AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

[BackAche21]

As requested, an update from me, the OP.

The hospital DID offer me an alternative appointment so my DH never had to ask for time off, and I think it's safe to say that he still doesn't take time off from teaching, pretty much ever. He does all the appointments outside term time and almost all of the weeknight cooking, plus leaves the kitchen in tip top state. He also cleans all the shoes and sorts out the school bags the night before so he pulls his weight. However if one of the children was ill and our child cater couldn't cover it, yes it was me that would work from home.

When we eventually went to the hospital appointment, the food challenge at the clinic showed that my son did still have an allergy, so no salmon for him. He's since become a pescatarian

Finally, I went to the interview and I got the job! In fact, I've just left it after doing it for six years. So look out Mumsnet, and thanks for the advice and YANBUs!

[AHellOfABird]

Curious too!

[millimat]

What happened, op?

[merrymouse]

You don't really want a temporary nanny or even just your normal nanny to take your child to a hospital appointment. This is a situation where you need a parent.

[YonicTrowel]

With an ill child, emergency dependent leave would be an option; the law views hospital appointments differently.

Hopefully the DH has now phoned the hospital and asked for thd appointment to be moved and this has been allowed!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Temp nannies are available when kids ill but parents have to work

Tho Obv a temp nanny shouldn't take to allergy hospital appointment

[purpleapple1234]

He should throw a sickie and take your son to the hospital -don't even involve senior management. Speaking as a teacher and a parent, it is obvious that the allergy testing should come first. Dare I say that the AS kids will be able to survive by themselves for a lesson. If the kids had been working hard all year through, then the lesson can't be that vital. If they haven't been, then let it be a learning experience that it is up to the kids to pass the exam not the teacher to bundle through them though at the last minute. If the DH is organised enough, then putting together independent work to be done while he is gone, should be no problem.

Has education become so pressurised and students/parents so entitled that a parent can't take their child to hospital? A little bit of humanity and empathy goes a long way.

[merrymouse]

What if you were both teachers - would your children only be able to go to hospital appointments in the holidays?

I know teachers aren't supposed to take holiday in term time, but this is to look after his child, it's not a jolly. What is going to happen when you have a job and your son is ill?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

True boffy

Just thought may be a way round it

So op - what are you going to do?

[BoffinMum]

I got a reaction during my allergy test (very rare, as they use miniscule amounts of the thing you are allergic to) and needed more steroids to open my throat up again, and had to be there a long time while it all calmed down.

The hospital staff were very interested and almost pleased to have an extreme reaction from a non-peanut allergy, and said 'Do come back if it happens again, we don't get many of these'. Er, guys, first up I am not doing this for your entertainment, and second, don't you think I might just rush into A and E again if I can't breathe properly????!!!!

[BoffinMum]

Blondes, if this is a hospital-based test for a child I doubt you would be able to find any private facility prepared to do them, TBH. It's a bit like occupational therapy for kids - practically non-existent in the private sector.

[YonicTrowel]

Blondes, as the child is 4, she/he may be in reception. The appointment has been cancelled once owing to the DC being ill, I can see why OP would worry about lying and doing that again

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Tricky. We all know teachers can't take time off during term time. If they ask it goes against them - but esp so at exam times

Allergy app are important but can be moved. What happens if your child was poorly that day and couldn't do the app? They would get a new app.

If need be ring them and say dc has s&d 2 days before app. They can then give to another family

Schools rarely give time off for a pre planned event - compared to an emergency

All 3 are important

Dh job
Dc health
Op interview

Tbh if all 3 can't be budged /changed - I would cancel hospital all and pay for private allergy tests at a time that suits if new app couldn't be for for months

Tho if op did get a job then needs to be a serious discussion of what would happen if children ill

Unless Employ a nanny - they will have ill kids - compared to cm or nursery

And if no hospital app - who would be /was having the dc while at interview?

[GreenMarkerPen]

how about h takes dc to hospital in the morning and op takes over after the interview?

[user789653241]

ElllieB, in this instance, the child can go into hospital healthy, and as a worst case scenario, can end up in anaphylaxis. Allergy challenge doesn't work like just taking morning or afternoon off. Normally takes at least half a day, if nothing happened.
That's why this case is completely different from parents taking a day off for dc's hospital appointment.

[HuckleberryGin]

Tea hers don't get paid for the 13 weeks holiday. Well for the 5.6 weeks statutory. But above that is unpaid. So maybe people in other jobs could take unpaid leave.

I'm in a 9-5 job now and find it much easier to manage having two small children than I ever did in teaching.

[ElllieB1]

Im a teacher and my children come first, I normally arrange appointments in school holidays, but in this instance there is notice and it's unavoidable. He may only need a morning or afternoon session off. That really isn't unreasonable. He can plan and set work for his classes, it is hard sometimes to take leave when teaching, especially during exam season, but it can't always be helped,

[YonicTrowel]

Of course school budgets are under pressure; all budgets are. Ultimately, a man who has not has to cover his child's health needs for years on end has been an advantage to his employer. The "reality" in (some) schools may well be as you say: that doesn't mean it can't be criticised.

And commenting on someone's user name when yours implies marriage to a fictional character is odd, hmmm?

[TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece]

Two teachers, no relatives. Clearly shouldn't have had children

[YonicTrowel]

MrsGuy, what was objectionable was your implication that no one without 100% infallible cover for childcare matters should go into teaching. It is "out of touch" to consider this reasonable.

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

...at being described as 'out of touch' by someone who pompously gives themselves the username 'boffinmum' presumably a wannabe 'academic' - yeah, right.
As it happens I work every day with school Cover Managers who have the unenviable task of ensuring that every class is covered, as they cannot be left without a teacher. Some schools use 'Cover Supervisors' as babysitters, but there are still very many that haven't been - yet - reduced to that. The Cover Manager has to keep costs to a minimum, so teachers who don't try it on have to cover those who do - a lot of resentment for that reason. There is no 'free money' available - every cover costs, hence why only staff illness or genuine emergencies are acceptable reasons for being absent, as other teachers on here have said ( as opposed to people who clearly have no idea what really happens in schools).

[YonicTrowel]

"Much harder for people in no-teaching jobs - they have to take annual leave at a time when others in their office etc do not. At least in teaching there is the option of the school hols."

I've always been able to take leave in school holidays and never worked in teaching, so not sure what this is about.

As no non teaching job allows enough holiday to cover all school vacations, most people use a combination of holiday clubs/family and annual leave so you'd bvunlucky to not be allowed any of the 13 weeks off!

[GreenMarkerPen]

...if the nhs gives you that option. all too often it's 'take this appointment or we will not offer a new one or one many many weeks/months away'

[BoffinMum]

Yes, MrsGuy is utterly out of touch.

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

Much harder for people in no-teaching jobs - they have to take annual leave at a time when others in their office etc do not. At least in teaching there is the option of the school hols.