Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the initiave and say NO you cannot use pictures of my children for a calender for the GPS and family!

192 replies

CheekyGit · 08/05/2016 20:25

Every year we give both sets of GP's a calender of the dc...and the great GP and aunt.

We dont earn much at the moment, I am a sahm, dh wage small and PILS are quite well off. Before DC we have got them different gifts and most of them had not been well received. Or never seen again. Then, finally the calender is something we hit on thats perfect, Iots of work goes into it, its not that expensive and we know they love it and use it. Its also a lovely catalogue of pictures for the pils.

This year at xmas I was astounded to see that Dh sister had also given the pils a calender of her and her partner, I think the partner did it. It looks like they have done other photo pics too.

Dsil and her partner both earn far more than us. If Dh and I had more spending power, we would have more present power!

I was annoyed they also gave pils a calender of themselves - toasting each other and so on but managed to get over it, as PILS clearly have our calender up and theirs behind.

Anyway yesterday, we were at family meal and dsils partner, pretty much stalked my DC taking loads of pics. It was like a paid wedding photographer, every moment with grandma, every moment with DSIL he was there with camera, EVERY MOMENT, the girls ran off to meadow area, he followed snapping away.

I have a strong feeling this year, some of those pics will end up in a calender.

I mean....am I being UR here? Not to want this? Its the one gift we do for pils..why cant they do something else. I want to drop a line to say " lovely to see you today, by the way, I dont want any photos of our girls used for present purposes to pils ( dh parents)?? I find it really odd.

Or should I just ignore it? Let them do a calender of our dc as well? Our calenders are known in the family as really lovely and we do take good pictures....I find this odd.

Rant over - phew.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 10:59

Red, its wonderful you can do that with your sIL but hell would freeze over before I let sil in to work on our calendar together!

I suppose Pils have also been instrumental in my loathing here because when for instance our fridge broke Fil would say " shall I get sil to call you - to help you find a new fridge" Confused Or after dd1 was born, without my - or dh consent, they came to our house and I heard sil telling DH " I am moving your furniture round to a more agreeable arrangement" I came home to everything moved, stuff chucked away.

We shooed them out, but then SIl had the cheek to come back and question as to why a large box was in our hall way and were we planning on throwing it away! Other stuff we have had issues with Fil has kindly offered to put us in touch with SIL to help us.

Its help - that we have kindly declined Angry Grin . Its madness. Laughing and cringing at the idea we all work on the calendar.

Bombadier I think has hit the nail on the head, its Pils who have created this competitive atmosphere and they have done it with DH and sil, rather than loving them equally, they have compared them, and how successful they think they are.

I am going to try and rise above it and not get dragged into this game.

But I will at some point let DSIL partner know I am un comfortable with him following my girls round - incessantly and taking pics, I have to say - I wouldnt do it AT ALL, even with friends DC I always ask - do you mind If I take a pic and I would not put it on social media.

OP posts:
Inertia · 09/05/2016 10:59

You just need to train your children to say , really loudly, "Please stop taking photos of me all the time Uncle Steve! I don't like it!". After all, they are children and probably just want to play.

There's no point getting involved in any kind of competition with SIL. Your PIL sound horrible anyway.

diddl · 09/05/2016 11:03

Jeez, bin the lot of them!

" Fil would say " shall I get sil to call you - to help you find a new fridge"-did anyone tell him not to be so bloody ridiculous?

"I heard sil telling DH " I am moving your furniture round to a more agreeable arrangement" I came home to everything moved, stuff chucked away-so why did your husband let it happen?

Why are they so involved?

How do they get into your house when you aren't there?

A broken fridge would be replaced before a sibling or parent even knew that it was broken-if they were ever told.

Do your Pils think that your husband can't cope without "help" from them & his sister?

If so, why?

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:11

They used to think that Diddle, Not any more Grin.

This was all a few years ago. the fridge etc just explaining why I would never ask to work on our wonderful calendar with sil.

On the other hand I do feel comfortable to say now, on future dates " will sil and her BF be there please as I felt the photo taking was too much last time and DD doesnt like it. "

My own DSIS is a MAD photographer, always known as the photographer of the family, she came to visit dd when she was 5 and even she wasnt as bad as this guy!

I am starting to be able to put it all in perspective now. I am getting there.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 09/05/2016 11:30

Well TBH that makes you PART of the problem...

You have made it into a competition. You are letting it become a bigger issue.

Babettescat · 09/05/2016 11:31

I agree paulankathedog it's incomprehensible the entire thing. And what on earth is their calendar is behind our calendar so that's a win! Is there a long archway with columns one behind the other on which calendars hang?!"

The mind boggles.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:34

mathew on letting it all go, I had, but feel this is rubbing our noses in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:40

No Babett, its on one hook, one tucked behind the other.

Last xmas, the first we have spent there in years and the FIRST time I ever met DSIL BF, we gave out gifts, and handed over the ...."calendar".

Dsils BF, sidled up to me, and was intently looking through it. I was chatting away saying " we have had such a busy year, we have not had as much time, with a toddler in tow to look through all the pics and edit etc, its so time consuming,but we don't mind, every seems to love them"

This guy just said " yeah I know", carried on intently looking at it and that was it.

Then I noticed, he had also done pils a calendar! why didn't he say something> we were talking about calendars. I just felt there was something odd and sneaky about that! he was clearly checking out the competition ! He had plenty of opportunities then to say " actually its a great gift so we have decided to do one of US" Grin

OP posts:
MatthewWrightIsThick · 09/05/2016 11:41

Cheeky. You obviously hasn't let it go if you were still so easy to wind up. This is the sort of crap that goes on in all sorts of families. Just disengage and get off the carousel of crap. It's your DHs family why on earth do you care who's photo is on the wall. It's a bit silly. I'm being polite

You know the whole thing about not being able to change other people's actions but changing your own.... I think that's relevant here. If you 'win' this round do you honestly think there won't be another round soon.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:41

Maybe I should buy some rosettes for xmas this year, and put Pils on the stop and have a "Calendar jugging competition" . Bring all the ridiculousness out in the open. Only first prize gets displayed Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:43

Mathew My idea situation is

  1. this man stops stalking my DD and taking photos

  2. does not put any photos of my dc onto a calender or any photo gifts.

  3. I am happy to let them do their own calendar for pils but I would rather not give them one, and enter this game.

If dh had said " yeah, let dsil do it this year, lets save the ££" then there would be no issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 11:45

mathew love your name BTW Grin

OP posts:
CoolforKittyCats · 09/05/2016 11:47

It's your DHs family why on earth do you care who's photo is on the wall. It's a bit silly. I'm being polite

Completely agree.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2016 11:49

How is it 'time consuming'?

Part of the popularity of this sort of thing is that it takes little to no effort at all.

You just need to snap some pics (they're your own kids anyway, so no big deal), upload and hit Paypal.

You don't even need to leave the house.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/05/2016 11:53

I have never in my life known such angst over a calender.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 12:00

I have a few friends who do calendars and its that sort of thing Worral. Quick, nice pics whack them on the calendar. Not much thought to back ground or other stuff, and thats fine and wonderful too.

Dh and I have always put more into it, much more thought, its a really lovely ritual I enjoy at xmas! My own DF is also quite hard to buy for but its a hit for him too, and WE - I love them!
I enjoy it, its part of xmas to sit down, sift through, do a few edits, then put it together by month, and its a lovely feeling knowing how much pleasure its going to give. At xmas, all the GP's have perked up visibly when the calendars are given out and they ooh and ahh over the pics. Its been really lovely.

dh and i don't even buy each other gifts at xmas or bdays, ££ has been too tight, so I guess this is our way of giving something precious and lovely with lots of thought.

anyway I am now starting to bore myself. Grin

OP posts:
MarchEliza · 09/05/2016 12:02

So they send people a whole calendar of photos of themselves???

I'm sorry I can't get over that Grin what absolute tools!

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 12:06

Yes March Grin this is the sort of character I am dealing with.

OP posts:
OrangesandLemonsNow · 09/05/2016 12:06

Jeez so much angst over a calender Hmm

You don't own the monopoly OP and if others want to do them you are in no position to say you shouldn't.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 12:08

I would like to think , when it comes to my own dc, I do own the monoploy on their images being on a calandar.

OP posts:
CoolforKittyCats · 09/05/2016 12:08

So they send people a whole calendar of photos of themselves???

Tbf OP gives a calender full of their family. I don't see the diffeence shrug

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/05/2016 12:09

You don't even know they are going to use them for the bloody calender!

OrangesandLemonsNow · 09/05/2016 12:10

I would like to think , when it comes to my own dc, I do own the monoploy on their images being on a calandar.

You don't get to say if they do a calender though of themselves or who's takes 'priority' within PIL house.

All seems ott.

Original poster
CheekyGit · 09/05/2016 12:14

Only our DC cool, and their only GC.

As I said they all seemed to perk up considerably and enjoy looking at them in the past, if they were not so well received we wouldn't have done it.

They see SIL and BF all the time, live round corner, but obviously felt need to share their images even further with them. My DF adores me, but I wouldnt want to swamp him with huge close up images of myself! He wants to see his GC!

Paul, I would bet my house on it.

if not for calandar why did this man literally jump up at every moment to follow my dc round the garden snapping away? DD goes up to grandma, camera out, DD goes up to sil, snap snap...

If this was just a couple of snaps, I would get it, but this occupied his whole time. He got it out as soon as he arrived.

anyway - gonna try not to reply any more now, have had some really good advice and posts, its slowly coming out of my system!

OP posts:
diddl · 09/05/2016 12:14

"Last xmas, the first we have spent there in years and the FIRST time I ever met DSIL BF, we gave out gifts, and handed over the ...."calendar".

Dsils BF, sidled up to me, and was intently looking through it. I was chatting away saying " we have had such a busy year, we have not had as much time, with a toddler in tow to look through all the pics and edit etc, its so time consuming,but we don't mind, every seems to love them"

This guy just said " yeah I know", carried on intently looking at it and that was it. "

So last year you both gave Pils a calendar without knowing?

How has that caused so much angst?