To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

I think you sound as bad as each other really. I mean, you're pissed off that your sil asked if you had plans for a box that was sitting in your hall way. A BOX. Who is like that?! And the fridge thing... Annoying but not that bad. You don't sound like you're bringing much sweetness and light to the situation either really. I don't find it strange that I should disagree with you either!

Plus I shouldn't have to make any hints, I have met this man briefly once before I wouldn't start endlessly photographing dc in his position

Alternatively, you could have simply asked him to stop taking any more photos rather than sitting there saying nothing. That would have been very boring And straightforward but would have saved you and us all the pages of 'drama' and 'outrage'

It all sounds made up as its so silly.

I've skimmed the thread. Do the GPs actually want a calendar year after year after year? Now it's two! Why not do something different, I appreciate money is tight, but there's lots you could do that isn't a calendar, if it were me I'd be bored senseless with calendars.

As for the BIL, I would have at the time said "why are you taking all these pics of my kids??". As that boat has sailed, email him and say, I know you took lots of pics of our kids, it would be great if you could email them to me, but please don't use them for any sort of calender". End of. Sorted.

Calender Wars! It really does all sound insane, but I can see the 'Calender' is indicative of the toxic family dynamic. Perhaps you should just not do the Calender this year (for pil at least) seeing as it's causing you so much angst. Do a collage of photos in a frame instead or get the dds to decorate something.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog

"I mean, you're pissed off that your sil asked if you had plans for a box that was sitting in your hall way. A BOX. Who is like that?"

Because its the circumstances. This wasn't a friend casually asking " why is this box here" on a sunny day in June... It was a house inspection said in a derogatory way. The circumstances were I was heavily pregnant, in full time work still, we were painting our living room, getting ready for baby when a close family member suddenly died and I had to organise the funeral, then went into labour early! I had - to say the least quite a lot on my plate! And I was grieving! I had been accused by Pils of not nesting!! I was upstairs grieving and recovering from the birth And sil was sent round to inspect and among other things - had the cheek to ask why a box was in the hall way and when would it be removed. Not to ask after me, or check on baby or DH.

Its not just the fridge, asking us to defer to her to buy a fridge is an example, in most things FIl will say " Sil is smart, when she remortgages, she does X, sil is smart when she buys a car she does C, sil is smart when she shits she does X" and so on. " your fridge is broken shall i put you in touch with sil to help you get a new one, she will have some good ideas" They adore sil because she is a banker and very careful tight with her money ( when it comes to other people), dh is also careful with our money, but is not tight!

I don't like SIL I don't like her values or lack of them, she has been rude about disabled people, she never even had the manners to greet my DF with a hello, or stand up, she just grunted from the sofa and went back to her tv program!! She called her own grandma " just a silly old bat" when she had dementia and she has never been nice or kind to DH. As in, not even a 'hello' when we were in the house and she came home, she would just bark orders at him! If she had ever made any effort with our dc, it would have helped but she never ever has!

A hard situation to bring sweetness and light too.

thanks Betty yes of course its indicative of wider issues!

Yes your SIL sounds bossy, yes it would be hugely annoying to have your FIL constantly suggesting that you defer to her, yes you need to stop fuming and hating and pleasantly draw some boundaries. Otherwise, as in this thread, you sound completely irrational!!

I might email him directly to give some boundaries.

Any close sudden bereavement is a hideous earth shattering shock but with a first born tiny baby and trying to find my way as a mother - being treated in such a horrid manner by sil - will drive someone to sound irrational, It was a very very dark time.

A calendar is obviously the only way you can use photos in a gift for grandparents.

Use your imagination instead!

we gave them framed pics once, they gave them away to another relative.

Sil has the market on the key rings now and ipad covers and stuff like that.

We could copy her, but I feel if its something she likes to do, I am not going to encroach on that.
We did children's hand on cups, I have never seen them since.

Pils have narrow and specific taste. I could do cushion covers but I know she would find that sort of thing tacky. Same with a canvas picture, she wouldn't put it up.

My bil did this too. We used to do a calendar with our kids on for the gps and then lo and behold, one year they got two.

I could never look at theirs without sniggering. Look! January is Bil and sil kissing in front of a ski lodge. February is bil and sil kissing in Amsterdam. March is bil and sil kissing in front of spring flowers. So. Much. Kissing.

"Someone" drew a moustache and glasses on Bikini August and BIL got all pissy.

Sil has never bothered with a card for birthday or present for DD2, and she re gifted un suitable items for DD! like a ladies make up mirror compact at the baptism. An outfit mil showed and told me got for DD1 but forgot to give to us, came wrapped up as a gift from sil later on, since then, we have had one book with half a page ripped off where the reduced sticker was.

Now she is going to use these dc she has never bothered with for her own gift!

Chip!! really?!

how would you feel if they then took pics of your kids for their calendar?

Well it would depend on if someone drew a moustache and glasses on them, I guess!

Sil has the market on the key rings now and ipad covers and stuff like that.

You are utterly hilarious, OP.

You did post on AIBU, didn't you?

So they're competing with you. Presumably they want to feel smug at Christmas when they present the calendar that's better than yours? So maybe you don't do a calendar and suddenly they don't have much to feel smug about and it will burst their rather lame one-up-man-ship bubble.

I'd try and find something else to and just eradicate the competition.

It sounds as if you are all obesessed with with gifting the old dears with endless things with pics on them. Calanders, mugs, keyrings, ipad covers, you have considered but discounted canvases and cushion covers.....you, and your BIL/SIL do know that products are available that you don't need to festoon with pictures of yourselves and children, don't you?

Buy them a book or a box of chocolates, fgs! Without any photos on the top.

Does anyone remember that Alan Partridge episode where the fan had a room filled with Alan's face?

Just saying

Seriously though Op isn't there the smallest part of you that thinks you might be making a mountain of a very small molehill? You aren't coming out of this thread very well to be honest and it does look slightly that it might be six of one, half a dozen of the other when it comes to OTT behaviour...

discobabe thats exaclty what I want to do, forget about it for them this year dont give them a calander just wine, its in my mind the Perfect solution!

But DH wants to give them one, he has a life time of conditioning to be treated second best, he is used to it. I cant stand it. I hate to see it.

Miffle, I suppose I could take pics of SIL and her BF and do a special calandar of their love?

Sil was horrid to me after I lost my brother and had a baby, I don't suppose I will ever forgive her and she has done nothing except more horrid behaviour in the mean time to make any difference to my feelings. We try and avoid her but were forced to a BBQ and they turned up. Personally I feel in terms of OTT behaviours hers is horrendous really. The joyful experience was turned on its head by brothers passing and then turned into a horror show by pils and sil. awful

I dont know anyone else in my life who would have treated someone who was in my position in that way. Heartless.

OP, you really should forget about this this year and forever more. If your DH wants to do a calendar then leave him be and don't mother him about it or get over involved. You said in an earlier post that you invest a lot into the calendar - do you realise how bonkers that sounds.

Your OP was solely about the calendar but you have slowly drip fed lots of other information. I don't know if that's because posters were not being supportive of you being so wound up about the calendar or because it's to add to the drama.

Try and avoid your inlaws and your SIL and try and let your DH worry about his own family. He's an adult.

I. Simply. Cannot. Believe. This. Thread.

Why why why would anyone let this occupy their time life day anything. Just forget the hell about it and no more paying money to tat making companies like photobox and vista print. Give em a bottle of red and sit back and live your own life. Just why is this level of drama needed to live your lives?!

`Digital photo frame that is pre-loaded with all your beautiful pictures and set to be on auto change and always on? The forever calendar and a massive improvement on the calendar!

Bloody hell regular don't feed the madness!!