To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

I think this is one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read on here.

You don't even know if he is going to use the bloody pictures in a fucking calendar.

I mean I'd be a bit miffed if he did but seriously a huge fucking thread about it is just odd.

Haha. Wrong thread. This was meant to go on the naked children in park thread argument

agree with MorrisZapp on page 1.

You all sound a tad insane.

I feel for your In laws.

Oh god has someone told the op its "calendar ". ?

And OP. Get over yourself. You sound nuts

I'd be annoyed too. You've found something that makes a good gift that you actually feel is appreciated and they want to nick it. Despite the fact that it sounds like if SIL gave them a gold plated turd they would love it anyway.

I also invest a lot of time and effort in a calendar each year. It's definitely not a quick thing to do. I would email him directly and ask him it to use pictures of your DC.

What ever happened to chocolates and soap on a rope.

OP this sounds utterly exhausting. It's May and you're worried about your PILs xmas present because it's the only thing you & your DH can do right for them. Just think about this. They're causing all this anxiety. SIL has grown up amongst this too, I'm sure she's miserable deep down. Your PILs are toxic

Rather than worry about the calendar why don't you look at ways to detach and set out your own guidelines for your relationship for them. They will drive you crazy and it's ONLY you who will suffer. They aren't.

I can see why you're annoyed but there's no point in stressing over it.

Just concentrate on getting some lovely pics throughout the year, the more scenic the better, and make a fab calendar and memories.

A digital frame, as suggested above, is a brilliant idea. You can continuously update it with photos of your DC throughout the year.

OP,I can see why you are a bit put out,but maybe they saw how much your calendar means and thought to add.Proof here that the price of a gift means nothing .
From a granny and great aunt's point of view I would love both.Lovely to see and have zillions of snaps and maybe he is a wonderful photographer?

Hello! I didn't realise this was still ticking over.

I feel much better about it all now, Now I have been able "vent" on here which after all is what most of us do? I am sorry some posters have found this trivial, I see what I would trivial threads on here all the time but i don't comment on them

Thanks Skiing, it is annoying, its all more like a camel and straw situation as some posters have been able to grasp Its the tip of the iceberg. The manifestation of a larger issue.

I have discovered his camera cost £1,800 so I can understand better his need to get his calendar into 1st place on the wall . And show off his photographic prowess. With a professional camera at his finger tips I can also understand why maybe he was looking for models other than SIL and close ups of her rabiit face and nostrils

It is a toxic situation and I am going to see if we can take a break from giving them the calendar this year. Mil wouldn't have a digi photo frame in her house, the house is museum she wouldn't like the frame. Mil is reverential around "things" that cost a lot of money, she nearly chocked up telling me how sils BF had a "very" expensive record player. So I am sure they enjoy the calancer from sil.

Another things that worried me, was - they dc were due to go there for over night stays 3 times over June and July, and I dint want sdsil, bf following the dc round with total free reign as we were not there. I have managed to re arrange the dates and dh has emailed sil to ask her not to put the pics on social media.

So, its all worked out, thank for the comments.

'

Got

Perhaps in a more normal friendly family, Pils feel sil and her BF are superior in every way, I am sure they will love a calendar from them with their superior camera skills. They would probably love us to just give our dc over to them all really, as dh and I are viewed as such loosers, they could all do a much better job.

You just sound nasty now tbh.

I know exactly where op is coming from as the scapegoat. Brother is the golden child. I did a calendar last Xmas and one a few years ago. This year, I didn't even get a thank you from my mother for the calendar and it was very thoughtfully done. Father deceased. Now had that been my brother or his wife doing the calendar, it would have been shouted from the rooftops - smiles, blushing, flattery, the red carpet. Everything is about how clever and fantastic my brother is. Hes so qualified you know being a chartered accountant and me with my measly degree, dh with a masters. It's truly pathetic. I recently did up a house and am in the process of selling it on, I'm going to make a good profit as I cannot work for health reasons and use the profit to pay for private health care. That's a waste of time she says, never asked to look at any photos of the house, never any encouragement, no congratulations, constantly looking for a way to put me down. I've had a lot of counselling. I went NC for 3 months earlier this year after 2 really shitty incidents. One involving berating my little girl. So I know how you and your dh feels.

The problem here is that dh will never, ever, ever get the approval and the photo calendar is just another example of what rubbish parents he has. So from his perspective, he needs to cut the apron strings completely and only then will the calendar be a non issue. You are both overly invested and it's time for both of you to look inwards not outwards to your lovely, wonderful family and look at ways to eventually be the grandparents to your grandchildren that your children never had. As I said, I had a lot of counselling and my buttons are not getting pushed very much anymore. My family all say I'm the problem when I'm not. I'm actually the only sane one. I now expect crap from them and am more surprised when I don't get it and am guarded and protect myself.

With narcissistic parents, you dh will have been taught a lot of crap and he will have massive gaps in his knowledge about how to protect himself and how emotionally to be an adult. If he knew these things, it wouldn't affect him. It wasn't until I found all of the stuff out I needed to know and set boundaries that I was able to stop the guilt, pain and confusion. So with my experience under my belt, I would do what adults do. Rise above this situation. Do the calendar this year and pull back on the emotions, blood, sweat and tears. Ignore that they may do one too however effing crazy it makes you. You can give the comment if they do. "Oh that's nice, I see they've included some of the kids. Oh well, it looks like you got two calendars this year." . In other words, do not show any weakness. She knows probably at a subconscious level this will hit her brother and it sounds like the parents have brought the children up to be very competitive so she's just doing what she knows. So it's you and your dh that need to change. No rise to the bait means no challenge and no fun for her. However, she may up the anti even more before finally giving up. Your dh needs to fully accept that in this family, he will never be accepted and be fine with it.

why maybe he was looking for models other than SIL and close ups of her rabiit face and nostrils

sil pulls faces, I did mention this, she will contort her face into different poses they find funny. ie her rabbit pose.

Oh dear Cheeky..you are right,I can not imagine such a difficult situation from a 'normalish' sort of outlook.
It makes me sad that you are bending over backwards to try and please this ungrateful grandmother.
We have antiques and all that (now) worthless stuff as one does.
Presently there are blue tacked photos printed on A4 so that I can see properly, calenders, childrens art, toilet roll Easter gifts and a wonderful hideous quilt with photos printed on.(dunno how it is done ),but we love, love it all. Tell me more about the digital frame?
Your Pil's love your calendar...bombard them with all the above even if you think she will hate it.You may be surprised and Sil will be in a frenzy trying to duplicate!

Janecc what a lovely post thank you, it has really touched me. And for you, its rotten isn't it.

We don't spend hardly any time there but an aunt had come over to visit, and were compelled to go over, as well as a few other issues we sort of had too. Otherwise we know now to keep our distance for so many reasons! It never ever makes me feel happy going there, and doesnt for dh either really.

But we both like the aunt.

In other words, do not show any weakness. She knows probably at a subconscious level this will hit her brother and it sounds like the parents have brought the children up to be very competitive so she's just doing what she knows Yes I def agree with this ^^ although to be fair there has never been much competition as DH is not really competitive!! I also think sils nose is pushed out with our DD's.

As I said I feel much better about it all, and we had got to that point, I had, of not caring much , but as I have said - sils BF behaviour was soooo OTT it was rather a shock! I mean who expects when a table is laid for two extra people that they dont turn up, then only turn up to take pics for a xmas present you do yourself with your dc! I have not been thinking about xmas, or the calendar until sunday when they did!

these sort of moments, remind us to pull back again. But pils have been much better over all, esp fil its just mil who is the tricker one.

It makes me sad that you are bending over backwards to try and please this ungrateful grandmother

I used too, I used to sweat round shops wondering what to get them all, and it was never nicely received " oh a butter dish, I don't eat butter, oh a belt but fil already has one," etc.

which is why the bleedin calendar was so great!

I actually love those quilts! Mil would HATE it, but I think they are lovely ! TBH we dont have the budget to get them anything else fancy, dh and i dont even exchange gifts, but thank you.

We got a framed pottery cast of dds feet and hands at 6 weeks. No thrilled thank you at the time. Incredulously she didn't put it up until I questioned her and it went in the kitchen - hardly pride of place. Apparently it didn't go with the decor - she had oak furniture and terracotta (yuk) tiles on the floor. This present was oak framed and terracotta. When she moved house, it disappeared. Her most prominent photo is of her by herself on top of the China cabinet - she too has the now worthless antiques but lacks the cardboard models/pictures as she won't display it. I even sent her down with one for her husband in a care home and when we went to visit him, it was no where to be seen.

Just seen your post. Thanks . Was venting. It feels good so I'm not all fixed either lol. But anyway I think we understand each other ;))

As you say janecc is a lost cause.

Its worse when your own DC presents are rejected. We used to do hand prints too but never saw them anywhere, whereas grandma ( great) has them everywhere! as other poster said, with blue tac all over the place!

However some people are just not into photos, an aunt of mine finds photos, and capturing memories depressing, maybe your dm is like this?

I just couldn't imagine my own DM doing this, yes she also had a complex almost for my DB he could do no wrong....but I always felt very much loved!

it amazes me it really does!

Venting is whats MN for .

Unfortunately no - she loves photos. Has lots of them in the house. Just rejects whatever I do.