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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

192 replies

CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 20:25

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

OP posts:
BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 08/05/2016 21:22

Oh yes, photo books have been very well received when I have given them. Bonusprint often do offers where you can buy a 50 page one for £15 including a hard photo cover and p and p. Sign up and you get the emails.

Optimist1 · 08/05/2016 21:24

I reckon they're going to compile a calendar of your girls for their Christmas present to you this year.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 21:25

I couldnt do a photo book and have a calender of my dc hanging on their wall with pics taken by this man. I couldnt.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 21:26

Optimist, that comment goes well with your name but they have never given us any gifts at xmas or bdys, and I dont care about that, but never any for the dc either.

I think sil got one of them a fluffly pen once from paper chase and a book on offer. no bday cards...never makes time to spend with them etc.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 08/05/2016 21:28

If you dont put any of her kids in the calendar, then whats wrong with her doing her own. They could put it in another room. Its not like its a particularly amazing original idea to do a calendar. You dont have copyright on it

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/05/2016 21:29

Don't see how you could actually stop them to be honest..

Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 21:29

they dont have kids , they are using our dc for their calender I would have absoltuy no calms what so ever, if they have dc and did a calender as well of their own dc. No problems with that at all.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/05/2016 21:30

"so it does pain me a great deal that now, he not only doing the calender but also doing it with our dc."

Well you don't know that for sure.

"I couldnt do a photo book and have a calender of my dc hanging on their wall with pics taken by this man."

Well don't then! Do the calendar as usual.

How often do you think that the calendars get taken out & looked at again once used?

Sniv · 08/05/2016 21:30

It seems like a massive leap to think they're doing this for the Christmas calender. I mean, it's May for one thing; who's even thinking about Christmas presents?

Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 21:33

sniv he was talking about xmas, about doing the xmas key ring they do. He was like a blood hound, he was Un relenting!!!! He hardly stopped taking pics and I even dated a semi professional photographer once who was not as incessant as this guy.

They don't make any effort with our dc, they are crap as aunt and uncle, they have shat on my dh in the past and now, they are possibly nicking our kids and taking over the one bloody well received gift we have ever given the pils.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/05/2016 21:39

I can see that it's annoying, but PILs will doubtless see it for what it is.

I think that you'll just seem daft if you say anything.

And if you didn't take pics today, at least they wouldn't be using the same as you.

Babettescat · 08/05/2016 21:46

You cannot control/modify what gifts others give to other people. You absolutely cannot. You can of course say no to the pics of your kids but they can go as many blimmin calendars they want

Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 21:47

Thanks Diddl I am very wound up about this.

Using our dc to out calender us. Grin and take away that one gift.

I may feel silly me or dh saying something to sils BF but on the other hand I think he is silly for not backing off and for doing the competing calender in the first place.

OP posts:
Babettescat · 08/05/2016 21:50

The real issue isn't any calendars. You know it. The real issue is that you don't like them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/05/2016 21:57

Babettescat, I've never met them and I don't like them.

inlovewithhubby · 08/05/2016 22:02

If you're honest with yourself, this upset isnt really about calendars. It's about how your PIL treat your partner and an understandable jealousy about someone else (sil's partner) they appreciate/admire in a way your hubby wants to be appreciated by them. I get it but a)it's not the partner's fault, even if he is a complete twat and b) it's got nothing to do with photos. Controlling a few photos won't change the family dynamic. And of course you can't dictate what shots they use in a calendar or similar photo gift (unless it's on social media or otherwise online) and you'd look a bit mad if you did.

I'd calm down and concentrate on supporting your hubby rather than adding fuel to any existing emotional fires.

diddl · 08/05/2016 22:03

I think that if it happens again, all you can do is to ask him to stop annoying the kids.

Just noticed that you put that PILs don't treat your husband all that well.

So I guess this also might be about impressing them with pics of their (only?) GC.

But they sound as if they don't deserve it tbh.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 22:10

I dont like them, no.
Good point about not his fault, I will try and remember that.

But, saying that was has possessed him to encroach on calender ground?

I believe he is not that close to his own family he has been with sil for at least 2 years now....and DH and I have not been on the seen we were no contact with the pils for a few years and things slowly getting back on track but things like THIS doesnt help.

I think he is v competitive and v jealous to be sharing occasions, the house etc with US.

I did say jokingly to DH last year when I saw their calender it wouldnt surprise me if he pushes to have kids to compete with us! I never dreamt he would be using our own.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 22:12

Thanks Didl, good point about not annoying them, they do get annoyed when pics taken.

I wonder if anyone actually knows though the law about someone taking dc photos. I dont know why but in this day and age I would have thought if parents said - please dont, that would have been enough?

when we are not there he is going to have free reign.

I would be happy to do PILS a calender at all, but dh said that was silly.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 22:14

inove pictures wont stop family dynamic no, but I would feel much happier if this man was told to stop taking pics of our children.

OP posts:
Buddahbelly · 08/05/2016 22:41

As you say you've only met him once id be more concerned that a strange man was taking so many pictures of my child and what he was actually going to do with them than imagining him using them for a calendar Shock.

I think you missed your opportunity to tell him to stop taking so many pictures, or asking him why he was so focused on the children? But if i was you now Id definitely ask him for some copies of the pictures he took of your kids. you dont have to pay him a compliment, just something along the lines of, "couldn't help but notice how you stalked my kids yesterday, I want the copies please so I can see for myself what you were actually taking pictures of". Or something a bit more polite!

BlahBlahBlahWhatever · 08/05/2016 22:45

Sorry, I'm still stuck in the part were you say that they made a calendar of pics of themselves!
What type of self obsessed weirdo does this?!

DoreenLethal · 08/05/2016 22:45

Fuck it - just tell him.

Also tell your kids to put their hand up in front of their faces if he starts. And when you are there, just tell him to leave them be. That you and your husband take enough photos, it is a family day so back off.

TeaPleaseLouise · 08/05/2016 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockMeMomma · 08/05/2016 23:22

Don't shoot the messenger but.. in regards to taking photos of children; if photos are taken in a public place, the photos are the property of the person taking the photos. Legally, if it is in a public place, there is nothing you can do, other than to request that he doesn't take the photos. My friend is a photographer, it is a hot topic of debate amongst her colleagues.

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