To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

Blimmin you and all the posters in that vein are totally right, and believe it or not, we had come to that happy, not caring position, it was just the OTT behavior and stuff this weekend.

I do feel much better about it all now...honestly!

for you Janecc, I really am, its so cruel. I just cant imagine doing this to my own DD! Its incredible behaviour.

Have you stopped giving pictures now, or presents? Or do you not care so much>?

Blimmin

You all sound nuts.

Thank you. . We used to give amazing, thoughtful presents - one year I gave a beautiful large photo frame with lots of cut outs and put photos of us as a couple and equal amounts of brother and his wife as a couple (pre children). This went on the wall at the back of a deep, narrow alcove at the far end of the living room where no one really looked at her old house. Don't know where it is now. SIL would go and get a plant for £10 from the garden centre or supermarket (both in a similar financial position) and that was met with as much or mor enthusiasm. I rise above it now. It's taken me a long long time to see the situation for what it is. Each present was a desperate attempt to prove my love only to be rejected again. As I say, I gave a calendar last year. I also gave one to brother and SIL and for the first time ever, I got a card from them for my birthday (as I included birthdays) - so that's a plus. Don't know what I will be doing this year. Something simple - a token gift, like a photo mug of DD or I may give her a dvd of dds dance show - I've always just bought and given an extra copy to her of these sort of things but why shouldn't I make them into an actual present? It really goes against the grain to give so little when I can give more but I realised I had to stop because I was actually offering up my heart each year. As you have also done.

when I can give more but I realised I had to stop because I was actually offering up my heart each year. As you have also done

^ yes, offering up heart. Its sad. Your right. Apart from the said calandar we try and give just flowers and wine now. Maybe you should do the same?

That's what I'm doing. Thanks. Just simple stuff. And the more simple and centred and grounded I am, the more respect she is giving me. Only a little bit of respect but it's a start and she knows now I won't take any more crap - especially over my child. I do feel a bit sorry for her actually - what a waste of a life to be always discontented.

It is a waste of a life, but also a waste of our lives to be dragged into it .

I am glad you don't take crap over your dc, sometimes it takes having dc to realise their behaviour is not acceptable. In our case, pils adore our DC nd sil has none, so in that respect - the relations are fine, because I wouldn't stand for it, not for a minuet. I feel sorry for sil too, she has dominated their family life, dh always 2nd but she is so insecure she needs to dominate the calendar too, prove she had her BF can do it better.

On wards and up wards Janecc, but its cathartic to talk about it. It takes a long time doesnt it - to understand it all and get to a point of not caring.

just re read your present post I was confused Janecc - YY to the extra gifts that come with stuff no special effort.

I understand everything you're saying - I'm mid 40's and it took me this long to really get it. Since having my DD, I have slowly seen things from a different perspective. My mother is at least a better grandmother than she was ever mother.

I'm looking forward to lovely weather and more zen moments. We live a distance away, as do you and I think this makes life a lot easier to bear. We rarely see my brother and SIL - my mother every couple of months. They are so very different from us. I have a lovely little family.

This has been very cathartic X

No required - we all misread things - it's called being human. . I do it all the time lol.

Thanks Janecc, I am glad I posted for this little gem to come in at the end .

Glad that she is a better grandmother! Its very very hard situation to try and navigate.

Thank you

now I hope this thread wilts away

Put the same outfit on the kids each time you go round!!

Forget the photo calender this year and get the children to make/decorate some tat for the GPs instead.

Why don't you do what normal most people do and wait until a week before smash and then ask you DH if he has got his parents a present.

Boring but a lot less dramatic.

Daily thats a very good idea.

But I have now worked through this - and now I am at the point where I don't care.