Am I overthinking this or was the ballet teacher out of order?

[mika2]

DD is 2.5 and she started ballet a couple of weeks ago. It's drop off and parents are not allowed to watch the class and can't even peek through a window or door which makes me a bit uncomfortable Anyway I dropped her for her first class and she was happy enough when I picked her up but the teacher said she was fine but cried a few times For her second class the nanny dropped her off. The uniform is a tutu, white tights, cardigan, ballet shoes. I hadn't bought the tights as weather is getting better (supposedly) but it was cold so the nanny put her in her own white tights (slightly thicker than the ballet tights) and put on a vest underneath the tutu (which you could barely see as she was also wearing a cardigan) Anyway nanny picked her up and the teacher had taken off her vest and tights. She told the nanny those were the wrong tights and she doesn't need the vest as the room is warm. She had to strip her down to her knickers to take them off as the tights and vest were underneath her tutu. This really bothers me as I feel it's a total invasion of my daughters privacy. Clearly at 2.5 she's not really in a position to object! And I'm sure she was crying her eyes out while it was happening. I can't imagine a teacher would be allowed to do this in a school??

Thoughts please? Am I overthinking this? WWYD?

My 5 yr old recently started ballet - parents are invited to stay with the child on their first lesson to see how they go - after that I was able to make an informed decision that this was a good/nice teacher and my daughter would enjoy the classes!! How have you not even seen the teacher?!

*MarthaCliffYouCunt

Wtf? At 2.5 they have to stick to such a strict dress code? I'd be amazed if a ballet class for 2.5 year olds resembles anything other than herding ducks*

This comment has made my week and describes exactly what I pay for for my DD

My dd is 2.9 and her ballet class is also no parents and has a strict uniform.

If you don't like it remove your dd but from all the paperwork and forms I was given to fill out you will have almost certainly signed up that you agree to adhere to the uniform code so yabu

As for the teacher removing her clothes, if she was hot and uncomfortable the teacher was correct to remove them.

Normal practice is 2 teachers/1 teacher and 1 assistant in these classes

Thanks for the feedback - even the ppl who think I'm crazy for sending her! I never did ballet when I was young so have no frame of reference and the other mums all seem to think it's totally normal and love having 45 mins for a child-free coffee etc. I'm really not that fussed about her doing ballet - can't wait until she's old enough for horse riding, tennis etc - but everyone seemed to be clamouring to get in so I just hopped on the bandwagon really. It's an extremely popular dance school locally - she was on a 6 month waiting list - and I thought she might enjoy it. I'm a bit reluctant to make a fuss as she'll probably really want to go there when she's older!

wouldn't the ballet staff need to help your DD with needing the toilet etc anyway, so I don't see anything too wrong with removing clothes if she was hot.
But the set up does sound very formal for a 2.5 year old. I agree with posters above who suggest something more toddler friendly.

The ballet uniform thing, while a bit strange IMHO, does seem to be the status quo in many ballet schools. Ditto the not having parents in the room thing. Dd's ballet school are like this - it's all quite formal - for example she took her first vaguely formal exam type thing (bronze mime) at 3 years old.
They are a very good school though - they make it all really fun - it wouldn't have been my kind of thing at all at that age, but she laps it up.
Re the getting your dd undressed thing, I don't think it's essentially inappropriate - presumably the staff have DBS checks. Many children of this age would have nappies changed by nursery or preschool staff. At the same time, if you feel that there is even a hint of anything sinister, you must, must trust your instincts.

Reluctant to make a fuss?! Jesus!

As someone who studied dance from 3-12 BUT who's also worked in child protection this is insane!

I absolutely would never recommend or support leaving a child so young with an adult YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET! let alone the clear breaches of safeguarding rules! Christ for all you know you're leaving her with Vanessa George!

Your child is more important than fitting in/blindly following other mums

My 3yr old dd goes to a small ballet class where parents are not allowed to stay, as it distracts the children. But the class is less than 10 toddlers, and at least 3/4 know the teacher outside of the ballet class which helps.
She also has a uniform. But it's not quite so strict. Aka pink sleeveless leotard (or swim costume) pink tights, pink tutu/ ballet skirt, pink leather ballet shoes when ready.
My daughter loves that class and it's all about fun, improving their co-ordination etc whilst teaching basic ballet

For a toddler ballet class this level of 'uniform' is utterly ridiculous. Special tights doesn't make them into prima ballerinas.

totally agree - what is it about some dance teachers that make them do this?? Probably charge a bloody fortune too.

Look for another class - she is TWO AND A HALF. My daughter goes to a class which is about having fun and learning dance basics while wearing leggings and a t-shirt.

I'm biased as I went to a very 'proper' ballet class and the teacher was a monster. Well, basically she was a raging narcissist whose pupils were only there to fulfil her personal fantasies. I was quite relieved when she eventually chucked me out (age 9 - I must have been going for years!) for being, I quote, a fairy hippopotamus. She didn't do my shaky self-esteem any good. And I don't happen to think it's a great idea to 'train' very young children in the rigid postures required by the art.

All that aside - no, I wouldn't be comfortable with a mysterious prima donna who doesn't even greet the parents at the door. I guess it depends whether DD's really happy about the work she does in class. Do you get the impression she's putting up with it, "being good"? Or is she full of the joys & can't wait to show & tell you everything?

If the child is hot you remove a cardigan, not a vest! absolutely bonkers, ignoring child protection, the woman is clearly an idiot wasting minutes stripping off layers beneath the outer one. and WYBU to leave your child with an idiot.

Agree that some dance schools are strict about uniform. I wouldn't have an issue with that...in fact, I think it is a positive thing. In your case, I think it might have been better if the teacher had spoken with you after the class about it though.

Parents not allowed into watch? Again, very common. I have no issue with that either. Makes perfect sense for reasons already put forward by other posters.

The thing I have got an issue with though is girls wearing tutus in class!! I guess it is done because the under 5s (and some parents) like it but it is more of a gimmick than anything. Leotards and tights are much more practical and are standard uniform. Tutus are only for performance.

If you don't like the ethos then perhaps go to a mother and 'baby' dance class instead rather than ballet. Ballet is about rules and discipline and by starting that early, they are preparing you for what is to come. There are plenty of more informal, fun, dance classes out there if you prefer.

My dd's ballet class doesn't allow parents in generally but she's does allow mum's in on their first lesson (or couple of lessons). My concerns is that you say your dd is crying in lessons. Ask to sit in with her or remove your dad and take her to another class. 2.5 is too young to be taking the ballet this seriously, it should be fun.

Don't remove your dad ... Bloody autocorrect!

at OP's dad learning his petit jetés

My dd has been to quite a few dance schools and most do not let you watch. I think they all bar one let you watch first lesson though.

I took dd to a school in a village hall which later turned out to be very strict.

We left sharpish after she expelled a two year old with SN for making 'distracting humming' and made a huge thing about another under 3 not having the right legs for ballet in front of all the parents.

Argh, neighbour! If it weren't for the fact my old teacher must be about 80 now, I'd worry it was the same woman!

What is this shit about children having the right body shape, manner and musculature for ballet? If your child's appropriately gifted and willing, they'll be offered tuition by some renowned school. Otherwise, it's a hobby. This isn't 1970s China, for fucksake.

My dd went to a really good dance school and parents were encouraged to stay until the junior class. they could go but parents were welcome as long as they sat quiet and read or watched their dc.
certainly you weren't dissuaded from being there in the early days.

I don't understand the uniform not that it is strict, but a tutu isn't even regulation wear, so not even getting them ready for exam uniform of leotard and cardi in years to come.
Regulation tights are the best and do last a long time, so well worth it.
I'd be looking for a new school, the best ones want the dc to be comfortable and happy, whilst taking your money.

Why on earth are people trying to make out that it was anything to do with the child being hot? Children do plenty of other (more?) energetic classes - football, less formal dance classes, karate, drama, playball etc. fully clothed. I doubt the child was in danger of expiring because of a pair of tights and a vest.

I've assisted a child to take off a vest when she got too hot in a drama class.

Thick tights are madness. Mind you do is a tutu at that age. It should be leotard, gauzy wrap skirt & ballet socks at that age.

I disagree that you need to start the rules of ballet aged 2.5 years. My dd's attended a fantastic school with a waiting list for many years, but the main teacher was the opposite of the one you described (she had been a ballerina herself in a well known company for many years)- she was approachable, came out to speak with the parents, responded to their questions/needs/enquiries about how the little ones were getting on. Dress code was given but more relaxed (e.g. tights or socks) and no real pressure to have it perfect til first exams at 5/6 or older. She didn't have parents sitting in regularly, except if their child was naughty then they were allowed in to see the problem, or if they were upset, when they were allowed in to see if the child could be settled/any issues sorted out.

She was/is such a lovely charming person. She had large numbers of pupils staying on til 16+. You can have high standards but not be ridiculous over a 2.5 year old and she often used to advise parents to wait a bit, not take a crying child into a class.

& when ds did taekwondo he wore a pure cotton White taekwondo suit. Anything more than a very lightweight t shirt & hed overheat.

I do get why they don't want parents sitting in, with very young children it would be mayhem a they would be focussed on the parents, not the teacher.

However I am baffled by the tutu! Surely that is for the parents pure and simple? A decent ballet school doesn't want students in tutus, it is much harder to see the dancers' lines, leotards are standard. I would assume tutus were all about fulfilling mums and dads Angelina fantasies, so surely it would be tutus plus gooey-eyed parents, not tutus and draconian dance class etiquette.

I think for some children this kind of class aged 2.5 can work, it did for me. I took my own daughter to ballet classes at around the same age (or maybe 3) and she didn't like it so I stopped. At such a young age I'd always be child-led on an extra-curricular activities.

Does your daughter seem happy to go and chat about her class afterwards and want to show you the little things she has learned?

My dd did ballet at 3. Parents were not allowed in to watch. DD hated it and we eventually left it after a few months. DD wanted to do it but was too young. It was all very unpleasant for me as a parent and her as a child!

I would certainly make a fuss about another adult changing my child's clothing, even if it was completely innocent. It's just not done these days.

Find anther group or activity which she might enjoy more.