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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overthinking this or was the ballet teacher out of order?

135 replies

mika2 · 02/05/2016 22:05

DD is 2.5 and she started ballet a couple of weeks ago. It's drop off and parents are not allowed to watch the class and can't even peek through a window or door which makes me a bit uncomfortable Anyway I dropped her for her first class and she was happy enough when I picked her up but the teacher said she was fine but cried a few times Hmm For her second class the nanny dropped her off. The uniform is a tutu, white tights, cardigan, ballet shoes. I hadn't bought the tights as weather is getting better (supposedly) but it was cold so the nanny put her in her own white tights (slightly thicker than the ballet tights) and put on a vest underneath the tutu (which you could barely see as she was also wearing a cardigan) Anyway nanny picked her up and the teacher had taken off her vest and tights. She told the nanny those were the wrong tights and she doesn't need the vest as the room is warm. She had to strip her down to her knickers to take them off as the tights and vest were underneath her tutu. This really bothers me as I feel it's a total invasion of my daughters privacy. Clearly at 2.5 she's not really in a position to object! And I'm sure she was crying her eyes out while it was happening. I can't imagine a teacher would be allowed to do this in a school??

Thoughts please? Am I overthinking this? WWYD?

OP posts:
foursillybeans · 02/05/2016 22:52

Ballet is very old school. If that is the uniform then that is the uniform. YWBU by not sending her in it. It is also an exercise class and your DD will not need a vest even in the snow. Dance studios are heated to suit the children whilst they are dancing. You need to respect the dance teacher's rules and show this to your DD. Otherwise find another style of dance for your DD. Ballet will always be disciplined and traditional in the teaching style. It is required when learning.

KindDogsTail · 02/05/2016 22:54

If it was a sort of obsessive compulsive madness about uniforms on the teacher's part that does not sound right.

In this clip of a particular class the mummies seem to be there and the atmosphere extremely happy.
www.babyballet.co.uk/About+Us/Gallery/

SuperFlyHigh · 02/05/2016 22:55

Also at that age it really is skipping, very basic ballet moves etc... I doubt if they understand what a plie etc is at 2.5!

3 would be the very earliest I'd send my DD and even then I'd probably hold off until 4/5 very earliest.

Hairyfairy01 · 02/05/2016 22:55

For you op, I think you need to look at other classes. However this really is normal for ballet classes. Ballet is a strict discipline, it gets worse as they get oider. To me the pros outweigh the cons though.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 02/05/2016 22:55

This sounds insane. Reading this thread and after my own experience in ballet classes as a young child I am so glad DD has never had ballet lessons.

Seriously what is the matter with some ballet teachers?

Get your child out of there OP. Nothing in your op makes it sound as she is happy there or getting anything positive out of the lessons.

DMjournosrscum · 02/05/2016 22:55

Omg. I struggle to see how inflicting this on a 2.5 year old is of any benefit to her esp if she is crying. I personally would never leave a child unsupervised with effectively a stranger I didn't know except in a nursery with many staff and clearly regulated safeguarding procedures. I would wait until your DD can clearly explain whether she is happy or not in a situation before leaving her.

foursillybeans · 02/05/2016 22:55

When learning ballet I mean. Other types of learning can be much more flexible. You sound like you have chosen a proper ballet school with a ballet mistress. Try a different Sat morning at the local church hall type class if you want her to do play style ballet. I'm not trying to rude btw just honest about the different types of dancing facilities.

Pollaidh · 02/05/2016 22:56

That sounds mad. She doesn't really need to be in a class like that until she's 4 or 5, and even then I find the RAD uniform rules a bit crazy. We don't watch at the age of 4.

Maybe you could find a more relaxed ballet class where you can watch and where the dress code is relaxed, just make sure it's a trained teacher (because some ballet 'teachers' teach badly or push little ones which can cause injury and bad habits).

ohtheholidays · 02/05/2016 22:58

I used to dance OP,I started when I was 2.Ballet teachers are usually renowned for being very very strict.

Your not happy with the way the class has been going for your DD so I'd look around for a different class and teacher.Be warned though nearly all if not all ballet classes,parents aren't allowed to watch.

BMW6 · 02/05/2016 22:58

IMHO that is far too young for anything that formal anyway. Proper ballet classes from about 7 would be much better. I was 10 - slightly too old if I wanted to take it seriously (and I did)

SuperFlyHigh · 02/05/2016 22:59

Has anyone read the link to that baby ballet school?! They say they start babies at 6 months!

It could be enjoyment for some but honestly I see the owners of a class for kids that young exploiting parents who want their darlings to start ballet ASAP and the owners are seeing ££££ signs. Call me cynical.

Pollaidh · 02/05/2016 23:00

My understanding is that at her age she should just be doing basic skills in a fun way, like skipping sideways and forward, hopping, good toes and naughty toes etc...

We send our daughter to the 'less serious' but still RAD syllabus dance school in town, and I dread to think what the 'serious' one is like, because ours is v strict on uniform and at exam and show time there is a lot of unexpected hassle - hair nets, pins, buns, hair spray, rehearsals...

PinguForPresident · 02/05/2016 23:03

Re safeguarding: dance teachers will be DBS checked. There's always an assistant in with a pre-school class. A decent school will take any concerns seriously, but it's worth mentioning that ballet is a serious discipline, and although until they take their Primary exam (aged 5-6) the majority of it is running round being fairies or butterflies etc, it all has a purpose (to teach grace, rhythm, explore movement etc).

if you don't like that idea, then go to Baby Ballet where parents go in with the kids - although as a nationwide franchised it's highly commercialised and not the best teaching - or find a dance school that trades on being particularly relaxed.

If your daughter cries at each lesson then stop going! Plenty of time to try again when she's a bit older. New girls have started at my daughter's class pretty much every year she's been there, and it's only when you get to about age 5 that the disadvantage of not being trained earlier seems to show.

I'm an ex-dancer and dance teacher, BTW. And mum of a 7 year-old dance fiend.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/05/2016 23:03

My child would not go to a dance class like this, every dance class my child attended, parents were allowed to watch, dress code relaxed.

LaurieMarlow · 02/05/2016 23:03

I'm amazed that people think this is reasonable. I have no problems with 2 year olds skipping around being fairies, horses, what have you. Lovely.

However, a set dress code for the under fives (beyond t shirt and leggings) is about either ...

Teacher vanity
Fleecing parents
An inappropriate desire to impose the 'discipline' of serious ballet on an audience entirely too young for it.

Watchingnetflix · 02/05/2016 23:04

It does sound very strict and you don't sound happy with the ballet school.

I teach karate and we prefer parents to watch from the balcony if they wish as the kids pay much better attention if the parents aren't right there but would never stop a parent sitting and watching in the hall itself. If the parents do just drop off their child then I make a point of saying a quick hi or 'they're doing well' before or after the class so each parent knows they and their child is acknowledged

CocktailQueen · 02/05/2016 23:05

I did ballet up to grade 2 in the 1970s and never remember wearing tights except for exams! And it didn't do us any harm... Leotard, ankle socks, ballet shoes...

Op, I'd take your dd out of classes and tell the teacher just why.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/05/2016 23:06

Gosh, DD is 4.2 and goes into dance class on her own, but I am in the next room to take her to the toilet etc. I wouldn't have liked something that formal. It all sounds a bit forced. At 2!!!

SuperFlyHigh · 02/05/2016 23:06

I agree Pollaidh this class seems more like proper rather than play ballet and generally they will be very strict and not have time to mother the younger members of class.

Personally i think play ballet or less serious dance classes are far better for a child of 2 etc. of course you always want some mother (normally doing it more for themselves than the child) who wants their daughter off to ballet for the kudos aspects of it.

I have a very good friend who's now studying to be a choreographer (final year at dance school in Leeds) she loves dance, her mum loved it (and was pianist at her ballet school) and she took her own DD to ballet when small but her DD now much prefers horses so has horse riding lessons instead! This Friend is perfectly happy with that and to let the ballet be forgotten about (her DD is now 13 anyway).

Member251061 · 02/05/2016 23:08

My dd's started ballet at 2.5 and parents left them there for 45 minutes without seeing anything.
I think if you're worried it's probably not worth sending her there, especially if she is tearful. There is plenty of time for her to learn ballet when she is a little older.

AbernathysFringe · 02/05/2016 23:09

Doesn't sound like a way to create happy memories or associations with dance. Sounds like the kind of class very pushy parents might be happy to make their child attend to make them seriously move towards a career in ballet. If that's your aim and it's all about serious work work work, then perhaps such a strict teacher is necessary. If not, tell the bitch goodbye!

Nanny0gg · 02/05/2016 23:11

don't have a problem with the teacher - I've never even seen her tbh as the assistant literally opens the door a crack to let the kids in and out!

You leave your toddler with someone you've never even seen?

Have I read that right?

SuperFlyHigh · 02/05/2016 23:12

Cocktail I did it to grade 8 in ballet (liked and disliked in equal measure) and our school must've been strict because it was always always tights! No argument! No matter how hot the weather! And certainly bloody tights for exams...

I did like the ballet but I didn't like how it took over Saturday mornings for many years... recall rushing to meet friends in the new shopping centres afterwards and once left ballet bag on bus with new Freeds ballet uniform in it, my mum went spare as it was not found! Sad

They were also super strict about uniform (always Freeds dahlink!)

cinnamongirl1976 · 02/05/2016 23:13

My DD is 3 and does ballet. Parents don't watch the class but are invited in for the last class of every term. I think this is standard - at least around here. The uniform is ridiculous tho - they don't have that at DD's ballet school until they're a bit older. The children (some of them are boys) wear what they want. Teacher is firm but nice and the kids all adore her. My DD loves going in on her own and prefers it when it isn't watching week - but if she was nervous about being in there without me I would do a different activity. 2.5 seems very young.

IslaSinga · 02/05/2016 23:13

I think 2.5yr is too young for a strict ballet class with a strict dress code. It sounds ridiculous. How did the teacher even have time to change your Dd when she was supposed to be teaching the class? I think 3/4 is a better age to be starting a class like this tbh.

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