Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Am I overthinking this or was the ballet teacher out of order?

135 replies

mika2 · 02/05/2016 22:05

DD is 2.5 and she started ballet a couple of weeks ago. It's drop off and parents are not allowed to watch the class and can't even peek through a window or door which makes me a bit uncomfortable Anyway I dropped her for her first class and she was happy enough when I picked her up but the teacher said she was fine but cried a few times For her second class the nanny dropped her off. The uniform is a tutu, white tights, cardigan, ballet shoes. I hadn't bought the tights as weather is getting better (supposedly) but it was cold so the nanny put her in her own white tights (slightly thicker than the ballet tights) and put on a vest underneath the tutu (which you could barely see as she was also wearing a cardigan) Anyway nanny picked her up and the teacher had taken off her vest and tights. She told the nanny those were the wrong tights and she doesn't need the vest as the room is warm. She had to strip her down to her knickers to take them off as the tights and vest were underneath her tutu. This really bothers me as I feel it's a total invasion of my daughters privacy. Clearly at 2.5 she's not really in a position to object! And I'm sure she was crying her eyes out while it was happening. I can't imagine a teacher would be allowed to do this in a school??

Thoughts please? Am I overthinking this? WWYD?

OP posts:

Passmethecrisps · 02/05/2016 22:08

Why do you think she was crying her eyes out? I suspect my 3 yo would let any adult in authority do this actually. Is she terribly anxious of strangers

Smartiepants79 · 02/05/2016 22:09

For a toddler ballet class this level of 'uniform' is utterly ridiculous. Special tights doesn't make them into prima ballerinas.
I would start looking for somewhere else to send her. No other adult has the right to remove clothing from your child. How many adults were in the room. That teacher is on very dodgy ground unnecessaryily undressing a small child like that.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/05/2016 22:09

I think teachers can change children at school, and if your daughter was hot and running around, she may have been happier without the vest and tights.

Thst said, you sound very uncomfortable about the teacher so I wouldn't send her again for that reason - not because she changed your child but because your gut instinct is not good.

marmiteloversunite · 02/05/2016 22:11

That would really bother me too. Surely if she was hot she could have just helped her take off the cardigan. Also any white tights should have been fine for the first few weeks. Where there any other adults in the room? At school an adult would not be allowed to strip a child to their underwear without another adult there.

Itsmine · 02/05/2016 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

echelon · 02/05/2016 22:13

I would be very uncomfortable. Why are parents not allowed to observe the children? Is this standard in ballet classes?

LaurieMarlow · 02/05/2016 22:13

I can't imagine leaving a 2.5 year old in a class like that were I wasn't even allowed to watch. How long is it?

I'd move her to to a more toddler friendly class.

Wolfiefan · 02/05/2016 22:13

Stripping down to her knickers wouldn't bother me. But I wouldn't send my toddler somewhere that had her in tears and wouldn't let me stay.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 02/05/2016 22:14

Why on earth are you sending a 2.5 yo to a class without you or any other trusted adult where she has to wear a strict uniform. She's 2.5 FFS. Why would you?

andintothefire · 02/05/2016 22:15

It does sound slightly odd. However, I wonder if the teacher was partly thinking of your daughter's comfort because the tights and vest might have been too hot while she was doing something energetic? I would probably not say anything and just stick to the uniform from now on to be honest. If you are happy with the class in other ways it doesn't seem too bad to me.

Passmethecrisps · 02/05/2016 22:15

Actually my answer reinforces others weirdly. My dd would do whatever a grown up told her to as tat is the child she is. For that reason a class which didn't allow any sort of supervision would be strange

Peppapogstillonaloop · 02/05/2016 22:15

Dress code is excessive but some ballet schools are just like that...don't think teacher was particularly out of line but might be an idea to look for something more toddler friendly/that you feel happier with..

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 02/05/2016 22:16

Wtf? At 2.5 they have to stick to such a strict dress code? I'd be amazed if a ballet class for 2.5 year olds resembles anything other than herding ducks.

BikeRunSki · 02/05/2016 22:16

Bonkers at that age.
DD had been going to ballet since about 2.5 and "uniform" is not compulsory or consistent until they are school age. Most of the girls (including my tomboy DD) like the opportunity to dress up in tutus once a week. At 4 now, they are very disparaging about The Boy who wears a white 2 shirt and black sweat pants.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 02/05/2016 22:16

Do none of the local ballet schools do parent and child classes?

Ameliablue · 02/05/2016 22:17

I'd look for a different class.

WellErrr · 02/05/2016 22:19

Why on earth are you sending a 2.5 yo to a class without you or any other trusted adult where she has to wear a strict uniform. She's 2.5 FFS. Why would you?

This.

What a ridiculous situation. What can your DD possibly be getting out of this?

FWIW I have NEVER heard of a class for children under 4 where parents do not stay. It's ludicrous.

idontlikealdi · 02/05/2016 22:19

It sounds ridiculous for a ballet class for 2.5yo. DTs went to a ballet class, parents had to take part with the kids to prevent total carnage. I can't quite imagine a room full of 2.5yo doing any form of balled.

AppleAndBlackberry · 02/05/2016 22:20

2.5 seems very young for this type of class. Shouldn't they just be skipping around in circles at this age with parents sitting around the outside of the room? I wouldn't be too upset about the undressing in principal - you have to trust nursery workers etc to do this, but the reason for it isn't great (I.e. incorrect uniform rather than child too hot or anything else).

Ilovewillow · 02/05/2016 22:20

It sounds excessive firstly for such a strict uniform for lessons (I know for exams it is very strict) and secondly a class for children so young where adults cannot stay or even watch! My daughters ballet class has mother and toddler classes and even older ones can be watched therorgh the door and she is 7. I wouldn't be happy and be going elsewhere!

cinnamonorange · 02/05/2016 22:21

Some ballet schools are really strict. Nothing sinister - it's just the rules. I remember being moved around a couple of ballet schools when I was little until we had found one where I was happy.

BrownAjah · 02/05/2016 22:21

My son has only just started ballet be his class is very relaxed about the uniform. They are all infant school age and younger kids do a parent & child class. I would look elsewhere!

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/05/2016 22:23

I can kind of understand parents not being allowed in the room.to watch as sometimes they mess about or refuse to mingle and remain stuck to mommy/daddy's legs.

but not even being allowed to peek. .Wtf are they hiding

I wouldn't think anything of a bunch if kids dancing around on their pants if it happens to have gotten too hot or they got uncomfortable.

but the "wrong rights" fuck right off. leave the kids alone

secrecy and ridiculous unifirm rules on 2 yr olds.

yeah mine wouldn't be going back

icclemunchy · 02/05/2016 22:26

Not being able to stay to watch the class is fairly common. I help out at the school where DD1 goes and from the first class (age 3) they are encouraged to go in alone whilst their adult waits outside. We find if parents are in the class more time is spent running backwards and forwards to show mummy something or waving and not paying attention to the teacher. That said if they're upset we always bring parents in to reassure them!

The dress code is a bit daft. Our students are encouraged to wear the uniform (pink leotard/skirt/tights & cardi) but it's only insisted on for exams

PinguForPresident · 02/05/2016 22:27

It's entirely normal for parents not to be able to watch ballet classes. My daughter has been in ballet since she was 3, and we've always had 1 watching class per term, and the rest is done behind closed doors to avoid disruption.

Uniform is very, very common at ballet classes. My daugher's school is very strict. I'm fine with that. Ballet teachers working with pre-school kids are trained in how to work with them, I very much doubt your daughter would have been distressed by getting changed. She's right that a vest under the tutu is not required. Underwear isn't necessary under leotards - my daughter and her friends are adept at wriggling out of their knickers to get their dance clothes on. Small kids generally don't give a stuff about getting changed. As a licensed chaperone I've worked backstage with lots of small kids and none of them give a monkey's about whipping their clothes off.

If you don't like the ballet school for being strict with uniform, just look for one that's more relaxed. But it's really very normal for dance schools.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6