AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

And most contracts allow parents to take unpaid days off to care for children if no other care can be arranged; that's what this is.

This employer (and the pupils) will have benefitted over the years from
OP being SAH and therefore covering all sick leave. One day the DH needs to do it and many are up in arms?

Equal parenting means equal responsibility for this stuff.

Sick leave = children being ill

Still avoiding the question - classes cannot be left unattended - who pays?

You mean pays in terms of £? Most schools have their own internal cover supervisors.

If you mean to imply the students 'pay' by missing out on being taught, the exam classes need exam practice with exam papers at this time of year and a silent classroom. Teacher present/absent for one lesson in those circs makes no difference.

Silent classroom - with no adult present???
Charming naivety on here.
If they have a spare teacher available it will take time out that the teacher would have been doing something else, so usually only for emergencies.
even I a school manages to get away with having a 'cover supervisor' ( unqualified babysitter) on the staff, that person can only be used once per lesson).
Hence why I and other supply teachers are in schools every day - one school I went to last week had four external supply teachers , as well as a cover supervisor.
So - costs money hence why schools are getting much less accepting of non-emergency time off.

Backache21 -

have a look at this - it's about an SAHM returning to work. There's an interesting contrast between her original employer and the one she returned to work for. I think is shows that it's worth looking for an organisation that can offer you the flexibility you need and is willing to go the extra mile to help you make it work.
blog.womenreturners.com/2016/04/getting-your-work-self-back-taras.html

Don't teachers in UK have an allowance of so many hours every scholastic year for emergency reasons, such as medical appointments? We do in ours. We have 27 hours (not to be taken as one pleases). Check with the union of teachers. They should advise.

Teacher who has had other jobs. Yes it is different, but you can still arrange things if you have to.

Basically he is putting someone else's child before his own.

Does he even teach those Yr12 students that day? Can they come in on an alternate day?

Had I been in this situation I would have been asking if I can rearrange Yr12 to come in on Monday (bank holiday) if possible so that they can get their teaching.

Yes it is difficult to do but asking isn't.

Don't teachers in UK have an allowance of hours every scholastic year for emergency reasons, such as medical appointments? We do in our country. We have about 27 hours allocated to us for such necessities, obviously not to be abused, but one can even get a cover note from the hospital. It would be wise to check with the Union of teachers. I am sure our country union follows UK and European teachers' unions. This wasn't heard of years ago but now fortunately teachers' needs are realized and catered for too. After all, they are human too.

Schools have a duty of care to their staff as well as students and this means that some of their budget must go to meeting their needs too, including providing cover when needed. I don't know any teacher who doesn't give up their time to do non contracted tasks such as revision sessions, why should the school not be willing to help them out when they need it? In fact if you have a happy staff you are likely to have reduced absence levels for sickness anyway, which reduces costs long term.

The school pays for a supply teacher; I think op's DH is fairly senior so if he has a day unpaid, the books probably balance pretty well.

Sick leave for staff and unpaid carer's leave both have costs to cover in many jobs (NHS as well) and it's a part of budgeting for a staff member, just as NI contributions are.

If both the OP and her DH were teachers, how would you solve it, MrsGuy?

As noted above, her DH's employer has benefitted over time from previous appointments all being covered by her, not split 50:50.

My father was a teacher and he always said don't go into teaching you will hate it.

This thread would be a good example of how I would hate it too.

Basically, if you don't have a good head, you have to sing for your supper because of the 13 weeks holiday you get a year. Sure, it's fantastic but not if it's going to be so inflexible that you literally cannot have any other time off - including in an emergency, including funerals, including sickness. I think I would happily stick with my 6 weeks thank you very much.

In any case those of the people I know who are teachers spend a lot of time prepping during the holidays- maybe not the summer holiday- but certainly the other holidays and they work long hours in term time so they see the holidays as a reprieve from that and also these holidays are for the students as well. They can't cope with a proper working structured environment because they're too young.

Of course, we all aim to attend work every day, come what may, but unfortunately people do fall ill in term time, people do die during term time,people's dependents to get sick in term time and ultimately that have to be some degree of catering for that.

What shocks me most is that many teachers seem to agree with being treated very shortly so no wonder nothing changes

Shoddily

My dp is a ta and isn't allowed anytime off during term time, even unpaid. This is what the parent governors have decided. We have 2 kids with additional needs, I work full time. Most of my a/l goes on the kids appointments. If you can't get a grandparent or anyone to go op you should enquire about moving the appointment. You are giving them plenty of notice, it's only if you fail to attend X 2 that you have to go to the bottom of the waiting list.

The school pays for a supply teacher; I think op's DH is fairly senior so if he has a day unpaid, the books probably balance pretty well.

Supply teacher is minimum £200 a day cost (obviously the actual supply teacher doesn't get that)

If your DH wanted to take the day unpaid and pay the difference, I'm sure the school would be fine with it (to an extent)

But surely you can find family, friends, support from elsewhere?

Just to give insight to those non teachers on here (plenty), one of my colleagues requested (a year in advance) for her wedding during term time. A week away abroad. She had had zero sickness or other requested time off. It was refused.

Seriously. You're all in denial if you think that in the current climate, a teacher can just waltz off to a standard hospital appointment! 13 weeks holiday a year...Rebook your non-emergency appointment.

The person you had to request cover from at my school used to be very difficult to deal with and would definitely make things difficult for you if she thought you weren't the last resort (e.g. taking a day off for a sick kid would lead to a detailed interrogation about why all other possible options weren't being used, taking a second day would be a non-starter). That recently changed and the person now in charge is much more reasonable about the demands of children and will sign stuff off no problem. They're retiring and it's a bit of worry about who will take over.

So what happens in other schools doesn't mean it will be the same in the OP's DH's school, and it could definitely be a problem.

It isn't a standard hospital appointment. It's all day. I don't know any friends who aren't either working or have young children of their own to care for as SAHPs. Many people don't live near parents, have parents too frail to do this or have parents who are still working.

People with caring responsibilities do have additional protection over "optional" things like weddings.

Again, what if both OP and her DH were teachers and the clinic didn't run in school holidays/was already fully booked then?

Your friend wanted to take a week off for an event she had the power to set the date of and which was nothing to do with her health or that of her child?

That isn't the same. Not even close.

Jobah no UK teachers don't have an allowance to use for personal reasons.

As others have said it really is dependent on school and ethos.

Jonah apologies for typo.

A week off for a wedding/ honeymoon is completely different though! Why would a teacher get married during term time anyway? The 'current climate' for me is that maths teachers are bloody hard to find. If I was disciplined for taking a day off in the OP's husband's situation then I would be looking for a new job (if they are unable to rearrange the appointment, I agree it is reasonable to try to do this). Yes teachers get a lot of holiday but it doesn't mean they own you body and soul in term time, there has to be some give and take. We get 5 days a year paid parental leave and everything above that is unpaid. To the poster who said 'take it unpaid pay the additional cost of supply', I would be surprised if it cost much less than £200 a day for a head of dept anyway if you include NI and pension costs, but I really don't see why he should take it unpaid when he's been working hard for them all year. My head of departing works harder than anyone I know with countless hours of unpaid overtime.

Posted in 20 years time:
"AIBU to think that my dad should have put my health first, not his job?"