Am I overthinking this or was the ballet teacher out of order?

[mika2]

DD is 2.5 and she started ballet a couple of weeks ago. It's drop off and parents are not allowed to watch the class and can't even peek through a window or door which makes me a bit uncomfortable Anyway I dropped her for her first class and she was happy enough when I picked her up but the teacher said she was fine but cried a few times For her second class the nanny dropped her off. The uniform is a tutu, white tights, cardigan, ballet shoes. I hadn't bought the tights as weather is getting better (supposedly) but it was cold so the nanny put her in her own white tights (slightly thicker than the ballet tights) and put on a vest underneath the tutu (which you could barely see as she was also wearing a cardigan) Anyway nanny picked her up and the teacher had taken off her vest and tights. She told the nanny those were the wrong tights and she doesn't need the vest as the room is warm. She had to strip her down to her knickers to take them off as the tights and vest were underneath her tutu. This really bothers me as I feel it's a total invasion of my daughters privacy. Clearly at 2.5 she's not really in a position to object! And I'm sure she was crying her eyes out while it was happening. I can't imagine a teacher would be allowed to do this in a school??

Thoughts please? Am I overthinking this? WWYD?

Sorry but most decent ballet schools are strict with dress code. My dd ballet class accepts children from 12 months but they must be stable on their feet and happy to be left and in correct uniform. Parents can wait in the dressing room if they wish where they can hear what is happening but not see. Can you imagine what would happen if parents / nannies were allowed to sit in the sane room as a dance teacher was teaching in?

our ballet school take them from 3, the doors shut (also n windows) but parents sit in the foyer in case LO need the loo, or cry for some reason...

undressing a child is a bit odd...here we can buy the correct ballet tights or socks - but some parents do just use woolly white tights instead.

maybe ballet teacher thought she looked hot? but better to take off cardi and have a drink, and advise parent prior to the next class.

This all sounds rather too formal and unsuitable if your DD is crying at each class. My toddler DD attends a pre school dance class at a dance school. It is very informal and parents are present (and join in!). Quite a few of the little girls wear dance type outfits but my DD usually wears leggings and a t-shirt. There is no set uniform. Have you had a chance to observe what they do in classes? I would either look for a more informal class or hold off for a year.

unifirm.on a 12m old? seriously.

Go somewhere else. Uniform completely over the top and plenty of parents will agree with that. DD did ballet at an excellent school from the age of four. Just informal nursery classes before that. Socks for pre-primary , so no tights until primary nursery around the age of 5/6. Can't imagine what a class like the OP's would be like with no parents around.

Or do you have plans for your DD doing ballet for anything other than pleasure?

Nope that wouldn't be for me. Not what I would want to get out of it for my daughter. Though I have no grand expectations for her dancing I just want her to have fun and build confidence and social skills. Might be different if ballet is a main goal I don't know

OP, I think I can understand why the teacher changed you daughter's clothes and that might be because she was seriously worried about her getting too hot.

As the room was warm and she would have been moving around, and had a cardigan on, a vest and thicker tights, she might have dangerously overheated.

I think it was more the whole situation of her being there alone that would have been best avoided..

It was this that meant the only person available to intervene with your baby's too hot clothing was the teacher herself. It is a little like what might have happened had she been at a nursery and needed to be changed by one of the staff there.

I do not mean to attack you OP and I can see why you are very upset and worried over what happened.

But what teaching ideology does mummy-free ballet for a baby come from?
It cannot be a serious one. It's the opposite of suzuki if you see what I mean.

I think 2.5 is way to young to be at a class. It might be different if she was there with you or her nanny and everyone did some dancing and clapping. It should be very light hearted, listening and moving to music.

At a nursery she would be without you or her nanny, but then there would be lots of helpers and she would have been used to it there everyday. Even then it is worrying.

It seems formal and unnecessary for a baby to be in a serious class alone at this age! That would be better for about four or five in my opinion.

Is it really ballet, or is it more music movement and mime? (I am just interested.)

I don't think it's weird to put a 2.5 yo in ballet class.and not be allowed to watch them. My DD1 did ballet from this age. Parents were strongly discouraged from watching as the toddlers found it too distracting. And for older children it is an invasion of privacy to have strange adults watching them do a dance class.

My DD1 was also in uniform from this age. BUT I'm sure her teacher would not have stripped her of tights and vest unless she was in real discomfort and wanted them taken off. Non uniform rights should not be a big deal at any age unless in exam or show.

I'd simply chat to the teacher and see how she reacts. You will either feel comfortable and reassured by her or you won't. Either way, trust your gut instinct and go with it.

This drove me mad when my dd went to ballet.

Why does a 2.5 yo dd need special tights? No fucking reason!

It seems all ballet schools I've heard of don't let parents watch, for some reason.

I would tell the dance teacher you didn't like her undressing dd, and ask why you just didn't take off her cardi, then (depending on her response), look for another dance school.

Hairy, that's bonkers, why would any patent send an under two to a class with a strict dress code?

Urgh, get her out of there and take her to Tumble Tots or somewhere fun.

One of my most vivid childhood memories is bawling my eyes out in a ballet class having been berated because I couldn't/wouldn't curl up into a ball as I'd cricked my neck.

If you are your daughter is so insistent on going to ballet find another class with another teacher.

some ballet schools are very strict. Is that ok with you? If not, find another class as this is only going to get worse. My DD has been in dance school since that age, this is the third school she's been at - first one was far too strict, second one closed down, current one (she's 13 now) is ok but you do have to be on the ball with rules - that is the nature of them, if you are taking it seriously.

Why not find somewhere else where the teacher is less of a stickler?

Doesn't sound great
What did your DD say to you?

Also I know a lot of them have uniforms but I'm surprised by tutu, ballet dress is more usual isn't it, the leotard with the frill of a skirt? Sorry awful description bit I just winder if this strict code is about making money for an outfitter.

I think at 2.5 she should go somewhere more relaxed, if she's going to be a really high standard she will still find out later, she should be bit less stressed at this age!

I don't have a problem with the teacher - I've never even seen her tbh as the assistant literally opens the door a crack to let the kids in and out! My gut instinct isn't good because I def don't think they changed my DD's clothes for her benefit. The ballet school seems incredibly strict judging by the continuous emails reminding parents about their never ending list of rules... So I'm sure it was because her uniform was not 100% correct that they stripped her off. But it's true my DD might not have minded at all... But I think a teacher helping a child get changed into PE kit etc is a bit different to stripping down a child in front of her class because her uniform is not exactly right. And I hate the fact that I have no idea what goes on in there as she can't exactly tell me! There is one class a term where parents are allowed to watch but there are about 25 rules around this too - only one adult per child, no siblings, no changing date for any reason etc etc!

My DC went to ballet from 3 years and DD2 will probably do the same if she likes it. There's a regulation uniform, and although parents aren't allowed to watch, we sit in the little room next to the studio and can see and hear what's happening.

It's very unlikely the ballet teacher would make one of the little ones change their clothes, but she might flag it up for next time. That is a bit much and my DC would have been upset at that.

But for all those making barely-concealed slights at the OP for her DD taking part in ballet lessons, my DC absolutely loved it. They pretended to be horses, fairies, waterfalls, clapped along to the piano music, etc.

It's not exactly gruelling.

Good God this thread makes surreal reading. Do people really want to inflict this kind of insanity on toddlers?

I accept that ballet schools must be rigidly controlled and highly strict (by definition, it's a strict dance discipline) but had always assumed that the intensity of the strictness would only really kick in once children were 4/5yrs or so.

How, how, how do they enforce this kind of strictness for 1 and 2 yo children, many of whom are presumably still in nappies? How can that work with a tutu? And if in nappies what happens if they soil, if no parents allowed in?

Kind of thread that makes me hugely glad to be the mother of boys who have no interest in dance whatsoever

OP, YANBU. If I were you I'd be hoiking your DD out of there pronto. There is plenty of time for formal ballet when she is a bit older. I honestly could not put a 2.5yo child through this kind of class and cannot imagine that any sensible parent would want to.

No parents allowed seems normal to me - from the school year they turn 3 onwards
Uniform rules also seem usual.

Yeah they might be pretending to be horses and fairies and whatever. The OP wouldn't know though, because she doesn't get to see beyond the crack in the door. And her 2 year old can't tell her about it. Bizzare.

My gut instinct isn't good because I def don't think they changed my DD's clothes for her benefit.

And I hate the fact that I have no idea what goes on in there as she can't exactly tell me!

Haven't you just told yourself everything you need to know?

I'd feel uncomfortable with the teacher stripping my child also. If it was the wrong uniform, a word with you after the class is sufficient. There's no need for the teacher to,undress your daughter, u less your daughter was feeling ill, and if that was the case, you should have been informed.

You leave your 2.5 year old with a woman you've never even SEEN? This is just insane. Take her to the park, or swimming or something.

I used to teach ballet - I have never understood why little ones need tutus on? It's an Instagram trend. They need tights and leotard,no need for anything else

Poor child attending ballet at 2.5 years. I bet she doesn't know what she's doing apart from skipping around in a silly fussy dress etc....

I recall starting ballet at 4-5 and hated it even then as it seemed crowded, rushed and in a cold draughty church hall and it was the latest phase/most recently opened ballet class in the area and was massively oversubscribed and seemed a mess with so it seemed to me not much ballet being taught! Half the kids didn't return and I only returned at about 6-7 to another ballet school far better run and I felt more confident going then.

At 2.5 you or nanny should be going with her not just her. Poor little girl.

Trust your instincts. You will feel better if you do. I would never leave a child of mine at that age if the atmosphere was so restrictive. I didn't even leave my child to have an operation when he was that age - I stayed with him and was encouraged to do so. I was left at a convent school when I was just over two years old each day. It was expected back then. My main memory was being caned on the hand for getting my sums wrong. I was two!!! I didn't tell my parents as I assumed they knew and approved. It was a regular happening and it did nothing to encourage me to relax and do well with maths. You don't know what is going on and your kid won't tell you at that age. Not something I'd be happy about in your shoes.