To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

Thanks some really good ideas and posts.

i invest quite a bit in the calendar I think, all year when I am taking photos the "calendar" is always in the back of my mind , we put a lot of work into putting it together so maybe its an emotional thing for me? Because I dont get why it has upset me so much . I dated a photographer for a while and got loads of tips so I work hard on the back ground, the location etc.

Someone said WHY so many pics and It was slightly creepy too. The way he slowly put his hand on the camera and then slipped off.

I did strongly hint re " we charge model fees you know" but he carried on, but as someone else said " who puts pictures of themselves on in laws calendar" when sweet pics of grand kids are there too?

Their calendar was close ups of sil eating pasta with a silly look on her face, another close up of her doing "rabbit teeth"..where you tuck your lip under to expose your teeth with another strange expression. Another was a pic of them toasting each other somewhere. But, their calendar has remained firmly placed behind ours thus far this year and he wants that first place . I guess its just not my sense of humour, I like to look at attractive things on the wall...

LOVE the idea of putting hands in front of face!

He has crossed a line with me, and I am not going to have a thoughtful and lovingly put together gift vying for place with something this man has done out of it seems to me jealously and competition.

Also TBF I think pils should have said something like " oh a calendar, this is a lovely gift but bla and bla do one for us every year, why dont you do some other photo gifts".

Calendar wars!

I don't think that your ILs deserve such angst over their Christmas gift.

If your husband is a good photographer, why not a calendar of pics he has taken-no people?

Or a pic of just the kids in a frame?

my in laws probably don't deserve any gift at all diddl.

they have driven us to the brink of madness, they have nearly driven us apart.

its a fragile situation, we only got back on track with them this year because they have made efforts to actually to be a little bit nice ( so they can see GC).

My MIL is still quite rude to me though, but I ignore it for the greater good.

They really don't sound worth it-especially if MIL is still rude to you.

Perhaps if the photographing happens again or is mentioned again you could said to PILs, "looks as if you might be getting two calendars with our kids on this year".

So you think that they only tolerate you & your husband so that they can see the kids?

SIL: mum, why do you never put my Xmas calendar present up? You could have one calendar in kitchen, the other in the study you know!

MIL: don't be a daft mare, darling. I love you but I don't actually want to see pictures of you on a calendar! I put it up for the lovely grandchildren!

SIL to partner: we need to get some shots of the kids to make the wall cut this year.

A plan is hatched.

You realise OP how insane you sound? If you and your DH are such brilliant photographers, then you have nothing to worry about.

I would however suggest you up your ante: take photos of the children doing something memorable and specific FOR the grandparents. This is X painting your birthday card. June is photo of Y picking wildflowers. Artful blogger esque closeup of bouquet tied with a delicate silk ribbon. Photo of child proudly beaming as they present bouquet to grandparent.

Make it about capturing specifics memories, not just nice photos of your kids.

Give a copy to your SIL. Since they love your kids so much :-)

And remember your key weapon - kids' artwork. Photograph it, scan it, include it in the calendar.

How do B&Sil get on with the PILs?

Any better than you?

Do you really dislike them or more the relationship that they have with Pils?

Heh. Just make sure your kids are covered in chocolate/jam every time ils are around. This isn't too hard ime in fact it seems to be a natural default for my offspring.

Also seems a bit strange of you to be spending (by your own admission) all year working on a gift for people you dislike. Maybe channel your energies into making a nice photo book or calendar for yourself and dh to treasure?!

He sounds really quite annoying, but totally lacking in imagination. It doesn't matter how well off you are though, it is quite difficult to buy for older, well off people imo.

They have everything already and are more than capable of buying stuff that is to their own taste, and don't actually want "stuff". That's why a calendar works really well as it can legitimately be binned at the end of the year.

You could change this years calendar and make it a theme ? Do Andy Warhol esque pics? Theme each month with some sort of cookery pic - eg kids making strawberry jam in August etc.

Or completely change things for this year and find a new "thing"

You have no rights at all to your dcs image. Your bill can do whatever he likes with his own pictures (unless you get into the realm of commercial/for profit use).
If he wants to put his photos in a calendar then he can.

UP i MAY sound insane!! i get that but its not me who is tying to encroach on calendar territory, surely that is more mad. We do calendar shots of memorable moments as well as lovely shots in the usual places, ie blue bell woods, beach etc.

I had not thought about the art work before though, thats a lovely idea ( we give copies to my DF and us as well and I would love to see their art work and have it time captured on calendar) Fil is MADLY competitive, and dsil is the same.

Yes I think they only tolerate us for the GC< fall outs affect the wider family too, dh aunt grandma etc.
I am happier now we are all talking again and I want my dc to know thier GP, sadly we are low on no's on my side!

How do B&Sil get on with the PILs? oh goodness yes! Dsil is the dream, corporate banker, everything they hoped DH would be, viciously selfish and competitive. Mils voice changes whenever she mentions her name and DFIL - think the sun shines out of her arse, which to be fair is fine, she is their DD after all, its just a shame - they treated both of them - dh and dsil with SUCH a marked difference in the past. Literally openly treating DH like a looser which is why we had to back off.

Diddl, pils are tricky, even close family friends of theirs have told me they are! I have had some sympathy from these people! Pils are very very uptight.Very different to DH and to me and our values.

Sil lives round the corner from mil and pops in every day, we see them once a week or twice a month, or longer than that. and thats enough, ie - I dont want a closer relationship with pils, they drive me mad no I am not jealous of their relationship. It irks me greatly as to why dsil, the golden child would want ot do this to her db.

Monkey the calendar - we have a copy too, as well as my DF, and DH grandma etc, I dont want to give them a calender but DH said we have too. DH is used to being treated like crap by all of them.

Still cross about it, but slowly working out my frustration on here.

This all sounds totally unhinged. You dont like any of them. They treat you like shit. Stop caring! The calendar they use is being used as a sign of current 'favourite'. After all, putting one underneath another is rude and useless - if they were not playing mind games they'd put it up in another room. Dont play the game if favourites with a pair of dickheads. You are worth more than that.

Your calendar is for you and people you like so who cares what calendar they make as well?

That's why a calendar works really well as it can legitimately be binned at the end of the year

I noticed sil has given them ipad covers ( close up, as in nose pops out picture of pulling ugly faace) and on key rings, there is a wealth of different photo gifts to give.

why the calendar too should we start key rings now, and ipad covers and cups,and cushions and T SHIRTS!

The calendar they use is being used as a sign of current 'favourite'. After all, putting one underneath another is rude and useless - if they were not playing mind games they'd put it up in another room

Your right. Maybe his calendar being placed and left un turned has driven him to yesterdays antics!! But your right is is rude of pils too.

They were supposed to come for a bbq but turned up late after we had eaten then immeidalty got camera out.

I could stop caring if dh would let us not do a calender for them.

Dont play the game if favourites with a pair of dickheads. You are worth more than that thats helping thanks

Er .... OP I think you are massively over-investing in this. And projecting and assuming and blowing it all out of proportion... It's a calendar ffs. Yes, I get it's 'your' present but you don't own the idea or the act or the right to be the only one doing this.

If you're that bothered, choose a different gift. You can put photos onto pretty much everything these days. Cushions, trays, etc etc. or even a picture.

"It irks me greatly as to why dsil, the golden child would want ot do this to her db. "

Because she doesn't know any better & has learnt it from her parents?

Even if BIL has said something she will more than likely have reassured him that your husband "won't mind" (if they are intending to do a calendar).

"Dont play the game if favourites with a pair of dickheads. You are worth more than that "

Absolutely that.

Jesus you must be worn out with all this OP.

Take a step back and chill out. Is it really worth all this head space?

Since Moonpig came along, people are finding their homes are overrun with personalised calendars, mugs, keyrings and stationary containing the mug shots of family members.

My parents had 5 kids, they have 8 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren and my poor Dad is running out of room to store all this stuff

If it's causing such a headache, you have 7 months to shop for a gift that doesn't involve calendars and photos of your kids.

You say you were astounded to see that your SIL gave her parents a calendar of her and her partner. Why? They're only jumping on the Moonpig type bandwagon like millions of other people

Last year, I worked with my SIL to do a joint calendar from all of us, with photos of DS and his cousins in.

Why does it have to be a competition? Why can't you talk to her and do something together. You do not own rights to doing a calendar.

You may have a fair point about your SIL not using photos of your children without your permission, but you are likely to look like an arse to all if you make a big thing of it, thus backfiring on you.

FWIW, MIL loved the calendar more, because it wasn't just her grandkids but it was her sons (and their wives) working together when previously we haven't always been on good terms.

Nah, I'd pre-empt the whole thing by contacting SIL long the lines of 'Noticed your DP taking photos of the girls, would love to see them as am sure they would be perfect for our calendar this year.'

This.

'Noticed your DP taking photos of the girls, would love to see them as am sure they would be perfect for our calendar this year.'

But then Op's husband won't even have gone to the trouble of taking pics himself for the bloody thing!

This whole thing is bloody ridiculous.

I think you are giving this way too much headspace. It just doesn't matter. Do your lovely calander and ignore everything else. It REALLY isn't worth getting her up about. You might find it quite liberating to let it all go. It all sounds like too much hassle to care about it.

I could stop caring if dh would let us not do a calender for them

If he wants to make one, let him. You don't have to do anything. You are unhealthily upset by a less than impressive gift for people you don't like at all.