18

Fair play, Portia.

My ex-sil was in sight denial about her child growing up. I remember asking her a couple of gentle (not remotely intimate, mind) questions that were intended as kind nudges. Might your mil be attempting similar, op?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2016 20:18

Ive got an ancient one and the comment didn't bother me.

And personal information is just that personal, it's seriously rude to ask unless you are totally certain the person concerned wouldnt object and even then you should wait until it's offered

paxillin · 09/05/2016 20:19

I know 12 year olds can be a bit coy about this, but why are you, a grown woman?

It's just granny asking about puberty. Much like granny asking if she's walking yet 11 years ago or how is the reading going 7 years ago.

BreakfastLunchPasta · 09/05/2016 20:19

Shock horror, a grandmother interested in her granddaughter's life?! Jeez, what a weirdo.
She's just interested, are people not allowed to be nosy about their own relatives? Unless you think she's trying to arrange an early marriage I wouldn't read anything sinister into it. Not so sure about the nasty ageist comments though

NerrSnerr · 09/05/2016 20:20

If there's a reason she wants to know (bad periods in the family) she can just tell the OP for information. I personally would have hated it if my mum had told my Nan I had started my period. I was insanely shy about it. I'm not now, but I needed it to be private as a teen.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2016 20:21

Even if there is some type of related health condition that the grandmother didn't want to raise before,

Why is it ok for the grandmother to not be compleatly open about the topic but not the child (via her parent)

Gwenhwyfar · 09/05/2016 20:21

"And personal information is just that personal, it's seriously rude to ask"

I really don't think it's healthy to pass on the message that talking about periods is rude.

Pixienott0005 · 09/05/2016 20:22

I don't think it's weird to ask you. If you've dodged the question before then she still doesn't have the answer hence her asking again. It sounds like normal curious chit chat to be honest. Obviously if she asks you each month 'has she started her period yet?' then I'd be a bit freaked out by that and would want to know why she gives that much of a hoot.

ollieplimsoles · 09/05/2016 20:22

Yuck, gross thing to ask, I would be mortified if my mum had told my grandparents...

UmbongoUnchained · 09/05/2016 20:22

I have heard of people buying gifts for girls when they start their periods like ear rings or a necklace. Maybe that's why?

FlowersAndShit · 09/05/2016 20:22

"That's her business. Would you like me to be asking you questions about your ancient fanny?"

Vardyparty · 09/05/2016 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlowersAndShit · 09/05/2016 20:23

and

Would anyone phone up and ask if their grandson had had his first wet dream?

Have me fucking DYING Grin

FutureGadgetsLab · 09/05/2016 20:23

While there shouldn't be a taboo around periods, it's not really for anyone to talk about but the young lady who's periods they are is it?

OutToGetYou · 09/05/2016 20:24

Well, it's all about context isn't it? My friend was telling me about her 12yo daughter's rages recently and I asked if her periods had started because I thought it was useful information to the discussion.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2016 20:24

I know 12 year olds can be a bit coy about this, but why are you, a grown woman

The information is the 12yo's personal private health related information it is not the op's information to give.

And everybody has the right to keep personal things private.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/05/2016 20:24

"Yuck, gross thing to ask,"

Gross? Really? Are you 12 yourself??

NerrSnerr · 09/05/2016 20:24

And do grandparents need to know whether a teen has started her periods if she comes to stay? Just make sure there's a bin in the bathroom and you can keep a bag of pads in the bathroom if you're concerned they might be caught short.

Bluelilies · 09/05/2016 20:25

I told my DM when DD started. It was just something a little bit exciting about her growing up that was nice to share. I'd trust her to have the tact not to quiz DD directly about it. I'm not with DD's dad so the MIL relationship is a bit different, but if we chatted regularly about the kids I wouldn't find it an odd topic to discuss

Owllady · 09/05/2016 20:25

I don't think it's an outrageous thing to ask either Confused

gunting · 09/05/2016 20:26

Why would she care? It has nothing to do with her

cinnamonorange · 09/05/2016 20:27

My parents were super excited about my new bodily function and gave me an expensive piece of jewellery. I wore it to school the next day and was quite surprised when my friends gave me the cat's bum face when I explained matters to them. Blush

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