To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

Maybe you could politely say something along the lines of "I noticed you took lots of photos of DC today, could we please have copies on a disc/USB/Dropbox whatever as we'd love to use some of the pics in our usual yearly calendar for the GP's"

Nah, I'd pre-empt the whole thing by contacting SIL long the lines of 'Noticed your DP taking photos of the girls, would love to see them as am sure they would be perfect for our calendar this year.'

They may have income but they lack imagination.

Great minds [grin

You've posted about this before.

I'd do what the PP's suggested - perfect!

This is eerily similar to something I've seen before. Glitch in the Matrix.

Whereyouleftit that is exactly what I would say

Chick I have but that was over their own calender and pics of themselves. This is taking is a step, too, far!

Whereyourleftit, dh and I are quite good photographers and DSIL and her partner are very confident strutting types.

I dont have it in me to give him such a compliment as using his wonderful ( not) pics on OUR calender! I only think they came round so he could take pics...I LOVE photography but I have never seen anything like this. The girls will be staying with pils quite a bit over the summer, when we are not there he will be going mad. I also dont want him posting them on social media, I have only met him once before.

They are both extremley competitive types, hence their own calender but using my dc now, for their calender

No love is lost between me and sil so I am happy to be blunt.

First 2 responses are perfect. You don't to actually use the pictures, it just gets your point across.

Also contact them and say "btw, notice the excessive picture taking today, not sure if you are aware but we don't put photos of our children on any social media and would prefer others not to do the same."

Isn't it a bit to give a calendar of themselves? I can't imagine ever doing that to someone "merry Christmas, look at ME every day for the next year!"

Your present sounds like a nice idea. Theirs does not and smacks of being in competition.

It seems a bit weird but I don't think it would bother me. I'd find it vaguely amusing and not give it any further thought. I'm sure whatever else your PIL get they will still like your present.

It's your DHs family so leave any agnst'ing to him.

Next Christmas you and your DH need to do a spoof of their calendar, fill it with loads of cheesy pics of you and DH and give it to your SIL as her gift.

YANBU there's always someone in the family that does this sort of shit. I agree ask for some copies to put on your calander

Just be honest and explain exactly what you've said in your op to them, in a nice way if possible, and ask them if they wouldn't mind not using photos of your dc in their calendar next year, as your calendar is the only gift you can afford and you want it to be the only calendar they get with photos of your dc on.

I dont think asking for copies is direct enough.

I can imagine " tell me which ones you want to use so we dont duplicate!"

Or " I noticed you taking lots of pics of the dc today, Just to make you aware we don't want them put on social media or on gifts for the family"

I did say after a while of the sort of slow sly hand to camer then away we go with hundreds of shots..." Bla, we do charge modelling fees you know" he sort of smirked.

he carried on after a short break and I said " DH has x wired us the modelling fees yet?" and he laughed - and said " dont worry I will send you the pics"

( as if he is doing us a huge favour by sending his wonderful pics to us!!)

I wonder what our legal rights are on this.

My sil did the same think m, I used to get my mum a calendar with pics of dcs, my sil started doing the same, so I stopped after reading this now I'm thinking duck it I'm going big this year!!

I'm not sure that I'd say anything.

Just do your calender as usual.

Make sure you take some pics og your hildren with the Gps to put on it.

grip I dont understand , your sil did her own dc, or yours or herself.

Is this a joke? And the responses to it, are they a joke too?

You all sound insane to me. Does your husband share your upset about the possibility your in laws may be treated to lots of pics of your kids at Christmas?

Equal share of pictures of all family members, coordinated to produce one, single calendar for grandparents.

You can tell them not to put the pictures on social media bug you can't ask them not to be shared with family without making yourself seem ridiculous . If you don't want to ' compete' in the calendar wars do something different - my dd makes a photo book for my mum each year - she does them on line and they are very nice and cost less than £25 .

"I dont have it in me to give him such a compliment as using his wonderful ( not) pics on OUR calender!"
Even better ! He feels compliment of being asked, then when the calendar is unveiled and his photos never to be seen, you explain with a pained expression that the photos weren't quite up to the standard you use. Revenge is a dish best served cold, doncha know . The purpose of asking for the photos is not so you can use the, it is so that they cannot.

Whereyourleftit, I can cope with that thanks.

I know I sound silly, I feel silly but I cant help how I feel. There is a huge back story, lots of all the usual issues, and a huge problem was PILS treating dh like second class citizen. Nothing he did was good enough, they are very materialistic and one thing he does well is take photos, and he has produced two wonderful dc. In the past family friends have told me, DSILS partner ( high up in corporate world like sil) is what they always hoped dh would be.

so it does pain me a great deal that now, he not only doing the calender but also doing it with our dc.

I would like to get into a yogic pose and let this wash over me, but I feel very cross about it.