"wouldn't you be embarrassed to PAY someone else clean up after you?"

[schrodcat]

Seething. SEETHING. I proposed getting a cleaner because I honestly think we're going to end up divorced if he doesn't start pulling his weight. He objected in the strongest possible terms and said "wouldn't you be embarrassed to pay someone else to clean up after you?".

But he is not embarrassed for me to do it, even when I got a weird dermatitis condition on my hand from the rubber gloves and my fingers kept bleeding. I am not kidding. I know that sounds Dickensian.

FFS.

What did he say when you said that to him?

He means he would be embarrassed that someone else would see how pathetically lazy he was.

Yanbu. Jesus. What a ridiculously self-righteous comment.

I have dermatitis that flares up with cleaning with or without the gloves. Totally get you! Maybe you could offer to pay DH to clean up after you?

I said to someone last week that one of the reasons my DH and I are still married is because we have a cleaner twice a week. And I am not actually joking.

It has been essential... ESSENTIAL for some sort of marital harmony.

He's being a tosser. I have been asked this, and I say nope, no more than I would be embarrassed to pay someone to fix my car. I don't like cleaning, my cleaner does, no problem!

I find generally that a cleaner is cheaper than either marriage counselling or a divorce

Wow! As he's so resistant to the idea of a cleaner maybe he should start picking up after himself instead of being a cunt about it!

When I told my idle husband I was planning to hire a cleaner, his reply was that he'd do it, if I paid him!!! Thought you'd all appreciate that.

Oh curren, but I didn't say that, did I? I only thought of it later. I am not speedy with a retort, I'm afraid. I'm not sure what I'm more irritated by - the fact that he honestly doesn't seem to see the amount of work I do in the house or the massively self-righteous tone of voice he was taking. I am beginning to nurse weird revenge fantasies, like cutting off tiny bits off the sleeves of his shirts every day. Or scrubbing his CDs with wire wool just on a tiny, tiny bit of them (would that make them skip?). Whydoeshehavetobesuchanannoyingtwat AAAGH.

Are you are going to get a cleaner?

His starting point about cleaning, you see, is that my standards are too high and I am making a rod for my own back. They really aren't - I know lots of women who keep utterly immaculate houses and ours will never look like that and I wouldn't want it to. I just want a clear line to the door in the morning, for the kitchen floor not to be covered in shit so that when wet washing falls on it it doesn't pick up all the dirt, for there to be a clear surface for me to make a sandwich on... I am not asking a lot. And before you ask why I married him, the problem is, I think, that we were together for years "co-habiting" but both working in different places and not spending a lot of time at home.

I think I am going to get a secret cleaner.

Buy him an apron and present him with the broom and the floor mop. Possible to sweep and mop at the same time as the broomhandle can be insered into an orifice. However the vacuum cleaner has more connitations

But he's not embarrassed to let you pick up after him.

My DH was absolutely SHIT after our DD was born- literally just lay in, work, gym, ate his dinner I cooked, had a nice bath and bed. That was it. Every fucking day.

I told him he's either hiring and paying for a cleaner or moving out. It certainly bucked up his ideas, he hired a cleaner and started tidying up more/washing dishes/parenting

We're not expected another

Seriously, he is out or order.

If you've no kids (young kids esp) can you stop cleaning completely and wait for him to break?

We have one DC. Or I would just wait for him to crack. The other problem with that strategy is that he works outdoors and doesn't really need clean clothes - the fleece and waterproof trousers go on at the start of the week and that is about it. He wouldn't notice if I stopped the laundry spinning. The cutting up his shirts fantasy was a bit of a misnomer, but partly fuelled by the fact he probably wouldn't realise I'd been doing it for months, maybe even years.

There really is also nothing more depressing than the sound of a DH locking himself in the loo to do something really explosive just after you have actually cleaned.

Oh how I hate him.

This one's easy - go on complete cleaning strike. Either he does it or you get a cleaner.

He sounds like a tosser.

Is he an entitled ares in other respects too?!

Seriously, do what you need to do to enjoy your own home environment.
Get a cleaner, get him to clean up after himself, throw him out or make your peace with the mess - he is not going to change and unless YOU do, you are going to spend a lifetime cleaning up after him, quietly seething. AND getting divorced or clubbing him over the head with a toilet brush.

I'd be very tempted to point out to him that his embarrassment at something cleaning up after him does not extend to you, so where does that leave you on his range of people he values?
FFS. I am really rather cross on your behalf.

arse, ARSE, arse - autocorrect does not approve of arses apparently

Regardless of the cleaning issue, if you really do hate him, then you should get a divorce. Otherwise you're wasting your one precious life.

Just read your last post. You are telling strangers that you hate your partner -

LTB.

Honestly, get out.
Your DC will thank you.