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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law & granddaughter's periods

201 replies

clare21 · 09/05/2016 18:56

My mother in law has asked twice if our 12 year old daughter's periods have started. Both times on the phone, both time I have dodged it. Last night I said DD would be mortified if she thought we were talking about her and suggested we left it. I don't really think it's any of her business. I am probably being over sensitive but why should I share puberty intricacies....

OP posts:
Becky546 · 09/05/2016 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucilleBluth · 09/05/2016 19:48

The misogyny and ageism is painful. I'm cringing.

Vardyparty · 09/05/2016 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/05/2016 19:50

Does your MIL have your DD over for sleepovers? Maybe she wants to be prepared to have some pads/tampons stocked?

NannawifeofBaldr · 09/05/2016 19:52

I actually don't think it's that weird a question. I can imagine my Mum asking conversationally and I'm pretty sure she'd have mentioned it quietly to her Mum when I started , although not her MIL now that I think about it.

If you feel that your DD wouldn't want the info shared just say that. "DD is very private and would prefer I don't discuss that."

MargotLovedTom · 09/05/2016 19:52

I don't think it's a particularly outrageous thing to ask really.

MissPronounced · 09/05/2016 19:53

But, SaucyJack, just because something's natural doesn't make it anybody else's business. And doesn't mean that everybody else should feel as comfortable as you (general 'you') do about discussing it.

It's totally fine to say "that's a bit personal", or "I'm not comfortable talking about that", or "it's not my business to talk about".

Anyway, hopefully in the case of the OP, her MIL will have got the hint after asking twice.

dementedpixie · 09/05/2016 19:55

Could you not just say yes or no as to whether she has started and then end the topic of conversation

nomoreintimacyever · 09/05/2016 19:56

Shes just asking a question about her granddaughter. No need to be so snotty about it. and the ancient fanny remark is fucking horrible

^ this

soapboxqueen · 09/05/2016 19:57

I can't imagine (GoT, witchcraft aside) why she would want or need to know. It is your dd's personal business.

Would anyone phone up and ask if their grandson had had his first wet dream?

If individuals feel comfortable talking about it, great! However you can't force others into it. Especially young teenagers.

bakeoffcake · 09/05/2016 19:58

It depends On the context and also on why she wants to know.

Just ask her.

SpookyRachel · 09/05/2016 19:59

I think it is completely natural to want to know if your granddaughter has started her periods. Though it IS personal, and I would expect her to back off if asked.

The ancient/derelict fanny stuff is revolting and deeply sexist. Why should I consider my post-menopausal fanny 'derelict' exactly? Meaning that because I can't reproduce there's something pointless and disgusting about it and about me?

LineyReborn · 09/05/2016 20:00

Maybe DD stays overnight at MiL's and it's relevant? Maybe she doesn't and it's not.

But yes the casual ageist misogyny is a bit grim tbh.

NeedACleverNN · 09/05/2016 20:01

It is a bit odd to ask..especially since it's your Dd's business not yours or hers.

Can you ask nicely?

E.g. You'll have to ask Dd as its her body but please remember it might be a bit embarrassing for her

selsigfach · 09/05/2016 20:02

I was at my parents last week and they watch Emmerdale. In it, a girl had just started her period. Could it be that they watch it and thought of your daughter? Clutching at straws here! Bit of an odd question to ask and none of their business.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 09/05/2016 20:03

'Ancient fanny' and 'derelict froo froo'! I can only assume that DoomGloomandKaboom and PortiaCastis are extremely young and callow, and don't yet understand that a woman can be a mother-in-law and [brace yourselves] sexually active. She's quite possibly still menstruating herself!

One day you two will be 40+ and will wince to think of the idiocies you have committed to the screen today.

FutureGadgetsLab · 09/05/2016 20:04

I thought the ancient fanny remark was funny, some people have taken it very personally Hmm

I'd ask her why she wants to know.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/05/2016 20:08

She's asked twice - this hardly indicates an obsession! Maybe she remembers how dreadful periods can be when you're very young and is concerned (heaven forbid a grandparent might enquire about their grandchild's well-being). Maybe she's bizarrely competitive about how advanced her granddaughter is. Who knows?

The ageist, misogynistic comments here are fucking appalling.

motherinferior · 09/05/2016 20:11

Oddly enough no, I don't find that sort of remark amusing. What with my own ancient fanny and all.

Nor do I think it's a particularly odd thing to ask.

PortiaCastis · 09/05/2016 20:12

Ok ok I apologise and I have asked for my post to be removed

ChicRock · 09/05/2016 20:14

Has she asked twice in the last 2 phone calls or twice in the last 12 months?

Have you asked why she wants or needs to know?

So how'd she take you saying, in a roundabout way, that you weren't up for discussing it?

waterrat · 09/05/2016 20:15

god people are weird. It's her grand daughter who is presumably hitting puberty - she is probably interested/ concerned about her growing up and would like to know whether she has moved into 'teenhood' - I can imagine if I ever have a granddaughter I would be interested in her life as I would my daughter.

people are just horrible on here sometimes, a single question is seen as crazy and odd.

Wandastartup · 09/05/2016 20:15

I'm over 40 & I thought it was funny too( I do have a questionable sense of humour though)

PacificDogwod · 09/05/2016 20:16

"Oh yes, interesting question - since you brought it up: when did yours stop?"

Tbh, I'd just say yes or no depending on what is accurate.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/05/2016 20:16

"Nor do I think it's a particularly odd thing to ask."

Me neither really. Normal question about a girl of that age. Would the op find it so odd if it was her own mother and not her mil asking?
I agree that young girls can be very embarrassed about things, but I would have thought that the role of older women is to combat this not carry on with the old idea that it's something to be quiet about.