To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

[CheekyGit]

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

I seriously cannot believe that people make such massive dramas out of petty shit like this.

If there's a bigger issue behind it, then just address that issue because, frankly, all this angst and overthinking about a calendar makes you look like a complete drama llama. It's a fucking calendar. You're not seven. Why are you making it into a competition? Who is going to have their hung up? Whose will be better?

It's Christmas, not a competition.

Do your gift, worry about that (if you must) but don't give headspace to other peoples' gifts - and pick your battles. Honestly.

You need to take a step back and look at your posts again, from the perspective of being an adult. Would you advise your DC to act like this, when they are older? It isn't healthy at all. You are going to make yourself stressed and unhappy and this issue just isn't worth it.

Pick your battles. Really.

Yes orange, I know, I was really surprised last year but managed to get over it. ( with help of MN thread

Oh come on though.

It's not like you've spent hours traipsing round the shops during the Christmas crush.

Just minimal enjoyable 'effort' and pics of your kids that you also get to keep forever.

I dont understand Diddl,

we didnt know about their calendar No. But without a doubt, they would know we were giving a calendar as I have said its a thing, we do it every year.

Nearly everyone I know does this every year though. This is 2016!

Personalised tat in this decade, is like Laura Ashley was in the 70s.

It's found in almost every home across the land.

I can't believe you're even slightly surprised your SIL wants to do this for her parents too, let alone "astounded".

I suppose Miffle its irked me as its something i wouldn't do.

If SIl always did a Christmas cake ( that everyone genuinely loved) , I wouldn't also do a Christmas cake ( and use her ingredients to do it), if sil always gave a lovely knitted scarf, I wouldn't then go and knit a scarf ( and use her wool), because

a) they don't need a scarf, - they have one and

b) its what sil does!

IF sil was an artist and gave them a new canvas every year, I wouldn't dream of attempting to do my own canvas and give it to them.

( and then use their paints) and so on...

We do a lovely calander every year, its well received and has been a success.

This man is now going out of his way to do a calendar and is now using my DC to do it. I am not the one in competition here.

anyway - I really really must get off this thread now, thanks. ( it has been very helpful)

As I said worra, I am close to DF and we adore each other, but giving him a calaneder of ME and key rings and ipad covers and goodness knows what else, is not something I would personally do. A nice pic of me in a frame, or me and him, yes...but not a whole 12 months of MY MUG in RAW close up.

"I dont understand Diddl,

we didnt know about their calendar No. But without a doubt, they would know we were giving a calendar as I have said its a thing, we do it every year."

Sorry!

I was reading it being your first Christmas at ILs & also the first time you gave a calendar.

Honestly, why did you not just loudly ask this man you've met a few times...
WHY ARE YOU TAKING PHOTOS OF MY CHILDREN? And how are you intending on using them because I'm not comfortable with you posting them anywhere online. If you'd like a photo of them for your home, we can give you one of our calendars.

If he says he just likes taking photos, suggest to him he goes to a particular play park.

Then watch him get clobbered by angry mum mob (despite doing nothing illegal by taking photos in a public park).

I'm not sure what's worse. That the OP might be genuinely bothered about this situation or if she is just having fun with us...

I'm guessing it's the latter

Upsil, I really like your line it made me If I see him doing it again I will say exactly that!

Its easy to think of these things with hindsight I did try and joke about him taking pics but with a not so jokey edge to my voice, that would have been so perfect though.

We have never given Them a calendar before maybe this year is the time.

I dont mind having fun Mathew, I think funny posts that make me laugh about the whole thing really help.

Oh FFS people, can you really not read the situation the OP is in? All this harumphing 'it's only a calendar', no it is not ONLY a fucking calendar!

OP's DH has been treated like shit and second-best to his uber-competitive sister all his life, do you not think that has affected the poor man (and the boy he was)? He happens upon something that gets him some approval from his shitty parents, something the child inside him still craves, and little miss GoldenChild gets the hump; no, she's not content with 95% of the parental approval, she wants 100%, and sets out to out-do second-best brother at the one thing - the one thing - that he and his parents can connect over. And her/his parents are such shits that they would indeed stomp all over his vulnerable feelings on this matter, praising his sister's efforts over his ALL OVER AGAIN and the OP knows it.

It's not about the calendar, it's about her DH being made to feel second-best again. And what that would do to him, and how it would tear her heart to see him that way.

OP, you mentioned earlier that your PIL had nearly split you and DH apart, I'm guessing through his need for parental approval and therefore acceptance of their shitty behaviour and your objection to said shitty behaviour? Ideally, he could get past this need and you could collectively tell them to go fuck themselves. Is there any chance that he would go for counselling? Because until he can detach, you're always going to be waiting for that next bit of shitty behaviour from PIL/SIL.

Thanks for the armchair psych-analysis. You must know these people well to be able to berate others for not knowing the true situation as you do?

Oh FFS people, can you really not read the situation the OP is in? All this harumphing 'it's only a calendar', no it is not ONLY a fucking calendar!

Could you prehaps not be so rude just because some may not come to the same conclusions as you. about someone you don't know

I think you should do a comedy calendar of you and DH just for your SIL and her husband Then promise to visit faithfully on a monthly basis so you can see that she's using it .........

whereyourleftit#

Of course your spot on. His calander behind hers. Its always HIM behind her and behind her BF ( and behind her last DH).

The sad thing is - things are getting a lot better which is why its really irritating that her BF ( and her) have decided to do this. Maybe its because things are getting better they have decided to do this.

in the past we have been to couples couselling and he has also had some ing counselling.

Tread the immature part of me would love to shower them all in a plethora of photo gifts, close up of DH eating, dh doing a rat face, really un appealing images, dh piucking his nose, on cushions, cups, calenders - each day a new vice,

lots of pics of us toasting ourselves and our love .

Ideally, he could get past this need and you could collectively tell them to go fuck themselves

also when we did go NC for a while, any guests that came over, alll go through his DP to meet at "their" house. No one came here. So DH looses his wider family too as they all go through them, we tried, he tried to talk to his GM, an uncle was supposed to visit but his DF got that changed to his house, but we didnt go.

Dh is very shy and reserved and simply does not have the family ties and relationships to sustain without his parents as a conduit.

As I said previously, I do want my dc to know their wider family, just could happily live without sil.

"Dh is very shy and reserved and simply does not have the family ties and relationships to sustain without his parents as a conduit."

If he needs to go through his parents then surely these "relationships" aren't worth having?

I think you're over reacting a bit. You don't know that they're going to use the photos in their calendar so you're worrying too soon. The pil will prefer your calendar anyway. He might have just thought it would be nice to take photos and share them with you. If you don't put photos of your kids on social media (fair enough) then I think sending them a message to let them know is a good idea.

Thanks for the armchair psych-analysis. You must know these people well to be able to berate others for not knowing the true situation as you do?

I dont think you need a degree is psychology to understand as the OP has mentioned about DH always being treated as the poor relation, second best.

well diddl thats a whole other thread.

( and has been in the past).

we had to go No contact for a while, and I think it has helped to soften pils a bit as they do seem to be trying more. I would prefer to be in that out as it where for all our sakes.

seven trying to put myself in sil or her partners shoes, as I was the golden child in my fam too the difference being I loved my brother ( much older) and wasn't happy about it at all. It was mainly my DF though who adored me and my dm did too but was feircley protective of my DB. Lets say DB who is a chef made the xmas cake every year, I just cant imagine any sweet or caring place I would be coming from by also trying to make a cake. If it was the only thing he did once a year that brought my dp some joy esp from a disapproving DF. I just cannot in any way think I would ever bother to replicate the cake!

You sound touchy, paranoid and a bit petty.

People can have two calendars you know. There doesn't need to be some big scheme to overthrow you! In my family we started photo gifts but everyone else has had a go. We include each other's children and those who haven't children take even more photos of our children than everyone else! It didn't occur to me to think 'how dare you, we have the monopoly on that!'. You can't afford to think like that or you would lose everyone as friends. Or perhaps that's already happened.

You're obsessive and the problem is, you're seeing everything through a lens in which everyone else is obsessive, too. Plus, it sounds like you've done a calendar once or twice before at most.

Don't you think life is too short for all this?

If you don't want your children photographed, that's different. Just say so. Jokes about modelling fees would seem just that to me - jokes.

Gone what utterly strange comments.

I cannot believe you have even read this thread. We have been doing the calendars for 7 years.

. Its lovely that your all able to muck in and do photos for your photo gifts. I suspect your family is much nicer and fairer than DH is. Perhaps your siblings all love your dc and care for them, unlike the dsil and partner in question who have never ever bothered with our dc. So it sticks in the craw for them to come in, immeidalty take pics, denoting a relationship which frankly isnt there for the same blody gift.

Plus I shouldn't have to make any hints, I have met this man briefly once before I wouldn't start endlessly photographing dc in his position without even a nod or asking the parents.